past

Fey

Folder: 
Tales and Fables

The heart within me turned to stone

Like a wolf pack's lonesome cries

Darkness woven in my bones

But starlight fading in my eyes

I hear the whispers in the trees

A wisp's song fluttering on the breeze

But ne'er will I go home again

Ne'er will I go

 

I heard the call of maiden fair

But swore again I'd go not there

My lonesome crying in the night

Has formed me as a sullen wight

Oh cursed fairy! How could you lead

A child to such an awful deed

For ne'er can I return again

Ne'er to return

 

Alone at last, my will is done

Now, forever this must be

Before my mind be overrun

To hurt no more, my final plea

My past is lost, the future nigh

My story dead on sands of time

To home I must return again

Again I must turn home

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A Year Or So Ago

Folder: 
Personal

"It's been over a year. 

I realize, 

eyes playing about on dates

of the calender.

 

Suddenly thinking

back to a year before, 

days exactly 364.

So, less than a year, 

 

by hours. When the

lips that pressed were ours.

When our fingers intertwined, 

when we felt each others' bodies, 

 

souls, mind. 

So wrong, so forbidden, 

it felt right.

Written into passing,

 

the scripts and screenplay

of night-time stays, 

never staying until morning. 

Visits, 

 

door left unlocked, 

just in case.

Offered, often heard, 

only once utilized. 

 

She always said she would. 

 

Eventually. 

She did, 

softly cooing my name, 

pulling me out of my slumber, 

 

and instantly hopping into my bed, 

my arms, pulling her close. 

My warm bare skin

 

juxtaposed to her cold clothing. 

We soon matched. 

There was no lack

of mutual attraction, 

 

no shortage of constant communication, 

trips, adventures, 

ridiculous confessions 

and straight-forward denial. 

 

I denied I did wrong, 

to myself. 

Who knows how she felt.

All I know 

 

is that she felt good, 

she felt like home, 

like I belonged. 

Longing for her scent, 

 

I still remember

how it drove me wild.

Past-tense, 

as she liked to point out.

 

It's a lie, 

there is nothing passed. 

Though, once she asked

if she was hurting me.

 

I, misunderstanding, 

replied, 'why, no, 

it's my other shoulder 

that's broken.'

 

She grinned, 

leaning into my arms, 

'no,' she said, 

'this. Us.'

 

It hurt, 

seeing her dog I grew to adore

slowly separate us on the couch 

a year or so ago. 

 

It hurts still

thinking of some details. 

Fond memories, 

so vivid, full of her laughter. 

 

Haunted by scorn, 

the scorn of several people, 

over all that transpired. 

You'd think a year

 

would wash it all away, 

but nothing is past-tense. 

Hence, 

 

the dreams. 

Thoughts I can't deny, 

lying that they're gone.

They aren't.  

 

I was told it was trouble,  

I was warned. 

But still I got in her car, 

she got in mine. 

 

She's a phone call away;

I don't have the heart

to dial, 

knowing damn well

 

I'd immediately answer if she called. 

Does she read my poetry? 

Does she think of me?

Love me like I love her still? 

 

I should have not turned my cheek.

I should have came to her rescue 

against canine off-leash. 

But I didn't. 

 

And I wish I had.

Instead, all I have

is a book with edits, 

another that's a gift

 

belonging to her, 

one of her favorites. 

We even shared a quote, 

'Never lend a book.'

 

An act of affection instead, 

one of several.

She never said the words, 

but she gave me many gifts. 

 

It started with a cold can.

That's how she loved me.

I wish I had realized it

a year or so ago."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I was too scared to post for a long time. Funny how time heals. 

You're a new one (day 179)

From a distance I could see you

as any of the faces I’ve tried to lock in the back of my mind,

anyone I’ve tried to let go of with the palms

that have held tears as well as they hold people.

 

But you’re a new one-

up close I can’t see you

as any laugh except for

the teasing one that makes you look like we could lasso the sun.

 

Up close I can’t see you

as any hands except for

the ones that look so different so much the same as mine

and maybe they hold tears too.

 

Up close, even when you’re tired

I can still see the life that wears you like a second skin

You can make yawning attractive.

Tell me that’s not hard to do. 

 

I want to buy something with you

even if it’s just a desk lamp,

I know we can make enough light in this room

without even touching it.

 

I want to leave something behind with you,

maybe a gravel road in flames at dusk,

maybe the words you’ve regretted regretting,

maybe fearing broken glass,

if we’re cut open bleeding it’s just ecstasy in a warning sign.

 

I want to save something with you

even if it’s just a dream,

even if it’s just reality.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/22/17

Tease

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Fact in Fiction

Verse 1:
If we all believe in an utopia

That lasts forever,

We wouldn't try so hard to die,

Satisfation: so lose, yet so far

 

Chorus:
Erase and rewrite these stories of mine:
I"ll change the ending 'cause you're my soulmate

I cannot bear to watch you walk away.
Walk away with my love, hope, and dreams.

 

Verse 2:
Fact in fiction: There is no ending to our story

Until the day I die, I'll die with honor.

Whenever we're together, babe
You make the seasons start to change.

 

Bridge:
Whenever w're lost in paradise together,

I would ask you for a chance to make our love better

If only you could see how much I love you.

Things wouldn't have ended the way it did.

 

Last-Chorus:
All the songs I've written seemed like my story.

So, I sang them to death.]

Someday, you'll calll and congratulate me.

I'll prepare a good thank you and Good Bye message

For you: In time, I'll promise you that much. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on the song: "Singing Got Better" by Ailee. English Subtitles up on YouTube.

Forget

 

I’m easy to forget.
I try hard,
To be remembered…
But I don’t mind.

 

You are not the first,
And not the last,
To sleep in the bed of amnesia,
And forget.

 

Forget the days,
Of love and laughter,
Of hopelessness and despair,
When we tore each other apart,
But held each other together.

 

But do remember,
The forgotten never forget.
So when you wish to recall,
Just ask,
And I’ll be happy to remind.

 

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Fragments of the Past

Verse 1:

Fragments of the past

Begin to overwhelm me.

Say not another word,

I can hear you.

Though, I'm so far gone now.

 

Chorus:

My heart is tangled up on you.

I cannot imagine life without you by my side.

You've stood by me through everything

And I've finally found you

In our safe haven.

 

Verse 2:

I should have known

From the day we met

That you were in love with me.

Now, I shall confess that I love you.

Yeah, admit it: yo're in love with me too.

 

Bridge:

When all is said and done,

I'll start back at one with you.

Take me back to the day we met.

Those were the moments

That I knew we'd be together in the end.

 

Last-Chorus:
Fragments of the past

Over take us both.

Our feelings are mutual.

We've made it this far.

I love you. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Song about giving your guy best friend a chance in a relationship with you after your previous relationship failed...e

Rewind (day 103)

I don’t want to unsee you

but I want to unlearn you.

 

I want to unlearn

the way the skin around your eyes

reaches toward me when you smile.

 

You slip past me without a sound

and it feels like a rug burn.

 

You emerge from behind the curtain

laughing as hard as you ever have

and it feels like I’m missing

something as fleeting as a shooting star or

the moment I fell in love with you.

 

I want to unlearn this ache,

throw strangers into a mixing bowl

till I can’t remember the difference

between his laugh and yours,

I want to pour them all over forgiveness

and smile until all my face muscles crack.

 

This is not something I can say at five in the morning

after a night of rewinding

your gazes and fleeting realness in the chorus of laughter stepping toward insanity,

playing you back over and over and over again

 

This is not something I can say

after I’ve watched you flinch when I shift toward you,

this is something I’ll have to leave behind.

 

Stirring up peace beyond the shadows,

after all this magic

I’ll turn back the dial to the normal sparks,

I’ll rewind the story to the part where we were unsure

you know I’d rather be skimmed over than forgotten,

I’d rather be curled up a lightyear behind you than alone,

I’d rather stretch my fingers toward you even though I’ll never reach

than use them like splintering revivals to stir up all these pasts.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/6/16

Beyond the shadows

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tags:

Rocky Road (day 93)

I’m stubborn, they say,

let’s keep it that way,

I’m stronger than the rocks on this road.

 

Your promises hurt

but they’re worth more than words,

you’re stronger than smashed bricks in your past.

 

I’m stepping toward you,

don’t let it scare you,

we’re stronger than the stones in our hearts.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/27/16

The promise

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tags:

Lost

I opened my eyes another day seeing only

the same endless ocean. This beautiful,

disheartening endless ocean.

 

A ship with the possibilities to be seen for

many miles. Yet, the oceans waves taunt me

with its excessive, dramatic waves.

 

Concealing me from the eyes of others.

 

This ocean; my best friend, my enemy. The

reason I have discovered the woes of

isolation.

 

Daily I wake up with a heart's desire to see

land, to move onward in my life's journey.

 

The oceans jealousy believes its memories

will be lost, but never. I vow! Caring

nothing for my hearts desire, yet it

mocks me with possibilities. Possibilities

that I might one day feel and experience what is now only memories.

 

my months spent crying, pleading, full of

hateful anger changed nothing. As I awoke

my eyes each morning was locked on the

same blue ocean floor. Deep waves, cool

breezes, moving deep sea passer-bys of the unknown.


I potentially die from the thought of

marriage to this mountain of beautiful

misery.

 

Years of plotting my escape proved to b

e act of a dreamer, not a doer.

 

My heart has grown numb and in my numbness, its torture lacks the effect it once had. I scream to all, my voice stripped and dry, barely heard by even the wind.

 

the silence of my unheard words replaced with the crashes of ocean waves; I will never submit.

Even while my knees have bent and come closer and closer to the panels of stained wood

 

I seemingly lose the courage to keep with my

vow to never submit, yet my vow to leave

this prison of cumbersome water has

engulfed me in disillusion.

 

In my lucid thoughts, I mumble of its

devilish games. The games that I will never willingly accept.

 

I listen to its illustrious melody. I am its mistress, a

the battle that seems impossible.

I am lost...

I am weak...

I will FIGHT till death approaches me.