idk

An Armchair Theologian

I believe! I Believe! Lord, help my unbelief

I believe, I believe, my constant motif

I believe but don't grow

And my faith doesn't show

Because I can't be bothered to “do”

 

I know faith is given, not earned

Yet here I sit unconcerned 

I'm given to resting 

When I should be testing

To see that my faith is real

 

“You shall know them by their fruits”

But seeds planted on stones don't have roots

My apathy grows

So nobody knows

That I don't follow what I believe

 

The path down below is a slope

So gradual and smooth that you hope

It stays just the same

Like a current so tame

But leads to a waterfall

 

I'm not living, or learning

I'm sitting and burning

Lord I want to live

But not if I give

My time or my life

My comfort for strife

Is there an easier way?

 

You said believe and I shall be clean

Believe, and come home again

But how can I start

If only my heart

Wasn't an armchair theologian

Southern Gothic

Folder: 
Tales and Fables

I can't tell where I'm going

Don't know where I've been

But I feel I'm moving quickly

And I guess that's all there is

 

I've gone round in my head

Side to side within

Reason had too much sense

Foolishness left me behind

Walking to a dirt-road crossroad

Guess I'll say hello

 

Whiskey from the heavens

Daniels in my veins

Traveling to hell on that southern gothic train

Baptized my humanity in the river

Left my soul with the morning star

Guess I've lost it all

 

They say that those with nothing left

Have nothing left to lose

Well hell, I'm far past that

With no future, and no past

Don't mess with me, son

Or my face will be your last

 

Whiskey's long gone now

But the moon's still shining bright

And there's heaven to gain

But hell to pay

The brass is still warm

But I'm cold as the grave

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Existence

I lay in dark and dreaming sleep
While countless wars and ages passed
While lovers lost and children died
The cycle ran until, aghast 
I opened my eyes, so I should see 
And learn from this unending past
That life is short, though days are long
And that we were never meant to last.
 
I woke to noise and screaming life
But death was ever found to be
Within the dissonance of voice
Born in children, grown in me
I ran until I fell alone
But decease, like a fey banshee
Moved silently in my shadowed steps
With no intent to set me free
 
I dozed through my own middle life
I couldn't care to breathe or die
To see my friends or family
Would just admit that I'm alive
I felt like life would canter on
Meaningless, though I'd strive
To fight the caress of lover-death
To hope my wonder would revive
 
I slept tonight a wondrous sleep
Of moon and star and sunlit eyes
From my bed, I heard her creep
And then I found to my surprise
An angel of unending rest
With promises to mesmerize 
I gave her my own soul to reap
No more left to agonize 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I liked the first two lines enough to compose another poem

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Fears

Why do I cry alone at night

With tears of joy or pain

Or tend to sigh in loneliness

Dress guilt just like a chain?

Why weigh myself with tension

And bank on fear and stress

When I could rise or fail myself

By giving it my best?

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It was a loooonnnnngggg thought train away from Tears for Fears. 

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A cry

Why does it hurt so bad
Why do i cry so much
Emotions keep spinning around
Headaches every day.
why does it hurt so bad
just wanting to be alone,alone feels peaceful
stop stop stop
what is wrong with me?
what is hurting me so much?
dragging me down running out my energy.
writing this poem right now is hard
the headache, the pain.
but still its like I'm wearing a mask no one can see how much.......
I'm falling.

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tags:

Vale of Life

I walk through the forest of my haunted past,
Not knowing whether to turn or be stead-fast.
My heart cries out in the darkness of my shattered mind,
Crying for that which I desperately seek to be mine.
I glance at the path I’ve traveled in these long and dismal times
And see there my broken and shattered heart lie.
I have had none in my arms ever to cause such pain,
But this pain comes from watching love go away.
Seeing my love with someone for whom they are poisoned by,
Crying out to save you from then, but all you do is stare and then.
You vanish in the blackness that my eyes may only see,
You standing there in all this confusion which I long to be,
Long to be a part of something to give me just a little glee.
For throughout my life no light was there,
Not one little light as warm or as cold as yours.
For with you I am happy,
Happier than a pure dream.
But without you I am dying,
Fallen Dead face first in amidst the smiting.
So I cry for my loss, as well as your own demise,
But I know that you are blinded, by a lover has-been.
You cling for you fear no one else will love you,
But you are wrong you see.
For I love your laugh, your smile, and even your quiet cry.
I love you for being you, and not just for your falls.
I bring with me an ember, an ember with which I see,
All that you could be, with or without me.
But as you sit with the poison, you accomplish nothing as he wants
Sitting, wasting in your silence, as I cry out from the mist.
If only you would know this, and come and sit with me.
Maybe then we could be, all we’re meant to be.

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