sad

Dramatic tunes

Dramatic tunes play in my mind

as I wait in bed for your replies

Took a trip, tried to listen to

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

But boy, I really should take note

that 1975 was never the year

that the internet was born 

then lives got weird

 

Dramatic tunes swirl in my mind

Nauseating and mesmerizing, all at once

I trace all the pieces I could find

to draw the image that may resemble you

and draft the letters I could think of

but never would I send to you

 

Dramatic tunes leech on my mind

Trying to design my last demise

The nothingness on their side,

churning violence all coincide

 

Dramatic tunes play in my mind 

As I wait for your replies 

The darkness would soon arrive

here and hear my last goodbye

The flock of crows are closing in

Floating just three feet above

But then I feel my eyes flinch

As the phone buzzed

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about the anxiety you have when you're not sure someone's still interested of you or not anymore. 

Only

It only takes a whisper

To break an eternity of silence

It only takes hope

To dispel a world of fear

It only takes love

To erase a history of hatred

It only takes a touch

To wipe away a tear

The darkest stars

As long as there are stars to see at night
There will be problems for us outside
And there's nothing to grant you a better life
Just the expectancy of something worse
Only to be surprised with something
Probably as good as it was in the beginning
And that's how life rolls
How Earth's still turns
And how dark takes over the sun
How the stars shine along

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Hopeless and Denial

Folder: 
Short Essays

Hopeless and Denial

3/17/2019

 

Afraid,

Hopeless,

Fear.

 

Afraid to accept being single,

Scared of growing old alone,

Scared of getting screwed,

Hopeless that I am alone.

 

Who am I?

Why am I here?

 

I still ponder these words and phrases each day.

 

Sometimes I want to start again,

Other days I just want to be crazy stupid,

While the rest I want to get drunk.

 

Again, I ask myself,

Who am I?

Why am I here?

 

I see all my friends having loved ones, marriage, pregnant, etc… and then I see myself sitting here and not living my life to the fullest.

I try to update my online profiles or at least have a gal to notice me;

But then I re-read myself and I am sure every woman has heard all of the cheesy pick up lines all the men have told them… and I simply give up.

There have been days I simply have wanted to give my number to a coworker (or as theirs) or even more to a customer… But I feel stupid in doing so and become shy about my approach.  Because I am too afraid of denial.

 

As I always mention…

Who am I?

What do I want?

Why am I here?

 

I know try too much… I always have and I know women “sense” that… but do they also sense of how hopeless I truly am?  I do not want pity from them or sympathy; but I do pity myself all too much into denying on who I am.

 

I always tell my friends and coworkers… that they are always Number 1 just below my Family and that I am Number Two; but in reality, I am Number Five in my book… always last and never first.

 

Almost each night I cry myself to sleep… where sometimes I just want to spin myself in drinks and get drunk who knows where.

 

They always say that the “quiet” ones are the ones one should fear most; but sometimes the most talkative ones can be just as bad because they are afraid of being judge.

 

A long time ago, I accept that I am constantly talked about behind my back.  Especially at my age since of the job I currently do.. But that hasn’t stopped me on who I am nor will it ever!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a compile between a poem & a short essay

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Society

Folder: 
dont ask

 Society

 

Walking in my dream like state

wondering

when will it end?

 

The darkness

too overwhelming

to handly by myself

 

The lonliness 

too strong for me, 

for us

 

Who decided

to let me be like this?

Why am i the way i am?

 

People say

we can be who we want to be

but

thats not true. 

Society doesnt allow that.

 

We can try

but

society wont allow it.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was inspired to write this by noticing how things are around me. Im not accepted in my school. The other students looked at me as if i didnt belong. 

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tags:

(Ain’t It Sad) How Things Turn Out to Be

When I was young,

I was so carefree,

At least that’s how

It seems to me,

Ain’t it sad

How things turn out to be?

 

Full of hope,

Full of passionate dreams,

A thrilling new world

Lay right before me,

Ain’t it sad

How things turn out to be?

 

Glass half full,

Then it’s half empty,

My mood can change

So very unpredictably,

Ain’t it sad

 How things turn out to be?


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57MUtZbXChM

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 (Ain’t It Sad) How Things Turn Out to Be began life as a song, written and recorded in 2016, although, as the lyrics make manifestly clear, it stems from one of my episodic ‘glass half empty’ periods.

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How Sad True Sadness

There was a sadness I revered,

But never possessed,

Because there was youth

And opportunity to spare,

 

But as life ebbs,

And opportunities recede,

I know that sadness for real,

And how sad true sadness feels.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

How Sad True Sadness possibly from 2015, although it has been subject to some editing since then, including a final edit, or so it is to be hoped, which took place on the 18th of January 2019.

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Thinking of You

When the sun fades away 

and the day turns into night

That's when I'll think of you

When the sky is dark 

And the moon is bright

I'll know it's you and

That's when I'll think of you

 

You were my strength

You were my inspiration

I'll never forget the day you saved my life

By showing me how to love without hesitation

You were always there for me

Whenever I felt alone

The way you would hold me

And comfort me with your soothing voice tone

 

When the rain drops fall

And there's no one beside me

That's when I'll think of you

When the snow covers the ground

And there's no one to guide me

That's when I'll think of you

 

Through out the years

You've given me laughter

You've given me tears

Through out my life you've given me hope

To go and start a new chapter

Always giving me love and support

By being my hero and taking away all my fears

 

So, whenever I'm missing you

I'll sit in the sun

I'll look up to the sky

If the moon is bright

I'll know it's you 

And that's when I'll be thinking of you

I'll stand in the rain

I'll walk in the snow

You'll forever be in my heart

And I'll always be thinking of you

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem is a heart felt, raw sense of style. It means more to me than most of anything I've ever written. It's for a special woman in my life who isn't doing so well and when I look at certain things or do certain things it makes me think of her

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tags:

The Odyssey

Folder: 
Love

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

 

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

 

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

 

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

 

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

 

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you all my everything

And you each of you left me wanting

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