to accept and to refuse

i have accepted my feelings
i have accepted the stealing
of my mind and the revealing
and its hard to accept the unappealing.
I refuse the expectation
i refuse the obligation
to depend on the awkward hesitation
and its ard to refuse that molestation

Be Little, Be Nice

It’s not you, it’s me;

an apology doused in insincerity.

5 words,

hold up your hand,

It’s the same shape I use to slap and brand.

To block out the sun, to not go blind.

To smile and wave, staying clandestine.  

To wear a suit to get a job,

three fingers gone

 part of a mob.

To cover my mouth

 loose woman, loose tongue;

you give me safety scissors and a water gun.

A tailcoat, feather boa plea.

Wailing jesters joke on one knee,

on a piss covered floor, the show goes on.

 Don’t tell anyone, slut, it was just for fun. 

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The Secrets Out

Assorted Stuff

It was the summer, I was seven going on eight
The first time I remember ever feeling hate

He made me feel so gross, so used
I was being sexually abused

He put his hands places they didn’t belong
I was so young, yet I knew something was wrong

I remember feeling so ashamed
It was myself that I mostly blamed

He manipulated me, played tricks with my mind
I wanted to tell, but courage was hard to find

As his hands crept over my fragile little frame
I yelled in my mind for help, but none ever came

I wanted him to stop I wanted to leave
If I told anyone would they even believe?

A lonely little girl
All alone in the world

Innocence stripped, replaced with fear
A disgusting secret that I soon would share

I felt so embarrassed, couldn’t even look in my own mothers eyes
I remember her tender embrace as she held me while I cried

Now an adult grown in so many ways
But thinking back still plagued by the days

When I was just a little kid
I hope you rot for what you fucking did

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Sneaky Snake

Well tell me Mr. Sneaky Snake

 Does it make you feel good

 To know that you robbed your own

 Family of their childhood.


The pain it runs deep

 It's something I can't forget.

 It festers in the back of my mind,

 It eats at my soul like a tick.


Time is supposed to heal all wounds

 But these memories won't go away,

 It hurts me deep inside

 Every moment of every day.


Family is supposed to keep you safe,

 Teach you trust and love.

 Now how do you feel

 That you've betrayed your own blood?


Years later you finally said sorry,

 Yeah, only sorry you got caught.

 You're growing sicker and older now

 Drinking yourself to death while you rot.


I've always felt embarrassed & ashamed,

 It makes me sick to my stomach.

 If it wasn't disgusting enough to abuse me,

 You had to mess with my cousins.


I can't wait till the day

 That I may piss on your grave

 Someone that was truly sincere,

 I could have forgave.


Just know that Karma's a bitch,

 And one day you'll pay your dues

 Be it this life or the next

 there's a special place in hell

 reserved for people like you.

~Deziraye Wald~

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Don't like to talk about this, but somtimes it helps to let it out.

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