hurting

Offspring Treason

 

I'm so damn beaten down,

still so emotionally abused,

Cruelly, verbally attacked,

...and so wrongly accused. 

 

From such spiteful, hurtful,

and hateful, misguided fools.

Influenced by others, not aware,

they are being used as tools.

 

Tools, just out to hurt me,

for no actual, damn reason. 

My own flesh and blood-

-An 'offspring-treason'.

 

May as well twist out my heart,

and throw it there, on the floor.

Because it can't take this pain,

or this hurting, anymore.

 

All I've done is try harder,

and cry too many endless tears.

Anything I even try to say,

falls upon, deafened ears.

 

They can't see what they do,

through such tainted eyes.

And no more can I take,

all the vicious attacks and the lies.

 

I birthed them, I nursed them,

I raised and susatined their very lives.

Just to now be paid back in full,

with their back-stabbing knives.

 

It shames me now, to admit,

this abuse, by two children of mine.

Taught so well by him, how to hurt,

and how to abuse and to malign.


For I did not raise them with hate,

only showed them my love and affection.

Their outcome-a result of watching abuse,

and learning all about, his rejection.

 

They are too tainted now, to see truth,

though I pray it someday, can be done.

For even through all this heart-wrenching pain,

I still love my daughter, and my son.

 

Hatred is for the Sensitives,

Borrow my heart

Talk to my friends

Tell him he's special

Leave him again

Empty your closet

Rest head in my hands

Tell him he's special

leave him again

Take all the pictures

Throw them away

Act like they never

Had right to take place

OpEn HiS HeArT

RiNsE Of YoUr HaNdS

TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM

MISTREAT HIM AGAIN

DECIDE ALL IS WORTH

FUCK ALL HIS FRIENDS

PROMISE YOU'LL NEVER

LEAVE HIM AGAIN

SAVE YOUR OWN SKIN

SCOLD HIM INSTEAD

RINSE OF THE BLOOD

sleep in your bed.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

intoxicated

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Pressure on the Wound

Put pressure on the wound,
Although it won’t stop bleeding,
Insecurity has a hold around my neck,
As reflexes punch and kick.
Trying to get to the surface of a crowded mind,
Paranoia whispers chaos formed when silent and alone.
Too scared to lose what was always wanted,
Grip so tight it breaks under the demand for an answer.

Submerged in the chemical breakdown,
Six feet underwater, lungs heavy and full,
Sinking below what you once knew was true,
Lost in the anxiety that comes with the withdrawal.

Love is a dangerous drug; intoxicating,
Always leaving you wanting more:
Too much will kill you,
Without it we’d never feel alone.

Walking into a reality that shatters all form of sanctuary,
The ugliness of a lover’s hold that once felt safe,
Leaves a bruise of an embrace turned restraint.
Fear is a cunning manipulator,
Planting seeds that grow the inevitable tumour:
Put pressure on the wound and hope it stops bleeding.

Too Bad

I speak my mind.

Don't like it?

 

Too bad.

 

I bear you my soul.

Don't like it?

 

Too bad.

 

I believe that all beings and 

life forms are all the same, 

and different, 

at the same time, 

and that we are slowly losing 

our connection to this concept 

as a species, and it is destroying us.

Don't like it?

 

Too bad.

 

I believe there is a sanctity 

that lies within each individual,

every animal,

every life form.

Don't like it?

 

Too bad.

 

Don't like my

style of self-expression?

My authenticity?

My 'attitude'?

My disgust with closed-minded people?

My honesty?

My truth?

 

It's just plain too bad.

I love yours, and I hope 

one day we can meet halfway.

 

 

4:20 PM 6/28/2013

 

 

©

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zIW8qDPhos

 

 

.........

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"too bad"

Are we really arguing again?

This house is too small
I feel bigger and I need a way out
My arms burst through the ever closed windows
My legs and feet through the basement floor and then soil
This foundation that should stabilize is not even the original
That grew me into a flower from seedling
Spare the house for them
But let me break free

Battle Scars

Folder: 
2012

How you cut a person so deep
I've been feeling the the pain
I want to be set free
But I cant walk just yet

But they're not the only ones
I can't stand my parents
But there is someone else
That causes trouble for me

I honestly and completely 100%
Sure of his faithfulness
He is my sire and I know
He has played with my head

But I find that he has been
Very grossly mistaken
Well his actions at least,
He was entertaining fems

Its was just one at any time
But to keep this from me
Well you may as well cut me
I found it all out, so you needn't lie

Because I knew that this
Has been goin for some time
So as a result it was
Excatly like this:

He put a knife in me
Turning it and twisting
He pulls my heart out, throws
It on the floor and stomped

~Chrystal
Written on
May 3, 2012

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written over 2 weeks and I have not posted it. Bad me.

This was written about Tom Neville. Yes, he gave me the worst sort of pain. Theres physical, sexual, and mental pain, I belive mental is the worst. You can heal everything else, but mental is Hell. Even though I dont want to think he has done anything, but something is telling me that there has to be more. My feelings haven't been wrong yet, unfortunatly.

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The dagger within My Heart

My heart as cold as Ice
Makes you freeze in Pain
The way you are

I gave u my love
You took the dagger to it
I let u into my soul
You changed it to your own pleasure

I handed my heart to you with my hands
You squeezed it till there was no beat anymore
The pain you inflicted on me has killed me deep inside

I have nothing left no more but to lay in my grave
I give u my heart i will rip it from my chest
So you can feel what i feel for the cold bliss of your love

My soul will return to this earth to show you how bad
You killed my hopes and dreams
You will see what you have done

Let me slice a little on my wrist let the blood run free
let me stab my heart to wash my pain from everyone
let me slit the neck so i can be free of this world and feel no more
Just set me free let me live with no pain

Please Just take the dagger from my heart
Take it from my soul
Just let everything flow free

The light Or My Darkness

Folder: 
Darkest Poems

Light~Darkness

Which am I in now
I see no light
I see darkness all around

It call's to me, should i answer it?
Yes i think I will
Darkness is in my heart, soul, body and mind
Things are so wrong
Things hurt to breath
It hurts to laugh-Nothing to laugh about
It hurts to smile- nothing to smile about

Darkness~ it is my life now
Why do you ask ???

Darkness does not hurt
Darkness is soft, like slik
Darkness is life, it is love
The Darkness is the only thing that has never left me

Oh Darkness my lover eternal
I will always be in your grace

Is God Darkness? or is someone else?
Is Darkness God, in his new life
Is Darkness Me
Yes the darkness in your life is me
LadyDragus

Author's Notes/Comments: 

9-27-2011
Darkness is what i fell...

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At Sea

Folder: 
2006

I’m lost at sea,

And I begin to drown.

Surrounded by the things,

That weigh me down.

I reach for you,

Just to feel your warm skin.

I hold you so close,

So I can feel you touch me again.

But then I push,

So hard, too far away.

And I sink a little deeper,

Because I hurt you today.

Now I wonder,

Will you come to rescue me?

Or leave me to drown,

In a sea of insecurity.

 

~Chrystal

Written on

April  15, 2006

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written to Paul. Yes, he was a boater, even had his own boat, when we met.

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