How to apologize without saying "I'm" or "sorry" (day 157)

Lying
for me
is like a second skin.
 
All those times I talk
all those times you believe me
it’s like a battle
but I always hide your weapons
 
and when I could hear the song of ashes in your eyes
life caught up to me.
 
This is the best I can do to atone
I wish I could paint you in something real,
I wish I could paint you on every wall,
I wish I could pull you up every mountain you ever find.
This is how I will forgive myself.
This is how I will forgive knowing
you will never forgive me.
 
So I will stand here,
put my fear on wings
just to see the reflection of my apology
on your skin.
 
These are the only words I’ll use
I have burned so many days
with the aftermath of my own insanity
I look down at this body like half a piece of driftwood
trying to find my way to the river
but every time I turn around there’s another pair of jaws.
 
These are the only words I’ll use to say
I don’t want to live any more days
knowing I lit the fire in your head
knowing I’ve sworn a blood oath to the reason you can’t sleep
 
There is blood in this river,
we have swallowed it down
but it is no longer a scar
it is a blood promise
and I need to let it make us whole
 
So I’ve collected some
little pebbles
they’re not much
but I’ll stay here till dawn scratches open the sky
throwing them at your window
so I can learn how to unsleep like you
so I can learn how to bleed like you
so I can learn how I made you choke
so maybe
you might open the window again.
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/1/17

Atone

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Morningglory's picture

Dang

This was an awesome piece! 

 


Copyright © morningglory

allets's picture

Bravo Writing This

"...I’ll stay here till dawn scratches open the sky..." miraculous line. - slc
 

 

 

SSmoothie's picture

New year resolution?  To be

New year resolution? 

To be accountable is good self admonishing sounds a bit pomp 

wonder if they hold out till the window breaks? Real sorry s are any sorry s you are to feel expressing it well, that's another matter entirely I guess first you got to sort out who it's for? Really.

love this so many great lines, so much to think about awesome job. Cheers 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

Blackwingedbird's picture

...dawn scratching open the

...dawn scratching open the sky... seems like a terrble time to wait.

word_man's picture

was that a real apology ?

was that a real apology ?


ron parrish