He is so happy and so enthused

he plays his violin and is very amused

everyone tells him how good he can play

but he says he cannot play that way everyday.

People wonder how that could be

when obviously he can play, you can see

but when he is sober he is scared and afraid

that he will not like the song that he made.

Even though it is beautiful, and even though it is pure,

he says he needs the alcohol, and that is for sure,

to help dull his senses just enough

and make playing the violin a little less tough.

I hope that one day he will learn to play

the violin in a less threatening way

so that he too can hear the sound

 without all of his other senses bringing him down.

The cold distance,

Between my fingers;

The void,

Where you once sat.

The abyss that grows wider,

As curiosity gets the best of me.

There you are again,

Running in circles,

Sicker than a lab rat.

When was it,

You and I?

Where is the closeness --

That sigh of relief?

The gap widens,

Slipping further,

And then I let go.

No longer is there the need --

To sink my fingernails in,

And hold on for dear life.

The abyss will swallow me --

The void of blackness will consume me 

--

And there will be nothing left.

A shell --

Something no longer in existence,

Where I once would have been.

*

Into The Sea

*

Into the sea
the river seeps
until with relief
the river is seized
and begins to merge
in Neptunian deeps

-saiom shriver-

 

http://kickessnow.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/clip_image001.gif

It happens when

you're all alone....

No one answering your calls

No one answering your texts

No one there for you...

That's when you look over,

and you see your blade.

That faithful friend...

That friend who's always there

when no one else is around.

That friend that 

can bring you comfort,

bring you freedom,

make you.... 

alive.

You don't dare 

tell others that 

this is how you feel...

That, even though it's wrong,

you actually....

enjoy the blade.

You keep that inside, 

it's your little secret. 

You slowly reach out,

knowing you shouldn't

but you're done resisting,

and ready for that comfort. 

So that's when you 

go ahead,

you hold it in your hand, 

feeling the familiarity of it.

You place it to your skin,

you press it down,

you pull on it,

you drag it across your skin.

You give in and let it win.

You cut.....

You give in.

Nights spent standing over you.

I caressed your cheek after every tremble.

Though your eyes were closed,

I can tell you were frightened.

You stare your restless eyes upon me when I'm here.

When I am away, you sleep like a baby.

I come home in the midst of the night,

To find you clutching the sheets

And squinting your eyes.

Wrestling the adversity in your sleep.

You suffer, my love.

I pressed the knife into your heart.

Your suffers shall subside. 

Oh, the wonders of this world
Make me feel so small
When I look up to the sky
The trees tower so tall.

Maybe, then, won’t the world
Being so grand as it is,
Have problems greater than mine?
More serious than this?

‘Cause now I’m feeling so alone
In a world so big and vast.
I know not why this troubles me-
But no happiness will last.

Oh, how I want these tears to come,
But somehow come they won’t.
I try to cry and let it out
And yet still, cry I don’t.

This pain won’t leave, won’t let me free
My heart- O, how it hurts!
These thoughts of you won’t let me be,
And still that’s not the worst.

All the things I did for you-
How could you ignore?
You took my heart, but now it’s washed
Upon a lonely shore.

With my heart on my sleeve,
and my head in the clouds,
You left me alone, and
I’m lost in the crowd.

They warned me against you-
I gave you a chance.
But I’ve sung my last love song
I’ve danced my last dance.

I sit all alone now
And wish I could cry.
But my mind- it won’t let me;
And I think I know why.

And so now, the answer:
This pain is not real.
My mind is just telling
My heart what to feel.

‘Cause now if I think-
And thinking I am-
I’ve lost next to nothing
By not holding your hand.

So maybe it’s good
I can’t cry over you.
And maybe it’s best
That I bid you adieu.

All our laughs and good times spent
Will surely fade away,
For with every page that’s slowly turned
Comes a brand new day.

I wish you could stay a part of my world-
What a wonderful part you were!
But I see the happiness you get
Whenever you’re with her.

So go, have fun, enjoy your life.
Just get away from me!
For now I just want nothing more
Than alone and left to be.

I’ll go on eventually.
I’ll put on my mask.
That smile that lies
With every look cast.

And so we move on.

The heat beats upon my body and skin
as I let loose the demons held winthin
The dance about as I sit and ponder
The laugh and mock as I let my mind wander
It spins free to all the possibilities
The truths and lies of sanity's
I free myself from mental torture
I let go of what I've been made to endure
They run around me but I see them not
All I see is my life stiring in a pot
I see my past and furture, all as one
I see what will come and what is done
I feel my anguish wash away again
Wishing with it so would go all sin
The warmth burns and reddens me
but that feeling is like ecstacy
I lie and allow my body to go dead
I lose all feeling even dread
I relax into and out of myself all at once
Allowing in my mind a unique balance
I finally feel again at peace
All of the evil thoughts cease
They run out of my head to the room
Doing things I dare not assume
Then I feel my peace as it slowly begins to fade
as I must leave this place where I was unafraid
I turn the nobs to stop my joy
I rise and let myself destroy
all that finally had felt right
Now I begin to feel my sight
I am back to this hardened world
My demons rush in and make be feel hurled
The sorrow sinks deeper and deeper
Never allowing my thoughts to alter