emotional pain

Dad, can you see me now?

 I was only allowed to meet John

right before he was gone.

Always wondering honestly,

What did I do wrong?

I love you daddy,

Only came out of my mouth one night only, sadly

After seeing him face to face In that hospital bed

Desperately, trying to connect, with a man,

soon to be dead.

Yeah, I'll visit your grave,

But it's your hugs and voice I crave

Our future's are unknown I pray to see Joshua all grown

He won't feel what I felt growing up,

feeling alone

Hearing John's voice

My heart and spirit melt

I'm not really close to

Most of Kim's side

I'm unsure if John's side

Is down with me

On this very bumpy ride

Only time will tell,

Currently I'm getting divorced

Child custody is hell

Jackie don't want me involved

I can't wait for divorce to be resolved

That's what I'm going through

What about all of you?

I could really use my dad right now

Besides prayer, I don't know how

I was only allowed to meet John,

right before he was gone.

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Nothing

 

 

It perfectly, surmises my life-

in just one simple word.

For like nothing, my existance,

Has mostly gone, unheard.

 

But I'd not be missed, 'nor mourned,

by anyone who really cared.

So why would I care, if my life,

were ever to be spared?

 

My pain has gone unnoticed,

My feelings, so easily disregarded.

I'm nothing much but in the way,

and so simply, like trash...discarded.

 

So nothing I shall continue to be,

Like I've always been before.

And nothing is what my days to come,

will always be, for evermore...

 

 

 

 

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Pressure on the Wound

Put pressure on the wound,
Although it won’t stop bleeding,
Insecurity has a hold around my neck,
As reflexes punch and kick.
Trying to get to the surface of a crowded mind,
Paranoia whispers chaos formed when silent and alone.
Too scared to lose what was always wanted,
Grip so tight it breaks under the demand for an answer.

Submerged in the chemical breakdown,
Six feet underwater, lungs heavy and full,
Sinking below what you once knew was true,
Lost in the anxiety that comes with the withdrawal.

Love is a dangerous drug; intoxicating,
Always leaving you wanting more:
Too much will kill you,
Without it we’d never feel alone.

Walking into a reality that shatters all form of sanctuary,
The ugliness of a lover’s hold that once felt safe,
Leaves a bruise of an embrace turned restraint.
Fear is a cunning manipulator,
Planting seeds that grow the inevitable tumour:
Put pressure on the wound and hope it stops bleeding.

The last straw

A million tears must have fell from my face tonight, u don't know this, but im dying inside. The worlds spinning backwards and all the sudden the wrong is starting to feel more right. And All of the sudden I feel like giving up this fight. Everything's changing tonight. I've been living in shades of gray since u went away, but keep looking towards the light and everyone keeps promising it's gonna be okay- Just give it time, time heals everything..is what they keep trying to say. Well I ain't tryin to hear all that mess, just been livin half alive as i deal with it. Just shut myself up & take a pill for it. But it's a hard pill to swallow, just bathing in the blood of pain & sorrow. These are the games that are no fun to play. Leave me alone and run away. Forgot my name, forget the pain. Love me not, curse my name . Replace me, erase me. Cover up your destiny. What's true is true, I have your key. Come with me, and I swear you'll see. There's a little spot in heaven calling our names, I know your soul & your desire to change. I've been shown who you're meant to be. No matter what happens that's all I can see. You said you love me, so why won't you let yourself be free! Cut into my heart and then you'll see. it beats for you and me & I can't be me without you so please just give me a chance. A chance to dance. A chance to live and breathe this obsession. Through this confession come back and play another day, in a different way. I promise it'll all be okay this time. It'll be fine.