past

You're a new one (day 179)

From a distance I could see you

as any of the faces I’ve tried to lock in the back of my mind,

anyone I’ve tried to let go of with the palms

that have held tears as well as they hold people.

 

But you’re a new one-

up close I can’t see you

as any laugh except for

the teasing one that makes you look like we could lasso the sun.

 

Up close I can’t see you

as any hands except for

the ones that look so different so much the same as mine

and maybe they hold tears too.

 

Up close, even when you’re tired

I can still see the life that wears you like a second skin

You can make yawning attractive.

Tell me that’s not hard to do. 

 

I want to buy something with you

even if it’s just a desk lamp,

I know we can make enough light in this room

without even touching it.

 

I want to leave something behind with you,

maybe a gravel road in flames at dusk,

maybe the words you’ve regretted regretting,

maybe fearing broken glass,

if we’re cut open bleeding it’s just ecstasy in a warning sign.

 

I want to save something with you

even if it’s just a dream,

even if it’s just reality.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/22/17

Tease

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Fact in Fiction

Verse 1:
If we all believe in an utopia

That lasts forever,

We wouldn't try so hard to die,

Satisfation: so lose, yet so far

 

Chorus:
Erase and rewrite these stories of mine:
I"ll change the ending 'cause you're my soulmate

I cannot bear to watch you walk away.
Walk away with my love, hope, and dreams.

 

Verse 2:
Fact in fiction: There is no ending to our story

Until the day I die, I'll die with honor.

Whenever we're together, babe
You make the seasons start to change.

 

Bridge:
Whenever w're lost in paradise together,

I would ask you for a chance to make our love better

If only you could see how much I love you.

Things wouldn't have ended the way it did.

 

Last-Chorus:
All the songs I've written seemed like my story.

So, I sang them to death.]

Someday, you'll calll and congratulate me.

I'll prepare a good thank you and Good Bye message

For you: In time, I'll promise you that much. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on the song: "Singing Got Better" by Ailee. English Subtitles up on YouTube.

Forget

 

I’m easy to forget.
I try hard,
To be remembered…
But I don’t mind.

 

You are not the first,
And not the last,
To sleep in the bed of amnesia,
And forget.

 

Forget the days,
Of love and laughter,
Of hopelessness and despair,
When we tore each other apart,
But held each other together.

 

But do remember,
The forgotten never forget.
So when you wish to recall,
Just ask,
And I’ll be happy to remind.

 

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Fragments of the Past

Verse 1:

Fragments of the past

Begin to overwhelm me.

Say not another word,

I can hear you.

Though, I'm so far gone now.

 

Chorus:

My heart is tangled up on you.

I cannot imagine life without you by my side.

You've stood by me through everything

And I've finally found you

In our safe haven.

 

Verse 2:

I should have known

From the day we met

That you were in love with me.

Now, I shall confess that I love you.

Yeah, admit it: yo're in love with me too.

 

Bridge:

When all is said and done,

I'll start back at one with you.

Take me back to the day we met.

Those were the moments

That I knew we'd be together in the end.

 

Last-Chorus:
Fragments of the past

Over take us both.

Our feelings are mutual.

We've made it this far.

I love you. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Song about giving your guy best friend a chance in a relationship with you after your previous relationship failed...e

Rewind (day 103)

I don’t want to unsee you

but I want to unlearn you.

 

I want to unlearn

the way the skin around your eyes

reaches toward me when you smile.

 

You slip past me without a sound

and it feels like a rug burn.

 

You emerge from behind the curtain

laughing as hard as you ever have

and it feels like I’m missing

something as fleeting as a shooting star or

the moment I fell in love with you.

 

I want to unlearn this ache,

throw strangers into a mixing bowl

till I can’t remember the difference

between his laugh and yours,

I want to pour them all over forgiveness

and smile until all my face muscles crack.

 

This is not something I can say at five in the morning

after a night of rewinding

your gazes and fleeting realness in the chorus of laughter stepping toward insanity,

playing you back over and over and over again

 

This is not something I can say

after I’ve watched you flinch when I shift toward you,

this is something I’ll have to leave behind.

 

Stirring up peace beyond the shadows,

after all this magic

I’ll turn back the dial to the normal sparks,

I’ll rewind the story to the part where we were unsure

you know I’d rather be skimmed over than forgotten,

I’d rather be curled up a lightyear behind you than alone,

I’d rather stretch my fingers toward you even though I’ll never reach

than use them like splintering revivals to stir up all these pasts.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/6/16

Beyond the shadows

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Rocky Road (day 93)

I’m stubborn, they say,

let’s keep it that way,

I’m stronger than the rocks on this road.

 

Your promises hurt

but they’re worth more than words,

you’re stronger than smashed bricks in your past.

 

I’m stepping toward you,

don’t let it scare you,

we’re stronger than the stones in our hearts.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/27/16

The promise

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Lost

I opened my eyes another day seeing only

the same endless ocean. This beautiful,

disheartening endless ocean.

 

A ship with the possibilities to be seen for

many miles. Yet, the oceans waves taunt me

with its excessive, dramatic waves.

 

Concealing me from the eyes of others.

 

This ocean; my best friend, my enemy. The

reason I have discovered the woes of

isolation.

 

Daily I wake up with a heart's desire to see

land, to move onward in my life's journey.

 

The oceans jealousy believes its memories

will be lost, but never. I vow! Caring

nothing for my hearts desire, yet it

mocks me with possibilities. Possibilities

that I might one day feel and experience what is now only memories.

 

my months spent crying, pleading, full of

hateful anger changed nothing. As I awoke

my eyes each morning was locked on the

same blue ocean floor. Deep waves, cool

breezes, moving deep sea passer-bys of the unknown.


I potentially die from the thought of

marriage to this mountain of beautiful

misery.

 

Years of plotting my escape proved to b

e act of a dreamer, not a doer.

 

My heart has grown numb and in my numbness, its torture lacks the effect it once had. I scream to all, my voice stripped and dry, barely heard by even the wind.

 

the silence of my unheard words replaced with the crashes of ocean waves; I will never submit.

Even while my knees have bent and come closer and closer to the panels of stained wood

 

I seemingly lose the courage to keep with my

vow to never submit, yet my vow to leave

this prison of cumbersome water has

engulfed me in disillusion.

 

In my lucid thoughts, I mumble of its

devilish games. The games that I will never willingly accept.

 

I listen to its illustrious melody. I am its mistress, a

the battle that seems impossible.

I am lost...

I am weak...

I will FIGHT till death approaches me.

The Wind is Never Too Late

Folder: 
Wayward Motions

The Wind is never too late
Minutes and hours may pool into an endless shadow clock
but She cares not for the tick tock tick tock
She has been cast into many worlds
With no hope to ever unfurl

Ravaged with unrest
We seek Her company but know not what is best
For Her

She curls Her arms in a lover's embrace
We reach out in hope
We leave with despair

To Her
we are a ghost of live's past
we are a measure of time She cannot understand
we become dust in Her shapeless lands

And yet... the Wind is never too late
She casts Her endless touch
Hoping        needing        yearning

She is here
She is now
She is always
(The past cannot present itself
when the future was never there)

Sadness beckons, widens, and burdens
And like a loose cannon
we shoot out into the distance
reaching out for anything

To hold
To conquer
To master
To love

But, The Wind... She knows
She is never too late
She catches our follies when we become one with the daisies
She carries our songs which blankets those worlds
She chronicles our stories and heralds them across endless sands

The Wind is here
The Wind is now
The Wind is always

For us
For Her

Author's Notes/Comments: 

After returning from a trip to the mountains I am finding myself in unrest. I miss the wind across my face. I miss the serenity of the forests. I miss many things and yet I aim to adjust the sails of reality and move forward. Hopefully, soon.

A Better Place, A Better Time

I glanced to see your empty seat not far

away from mine. I did not know you well

before your name marked every mind. I got

the news my freshmen year at Aries’ end.

The open casket frightens me, a fear

to peer inside.  Depression lurks and maims

the ones we love, no way to say goodbye.

The cries I heard your mother make in words

I can’t describe. Your close best friend, a friend

Of mine, still thinks of you in times of light

and shade; He sits and waits for you to call:

the promise made, be kept today. I learned

from you don’t hesitate. To think of dreams

you’ll never have or places never seen,

I missed the chance to know your truth and who

you want to be. But now I see for me

to be the who I want to be; I must

help those like you live on, it’s not your time    

to leave.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

with inspiration drawn from beloved Javad, rest in peace. with intentions to direct those in need to the song A Better Place, A Better Time by Streetlight Manifesto