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As a child my past haunts me still, but worst yet it makes me want to kill.  I hear I do, I hear I might, but all I feel is a flight of fright. Child lays still, the shadows gives me chills. The floor is cold before I’m sold, reminiscing the last words I was told, there is no one to help your worthless soul.  The first day to this day I’m shattered inside for that day everything died.    

 Written by   Rob Casteel

ZZZZZZ

So you feel you are worthless.

You hold the knife

and you cut yourself.

You say you make the letter

Z.

ZZZZZZZZ

You watch

the blood...dripping...

ZZZZZ

You feel worthless,

But if you ever met

and cared for someone,

Someone who held the world in the palm

of their hand one day,

And the next day

slipped on ice and became 

paralyzed, to the point of 

not being able to go to the toilet,

ZZZZZZ

If you ever saw the helplessness,

in their eyes,

the physical pain,

the mental pain,

the pain of gut wrenching emotion they feel

to know they can never again hold their wife,

their baby,

their mother,

and have to ask for their diaper changed.

ZZZZZZZZ

A grown man,

or woman,

to see, hear, empathize with

their feeling of worthlessness,

desire to DIE,

UZZZZZZZU

And watch them try,

one day at a time,

or one hour at a time,

or even one minute at a time 

UUUUUUU

And then if you saw them smile,

and their  worthless soul lifted you

higher than any angel's wings,

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

THEN,

*

U

would know,

WHAT

 WORTHLESS

IS.

Z CUTTER.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

.....

the need

to be ugly 

to get

attention

to be pathetic

out of grief

for lives

destroyed

i've known

comatose

with more 

intelligence

2:16 AM 7/6/2013 ©

...............

I'm sorry about my burden, how I'm so wrong,

And how I'm so stupid with all that I do.

I'm sorry about the way I am, I dont belong.

I'm sorry that I never at all deserved you.

But you can't see this part of me I'm hiding,

That's so crudely hidden under what you see?

I'm sick of crying, and I can't keep on trying,

Without you I'm worthless, you are so free.

You're my antidote that gets me past every day,

You're the one to always save me from my agony.

I wish I could show you I can't live this way.

I wish I could show you my sorrowful blasphemy.

The infectious pain quickly tears me apart,

And shatters my will within a few words.

I feel so helpless, I wish I could restart,

And go back to when I wasn't such a coward.

You're my lost antidote, come cure this poisoning;

Come reverse me, turn me to my former being.

Please stay forever and keep me from maddening,

And keep me from the edge, stop the bleeding.

Empty out my pockets
Metaphorically my heart
Speak fluently in confusion
In other words retard

Dismember connotations of
What I am to you, vice versa
Rapidly descending into the blue
Cold feet, great inertia

Abstract piece of shit
Mass majority call it art
Condescending display of empathy
Somewhat of a start

Migrate to the darker side
Of the brighter end of the room
A tyrant of the world inside my head
Mere patch of grass in the one controlled by you

i'm depressed!
i reached this conclusion as i undressed.
i lay in bed unable to move, each day is filled with endless seconds without you.
i thought we'd never end, but abruptly, we did!
what's the point of telling me you love me when you leave me alone and cold?

i'm depressed!
i stare at the computer feeling worthless.
i shove food in my mouth trying to fill the hole you left.
i'm unmotivated and uninterested.
what used to enthrall me now bores me to tears.
when you cut me off you took my heart.

i'm depressed!
i confess the pills aren't effective.
i feel the slide down into despair pick up speed.
every ache, every pain, i blame on you.
i try to occupy the hollow hours where you used to be,
but nothing sets my tortured soul free.

i'm depressed!
you'd laugh and declare me useless.
i miss the little things that annoyed me the most.
do you feel better now?
or, like me, do you still have my ghost to exorcise?
i feel incomplete, like there was no closure.
you felt there was because you never answer when i call.

i'm depressed!
i hope time can heal this emotional mess.
the demented days hand out their punishment.
our pictures of happiness taunt me from the wall.
i want to burn them all.
i rock back and forth in a pathetic dance.
i surrender to this moment.
God help me, I'm depressed!