suffer

Your Father's Mess!

Consistently calling me disrupting my work day just to tell me your father was really ill was a terrible mistake!

He was your father in action but a stranger to me; my well being he would always forsake!

How dare you expect me to stop what I was doing to bend over backwards for a man who always showed he didn't care about me?!?

My response mirrored his lack of concern for my life; and I don't give a fuck if you disagree!

He chose to be present in your life while absent in my life so don't act surprised that I am not really impacted by his departure!

He is gone now so you don't have any reason to  contact me any further!

You had the nerves to contact me and suggest that I was responsible for trying to establish a relationship with your child neglecting dad!

The fact that you even think like that validates our lack of sibling relationship should continue to make me glad!

You disgust me and I am done with any involvement I was previously entertaining with you!

You have shown your true colors now your limited chapter in my life is also through!

You attempted to clean up your father's mess instead of staying in your lane!

For you to ever try to re-unite with me would substantiate  that you're

Insane!

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on a true story involving the interactions preceding and after the death of my birth father Tuesday  August 14, 2018.

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-Lock N' Love-

I gave you the key
But you give me pain
I chain a promise
But you see a cage
We roll to the future
Like a coin, keeping its balance
But I'm the one who always left..
And you're the one, who always right..
As we struggle to free ourselves
You cut my heart string
For you to let go
While I endure the pain for me to hold on.
You said that, you don't want to hurt a friend.
But still, you hurt me.
I said, I don't want to hurt my love..
But still, I keep on hurting you.
You keep on bleeding
But I prefer to be blind
I scream my sufferings
But you prefer to be a deaf.
We know we tried.
But still, it came..
And now we knew;
We are locked with each others hatred.

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I feel quit lonely here, about to burst in to tears.

I feel quit lonely here, about to burst in to tears. I can't imagine how my heart really feels, but I know I feel tired of the lies everyone tells me. I think my heart is hurt by all the pain I hold inside me. I feel like screaming till my voice is gone completely, like crying and never stopping just how rain happens, like running after something that's not really there but I keep going because I'm so confused of everything that's going on. I wanna say I'm sorry but why should I, if I'm not the one hurting anybody, I'm the one getting hurt but I still hold it in till I can't no more and then explode of all the pain, jealousy, anger, madness, and love, the one thing I fear most sometimes. I try being someone else because I wanna forget who I am, I wanna be someone who no one lies to and never leaves me waiting. I wanna be that girl who everyone loves, just like everyone loves the Fresh air of the beach when there walking in the sand with their love ones. But I will always stay stuck here wanting everyone to stop lying to me and tell me truth about how they feel. There's only one thing in life I want the most and that's to love the ones that are there for me and have never lied and to succeed in life with the goals I have in mind. I feel quit lonely here about to burst in tears. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this poem yesterday, I guess I didn't feel good about something or someone.  I guess i was just tired of all the lies and the untruthness. I don't know how it sounds but I just wrote what ever came out from inside of me. We live in a world full of lies, hate, jealousy and confusion and maybe its bringing me down Sometimes And wrote something about it. 

Nightly Hells And The Right Way

Where do I go from here?
I'm so lost, so full of fear.
I'm tired of these motels, these hotels, These nightly hells,
I cant stand the back pain from sleeping in the back seat of my car,
Or living for fight to fight, each payment coming with a new scar.
What I've done with this life has taken me so far,
so far in fact that it's gone to far.

I can't help but look back and feel I've been traveling in the wrong direction.
And in what direction was my misdirection?
I'd like to think it was left.
I want to believe I've traveled so far left that there is no more left.
Everything I do from this point on has to be right.
The right direction, the right choices, the right way.

So say what you may,
But in order to understand you have to follow my life back a bit upstream.
At first I was following a dream,
But was it my dream?
It started so long ago
I don't even know.
It's as though my dreams have been stitched together with seams from another mind,
I was so young, so blind.
I followed the dreams they made for me, but left my own behind,
And I find, that lately,
I've started living to forget the memories of yesterday.

I know by tomorrow, I'll be denying today.
There's not much else I can say.
I just want to break down and let the world have it's way.

 

Yet I fight.
Even though I don't want to, I make myself fight until the world has no fight left in it.
No more left!
I will drain it to its very last bit.
And it's funny how I justify it;
Because when there's no more fight, all that can be left is peace.
And peace is right.
Right?
I mean, Isn't this what's right?
The right direction, the right choice, the right way?

After all, whats the worst that can happen If I follow this path?
What would happen to me if I can't stand this worlds wrath?
I'd die.

 

But I don't mind,
It doesn't have to end like a fairytale.
Even if I fail, I can finally rest.
Sleep in eternal blackness.
It would be so calm, so simple.
Simplicity at its best.

But I want to succeed,
I want to win this fight,
I want it to be over,
I want to be right.
Choose the right life, the right direction, the right way,

And you may think I'm crazy,
But I think I'm right.
I think This is the right direction, the right choice, the right way.
All these words, the right words to say.
This is how it shall be.
This is what will amend me.
This is right,
You'll will see.

 

- The Lazarus

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Please let me hear your opinions on this one. It is my favorite piece to perform.

View verbalverbatim's Full Portfolio

The right way

So much hate in this world, So many tears, and So many fears in this world that turns.
Turns So slowly like and empty merry go round abandoned by the children.
They loathe and conquer the meek. They digest souls as they walk aimlessly.
They are everywhere omnisciently waiting to devour.
They know not another way to live. They wouldn’t change if they could.
If you, like so many wear your heart on your sleeve they will steal it from you. They will fight one another for your heart for theirs does not beat with love and compassion, it only knows hate.
Their hateful hearts feed off love. They steal love like something on a shelf unaware they are captors.
They devour and indulge in helpless souls that endeavor to find love.
You expect one day for them to see their evil ways. It will never happen.
You wait foolishly like the rest just to contest and complain, all the while rotting your brain to nothing.
You let your heart bleed out precious blood. This is the blood that saves instead of prey, the blood pure with true intentions and valuable lessons. This is the blood that was passed down generations just for your heart to beat and be torn to pieces like a vicious lion mauling its victim.
You must move on. You are better than this. The entire world is not this way.
This world is not only dismay and destruction. It is more! You must find your way in this darkness we call the world with no light. You must fight and struggle to break free and find peace.
You will obtain the peace; you will find it like lost keys one day, probably in front of your face begging you to look while you turn the other way.
You must for now continue the journey and the learning, the struggle and the yearning.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I approached writing this in a much different way that when i usually write. I'm just experimenting with this and will probably add much more to it.

View xxf00lxx's Full Portfolio

Hollow

Folder: 
Love

Church bells ring
But I don’t hear them
Silence is my only sound
My world is in black and white
The color is gone
Since you’re now no longer around
Music once flowed, now out of my life
Children are laughing
But I can’t see
All I see is you, leaving me slowly
Watching me suffer
In love with you, forever I’ll be

Why didn’t I fight
My cowardice shown
But now you’re gone
And I’m left all alone
I’d rather be in pain
Than feel nothing at all
Apathy, still having
Yet further to fall
My heart ripped out
A hollow chest remains
No power to fight
Memory, my chains

So, am I living or have I yet died
Nothing is left, I’m hollow inside

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