bullshit

Long time

Been feeling pretty uninspired,

The irony my life has been spiraling,

Taking notes about my meditations and dreams,

Going back and forth with myself 'it isnt what it seems'

Even now, writing but not feeling the words,

'How do I feel, how do I feel'  no adjectives, no verbs, 

To describe my daily illusion, 

All the sick as fuck things ive been doing,

These thoughts and white bitches ive been consuming,

Jesus make me believe in you again,

I wanna believe my future could change if I could just see the light through you again,

These crystals around my neck are heavy but im not grounded,

Obsessing about all of the things around me,

Be mine, someone,

Ive lost my contentment,

If I dont feel another body against mine soon I might betray my commitments,

Light eyes give me hope,

I hope she never reads this,

Im an alien, on a terrace, just standing for what I believe in,

These silly words,

These silly words just giving you feeling,

I have none,

Empty but filled with so much expression,

The church would say your blessed and,

You are satan, for including your love for a woman within the same statement,

Im rambling now,

Lucifer the gardian angel of mine who wears a crown,

Send me down a blessing from the sky,

Perferrably a bitch with nice tits, pink lips, and a smile as sharp as a tooth pick,

Make her love me unconditionally even when im acting stupid,

Unconditionally even when im disillusioned...

Oh, and send me a bag of money.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Because its been a while...

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How Do I Celebrate Valentine's Day?

 

Can’t there be a holiday for the lonely people?

 

People walking around in a daze

 

Makeup running down their cheeks

 

Reflecting on the one who slipped through their needy fingers

 

Or cursing their solitude

 

Wishing no one would have to share their quiet worthlessness

 

No

 

Instead we pile teddy bears onto shelves like shitty food onto cafeteria trays

 

We cram chocolate into heart shaped boxes

 

Packed tightly, claustrophobic

 

Like the air tight monogamy of a committed relationship

 

We buy women expensive lingerie

 

Only to tear it off the minute it’s in front of us

 

We buy overpriced cards so Hallmark

 

Can tell our partner how we really feel

 

And we do it all in the name of love,

 

Or at least whatever we’re calling the social contract conjoining two people

 

Who enjoy talking to each other almost as much as fucking

 

I want a national regrets day

 

Just some sort of terrible liquor on clearance

 

And a note pad where everyone can write down their mistakes

 

Could I finally make my friends jealous as they awe at my expansive scroll?

 

And what about slutty people?

 

Where is their holiday? (If we’re not counting Halloween)

 

Divorced, widowed?

 

I think they deserve a holiday as well.

 

Some people have good reason to avoid relationships

 

Perhaps they had the romance of the century

 

Until an untimely death or illness

 

Maybe he turned out to be a cheater

 

Maybe she turned out to be a he

 

But alas,

 

I get on with my point,

 

Valentine’s Day isn’t the celebration of real love

 

It’s the annual cornballathon ode to our obsessed, idealistic vision of it

 

Love is powerful and incredible

 

But it’s also brutal and gross

 

It has sharp elbows not found on a cuddly teddy bear

 

And when you celebrate love

 

You’re also celebrating jealousy, revenge and despair

 

It may be too darn starry- eyed for one to suggest we stop pretending love is anything you’d be able buy in a store

 

But my non- conformist, abominably angst ridden heart is unrelenting in its pursuit

 

Start enjoying what we really are

 

Not what the commercials say we should be

 

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"Living" Homeless

Folder: 
D. E. A. F.

It's funny how attitudes change,

when people find out you are alone.

That you have no pillow to rest your head,

nor a bed to call your own.

Sometimes even family will turn their back,

and slowly look the other way.

But still somehow manage to ask you favors,

or for a cut of your pay.

But they don't care if at night,

you're frreezing before you lay on the ground.

Then when your hungry they don't care,

or hear when your starving stomach makes a sound.

But yet when all is okay,

and you have a place to live and food to eat.

They want to be the first ones to know,

and congradulate you getting on your feet.

The government doesn't seem to care either.

If they did I wouldn't be here in the first place?

And what of all these starving children,

give them a bagel and watch them stuff their face.

I know what it feels like to be "Living" Homeless,

except you can't really say you're lving, right?

When everyone gones inside and locks their doors,

and your forced to battle the weather for the night?

When no one cares what happens to you,

not the government, or family, and that's about it.

So if you ever end up "Living" Homeless,

be prepared for excuses and bullsh*t.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I won't divulge whether this is personal or not but it is meaningful. Give Feedback.

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Binary Cognition (the Expanse vs. the Inhibitors)

Intruders in the dome of geodesic pink:

Fixtures there have risen, tendrils turned from digits,

forming living chains with corruption housed in-link.

 

All preemptive measures have fizzled in repose;

neurons dim by proxy, the smell of sleep is known

and shared among synapses as they lapse and doze.

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is really awful and I don't really feel like fighting to finish it, so enjoy, or something.

View sivus's Full Portfolio

Hatred Boiling the Blood in My Veins

Every bullshit are like fires,
They hit me like a flamethrower.
Hatred grows like bubbles in a bath,
They grow bigger and bigger until they pop.

But, the fires burns on my skin so much.
My blood boils hotter until bloody bubbles are what's left of me.
All my anger and hatred filled up,
My veins are about to break and spill the blood everywhere.

It hurts so damn much...
I don't want to end up looking like Carrie
A filthy, bloodied woman just filled with hatred.
But, the pain just won't end from the fires...

Combing through the Bullshit

Is this how I should feel?
Broken.
Bruised.
No real ties.
Reckless.
Footloose.
A mess with no real path.
Is this God after a cruel laugh?
My reputation
Considered a rebel.
Did I damn myself
Make a Deal with the Devil?

BULLSHIT

Scared of whom I have become
No clue how I got here,
where it all begun?
Desperate for love,
never found it.
Bleeding out
Roll over
Drown in it.
Looking for answers
No tears left to cry
All that's left;
Spread my wings and fly.
Or do I give up?
Bleed out and die.

Ego Enigma

Folder: 
FUN STUFF!

Pluck all the haters
pluck all the lazy ones
pluck all thier insecurities
and chuck them in the annointed abyss

pluck all the users
pluck all the misers
pluck all the losers
and call them to account and smash their egos in

pluck all the rumours
pluck all that defiles
pluck all their foolshit
and jam it up thier hopeless selfish ends

pluck all the attacks
pluck all the misunderstanding
pluck all their false bravado
and hang them with thier ineptitude deftly

pluck all the envy
pluck all the deciet
pluck all the faker lies
and return your glance a glacier icy slice

pluck all the energy
pluck all the time
pluck all the effort
and love it gently putting it into a worthy vein

pluck all the venom
pluck all the conspiracy
pluck all the Haters
and swap all the first 2 words l's with h's read now

pluck all the last lastlines
pluck all the the last words
pluck all their meaning last to first.
and all will make sence when going back and understanding what I meant.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I like puzzles and poems. I darkly morphed the two with an issue I feel strongly about.

little words of wisdom

 

 

you're so annoying

 

you try to send me little words of wisdom

 

but they just piss me off

 

and make my shoulder's tight

 

always trying to give me

 

a way out of growing

 

"you're perfect just the way you are"

 

"imperfect is perfect"

 

"everything is as it should be"

 

"you don't need to change"

 

ugh

 

Yuck!

 

it annoys the crap out of me

 

how 'bout something like

 

be the change you want to see in the world

 

something that encourages growth

 

isn't that what you're job was supposed to be?

 

you who always told me I was perfect

 

before I ever learned a fucking thing

 

it would've been a lot more helpful

 

if I'd known I had to work 

 

a little harder to really learn

 

no, I'm not some little genius

 

I'm not soooo good at playing the guitar

 

I never even fucking learned it

 

can't play but a couple of notes

 

No, I am not a great tennis player

 

I can just hit a few balls back and forth

 

but I don't know the game

 

I never learned that either

 

I am not a great artist

 

I never learned any technique

 

I never had to

 

cuz in your eyes

 

I was already perfect

 

so I didn't have to learn anything

 

but it's not true

 

no... I'm not okay just as I am

 

I do need to change

 

I do need to learn

 

I do need to look deep within

 

I do need to shed light on the darkness

 

I do need to stop the lies

 

and your little words of wisdom

 

are fucking bullshit!

 

So shut the fuck up!

 

 

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