self-hate
Asphyxiate
2 knives, in each side..
2 eyes burning through my heart..
empty fragments, words drifting in & out of the past
memories turn to ash as we sift them around the palms of our hands..
crippled & gone.. time to move on.
to solidify my dreams..
hate myself.. waste of space, waste of air..
I dove into hell.
God please pull me back together, stitch up these ripped seams..
you're like the blade dragged across my stomach
or the scorching flame against my bare skin...
I want you out of my life
I want you up from under this skin
demons, demons, I can't let you win..
for I am not your kin...
everthing I want, I cannot have.
all that I reach for, I cannot grab..
the rainest of days bring me back to visions i've attempted to smudge out with you..
I guess it was easier on the other end.
but who's to say where & when...
covered in blood, pushed into the mud, I will stand up again.
open scars, out of breath, I must remain relentless.
shadows chasing me, run run, but they consumed all the light..
crouched in fright, nails dug into my back
they're trying to pin down these wings...
hoping i'll never take flight.
using all my energy to break away, fight them off with all my might, all my will...
but they keep whispering "kill... kill.."
legion, you've defiled me,
for you are the fallen, in unity.
this cross lays heavy on my back..
I think i'm starting to crack.
my barriers are thin & I wish I could let God in
but there's just one set of footprints in the sand
no savior to hold my hand
freezing cold.
the ocean looks like a black hole..
if I were to set sail, how could I ever return?
i'd be spun around in circles, triangles, squares
what would I learn?
even though the sun still shines
even though some of the grass is still green
even though there are plenty of trees
I cant stop looking down.. down on me.
the hail is sharp from this dark cloud.
storm hovers above.
I try to clear it out, but I can't with no love
depleted but not empty
awakened in the midst of deep sleep
dead in this life
strife impailed
left hung, waiting to burn..
I never dug my own grave
I only ever cried to be saved.
I am....
To his own anger, he is blind............
and for this I am the.....
...aggressor.
In his own self-hate, he denies,
and for this I am.....
...the one he hates.
In his own unwillingness to love...
his actions hurt and choices he disowns....
and for this I am....
...asked to show him more love.
During difficulties, he is not accountable for his actions......
and for this I am...
...the one to blame
In his own unwillingness to recognize the effect he has on
his world, he blames and plays the martyr....
and for this I am...
...the victimizer.
He believes he is the victim...of outer circumstances
and for this I am...
...held accountable for his actions.
His hurt is bigger than mine...
and for this I am...
...the worst offender.
While he believes he is self-protecting....he lives a life of
sheer resistance....leaving me nothing to work with together in
our relationship....
and for this I am...
...done.