Your Father's Mess!

Consistently calling me disrupting my work day just to tell me your father was really ill was a terrible mistake!

He was your father in action but a stranger to me; my well being he would always forsake!

How dare you expect me to stop what I was doing to bend over backwards for a man who always showed he didn't care about me?!?

My response mirrored his lack of concern for my life; and I don't give a fuck if you disagree!

He chose to be present in your life while absent in my life so don't act surprised that I am not really impacted by his departure!

He is gone now so you don't have any reason to  contact me any further!

You had the nerves to contact me and suggest that I was responsible for trying to establish a relationship with your child neglecting dad!

The fact that you even think like that validates our lack of sibling relationship should continue to make me glad!

You disgust me and I am done with any involvement I was previously entertaining with you!

You have shown your true colors now your limited chapter in my life is also through!

You attempted to clean up your father's mess instead of staying in your lane!

For you to ever try to re-unite with me would substantiate  that you're




Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on a true story involving the interactions preceding and after the death of my birth father Tuesday  August 14, 2018.

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The Tree

As I walked down the road thinking,

How all hope had abandoned me...

I came up on a pitiful sight~

A bent, lonely and broken tree.

Tears fell from my eyes,

As I reflected on my life...

How much I felt like this tree~

Pitiful, broken and full of strife.

I sat down at the base,

Closed my eyes and begin to pray...

"Dear Lord, why did I give up.

And allow the strings of my heart to fray?"

He  answered with a whisper,

Like a soft and gentle wind...

You turned away from Me, my child~

But I promise this isn't the end."

He then went on to tell me,

To look at the top of the tree...

So I tilted my head skyward~

And saw two lovely green leaves!

Then God said "when you think you're alone

And feeling lonely broken and bent...

Look up to Me for reassuranc~

For My love is Heaven sent.

And like the two leaves,

That you now see...

I will ALWAYS be with you~

Especially when you're a broken and bent tree.

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Baked potatoes and regret

i long for your comfort 

but dare ask not. 

I long for your attention

but give instead of got. 

 i must escape for sanity

reality crushes too harsh 

so instead i just retreat  

To the bites and Pages 

savoring the comfort, however meek

refusing to ask you

i seek to comfort myself

alone, with baked potato regrets. 

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Black Cloud Weeping

White clouds seeking direction, being tossed all around, soaking up the tears from all that they are aground. White too dark as they bring fear, thunder and slashes as they appear. Not meant to be alone, but that is their fate, as all the new ones, don’t want to share in its fate. Down comes the tears, as white clouds sneer.  As it weakens, all wish well, with not one weeping. Only thinking of themselves as they swell slowly never realizing they are also now growing.  

By Rob Casteel

Abandoned Child


My brother died,

And in his place;

I was born;

But I was repelled.


My mother threw me from the table,

Abused me, both mind and body.

My father never present,

And if so, he ignored me.

They left each other fast,

'cause mother was a lesbian.

But my father needed a woman,

For his children and as a housewife.


The second was quite alright,

Even if she made me eat axis.

Only my sister I couldn't see,

That became off limits.


After years they had their divorce,

And then came the third, the most terrible.

My wicked stepmother,

The greatest dictator.


She tried to strangle my brother,

Then father did interfere.

She put me in the sanitarium,

With false motives, my fear.


Firstly in a crisis-centra,

'cause I run away from home.

Then in the sanitarium,

Where I for six months did roam.


In the sanitarium,

Provided with medication.

By which I lost my memory,

Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...


Regularly I suffered blackouts,

By which I saw nothing.

Not knowing what I did,

Much like sleep-walking;

And strange vistas occurred.


I wasn't suffering delirium,

Is what the doctors told.

So all this time,

I was in the asylum for no reason.


Then I had to go to boarding-school,

Where I developed something bad: anger.

I wanted to kill another, a female;

And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;

Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,

But I had to from Satan...


What happened was unforeseen,

'cause my room was now aflame.

The building completely in axis,

The police came to arrest me.


A year and a half in prison,

Locked away in a cell, in Hell.

A year and a half terror,

The bondage of society.


When I got out, there was another project,

Named room-training.

I had to work in a factory,

But that didn't end well...

I started to mutilate myself,

Which I learned in the sanitarium.

They send me to the hospital,

To the psychiatric division.

Then again to the crisis-centra,

Which I didn't liked at all.

As if I had to start over,

This was too much overall...


Through the open door I escaped,

And from my last money;

I was buying a train-ticket,

Which brought me to Ramses.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my autobiography.

Barely Breathing (A song by me)

V1: I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing

Trying to get away, tryna fight this feeling.

My heart feels like its taking a beating.

But I'm holding on tryna stop the bleeding.

Why won't you just try and make it work?

If it's already over, what could it hurt?

I hope this is a nightmare that I'm just dreaming,

Contemplating ways that I could just get even...


Sometimes I feel like the pain is too much,

when I'm missing you and yearning for your touch.

And when I'm falling apart... Oh I'm falling apart...

But you're just too far away from me,

Is that where you really wanna be?

Leaving me stranded and all alone,

Forcing me to remember what its like,

when you have to walk alone.

V2: What do I do when you won't see reason?

When you change your mind more than we change seasons?

When you don't even care that my soul is bleeding?

and that I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing....


V3: Oh, what do I do when I'm drowning in pain?

When I'm crying inside cause things ain't the same?

When I'm screaming and shouting, calling your name?

But you don't even care that you're to blame....

I'm still alive but barely breathing!

Tryna get away, tryna fight this feeling.

When all in the world wants to keep us apart,

but i need you here to repair my heart....

Chorus x2 then fade out:

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based off of breakeven by The Script but its a rewrite/ remake by me. Its song on the same beat, rhythm, and tune. Its not the best but I love it!!! So yeah hopefully you do too :) I'll post myself singing it when I get a camera :)


Here's the video(by the script)/ Instrumental links:





Left alone cold replaced

A man without a face

Single unknown unknowable

Left with feelings not showable

Heart pieces hidden and bled dry

Not a tear left for either eye

No one talking no one hearing

Your memory in my brain is searing

Festering with no relief in sight

Alone I wait day and night

Waiting and waiting for some talk

As back and forth on the floor I walk

No one calls or says anything

My heart and mind are picketing

Gone for good or gone for worse

I sit here alone in my curse

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While you wait...for Plum Serpent

Sitting on your stone chair waiting...
Reminiscing on your past, wanting...
The breeze came and went, and
you're still waiting...
Yesterday was beautiful, Today is

Tomorrow will be too late...
Chiseling memories on your stone
chair, desiring to be held, to belong,
to be loved...
Time is full of excuses, yet you do
not care...you're still waiting under
the moonlight for the shadow of
your love...

Sitting on your stone chair waiting
for someone you never knew, for a
forbidden love you only wished upon,
yet while you wait, your love came and
went, but you were to busy crying...
waiting, wanting, desiring...
Your redemption is concrete, sugar
tears...wail like a banshee, yet your
voice is illicit...the rain dances over me,
while you drown in misery...

I breathe lava and spit fire, you swallow
ashes and exhale sulfur...The Phoenix is
now a crow, my God is Plum Serpent,
you worship Quiabelagayo for pain and

We follow the Popol Vuh, yet, you believe
in King James...your salvation is now an
illusion...follow me, I will cross you over
The River Styx...

Sitting on your stone chair, waiting...
thinking you're still alive...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Living in a dead reality...

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Lonely Pest


Sitting here waiting for.....
Apparently nothing seeable
Socially getting sore...
And disagreeable

Everything happens inside my head
But when it plays out
I should have stayed in bed
Before losing this bout

Sitting here waiting for....
Someone to care for me
I'm hurting to the core...
Because of omissioncy

I'm hurting inside and out
But nobody seems to notice
Trapped inside my own doubt
I feel the unwanted locust

I'm a pest for society
To reek havoc only by existence
My memorability
Is my worst consequence

I speak and say help me!
But they just hear Hi.
Why don't you see me?
I just get goodbye.

Did i not cry out to you?
No. Not with words.
My emotions did not get through?
No. That's absurd.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have had to move school again. This will be my senior year. It will be the largest and most daunting school experience ever. But I'm the only one that seems to see myself whe I really am, even though i'm sending it out emotionally. My "friends" in my neighborhood treat me like an outsider because i've been either homeschooled or in a charter school all my life. I'm in pain. And nobody can see it but those that don't care.