Drugs

Flirting With The Monster

Folder: 
D. E. A. F.

They told me what I should do,

Just leave that man alone.

He ain't no good never will be,

he'll destroy this happy home.

But I needed him despite all that,

but I didn't love him at all.

He took me high and held me there,

I felt like I was ten feet tall.

But he took me on a spiral,

and I wasn't trying to come down.

He'd drop me from 30,000 feet,

and catch me before I hit the ground.

They always say "Don't let no man control you"

But I found myself addicted.

He had my mind tied up in knots,

without him I was writhing in pain, twisted.

We lived and roamed the streets,

With no money and nothing to eat.

But I didn't care as long as I had my monster

He was the sweetest of treats .

Oh he made me make some bad decisions,

But I just couldn't bring myself to leave.

He coddled me and told me lies,

then he forced me to believe.

He showed me how to let loose,

but then he beat me black and blue.

And though I may be getting tired of the monster,

I can't get away, Cuz' I don't know how to.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem is very subtly refering to a drug (crystal meth) known as the monster. But the drug is personified as a man in a way..... So yeah

My Turn

Folder: 
D. E. A. F.

Gather round! Don't be shy..

Reach inside the bowl.

Don't think too much, just trust your gut.

And reach for pills we stole.

You never know what you may get,

the ultimate surprise.

Just reach right in and pluck one out,

remember to close your eyes.

We've got Ritalin and Beenies,

If you want heart speed to gain.

We've got Oxy and Vikes,

If you're just tryna ease the pain.

If you just wanna chill and slow down

Xanax and Valium may do the trick.

But I suggest Ecstasy and Skippy,

If you wanna give your heart rate a kick!

Pop a molly if you're scared,

or too stressed to sleep.

But maybe you'll get Lunesta,

and get knocked out without a peep.

There are many others,

I just don't know them by name.

But I guess that's the risk you take,

when you play our game.

Come on now don't chicken out,

I told you go with your gut.

NO! Don't be stupid! Not a handful!

You'll be dead before you fall on your butt.

Yes, that's right just grab two,

Now take a swig of Jack.

You must wait for it to start,

just sit still or lie back.

I know you're scared,

At my first time so was I.

But trust me it will be okay,

you know I wouldn't lie.

See I can tell you're feeling better,

I just know don't ask me how.

Just go have fun and join the others,

because I think it's my turn now.

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Patchwork Herbology

At behest of the man who's drowned in the moat;

he thought well of leaves that could keep him afloat.

So gardeners worked to supplant and suffice

in pale, sullen light that was straining their eyes,

and were able to clot the freshwater vein

with acrid greens that splayed like a lion's mane.

 

The caretaker's jest came sudden and flowing:

these foreign shrubs had a fierce way of growing,

and control was waning and not to be had

by the fearfullest man who couldn't be glad.

So brought the trimmers and the matches and lo,

down came the patchwork garden we'd come to know.

 

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Blind love~realized disguise~rap of life~line~time

aches & pains sever the line.

the train i've been tryin' to ride,

came off the tracks.

so here I am,

i'll just sit back on this dirt ground,

the air is thick with fog, while the sky cries,

there's a blue & black cloud bringin' me down..

 

money burning all around, while you starve & whine-

out of food now.. without love you've spent too much time.

i'm not a mother fucking slot machine,

so quit shoving in your two, three, four, five cents,

i'll spit it right back out!

 

while you're at home, feeding your addictions..

greed, alcohol, drugs & sex.. 

i'll be taking care of all these convictions.

you're not good at fuckin manipulation,

cause in your words I can taste it,

the lies you've coughed out,

fucking corn syrup, cough syrup,

preservatives, fucking sick shit. 

disgusting scent, you reek of dishonesty.

 

I never believed in you, cause you never believed in me.

i'll be gone before you can count to 3.. 

never again will you see me..

 

blind, kind, innocent blackness seeping into your mind..

darkness consumes, your night is full of gloom.

into the heavens you cannot see, 

because the pits of hell have taken over,

run away, lest it devours me.

 

sorry I couldn't help you,

the rope you tied around my neck got worn & broke.

so to this i'll take a toke, 

the sheets were torn,

your eyes bled melting plastic,

& your heart withered in scorn... 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

unusual of me, but I was really feeling some rap music today... & felt inspired. so here's the product. not that great but it speaks for me.

4.11.13

The Journey

Been on this journey for far too long

But somehow stood still all along

I've lost my map and can't see land

Stranded for years out at sea man

I pray the lord extends a free hand

And I can envision THE plan

But spoken words are easier than actions

When it's time to act I fall prey to distractions

Can't help but wonder if it'll ever happen

Or am I destined for pain everlasting?

Each day I live this life

I know I'm not living right

I can't even call what I'm doing living

That's an insult to the gift I was given

I want my real life back where the colors are vivid

As my pen hits the pad, my morals now a kleptomaniac

They've stolen my spirit, begging myself to give it back.

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The Crucifixion Of Humanity (formerly 'Eyes Wide Closed')

 

I found my daughter dead today with a needle in her arm,
I thought I taught her right from wrong to shield her from such harm.
Authorities preach “Just Say No!”.  Do they simply play the “game”?
Society yields a great cash flow…their naivety a shame.

Egos argue a dollar bill amount….
As innocent lives don’t seem to count….

A man decays behind steel bars…
He pays for his mistakes….   And ours.

The fight goes on…
What’s right?
What’s wrong?

The lesson’s learned.
Be careful what and how you enjoy.
This life….so brief….is not a toy….

         …….I found my daughter dead today.

 

© 2002

 

Edited by a Title Change 2013 © 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

When we read a story about someone else's misfortune, it can be difficult. That is when all we have been taught as child comes tumbling down upon us. It sears into our psyche and emotions in much the same way that a branding iron burns a mark onto the new flesh of a baby steer, leaving with us all of the anger that we can seemingly hold to last us a lifetime to fuel our revenge for who we perceive as the one who caused us to become so stigmatized by an event or action of another. When grave misfortune happens to ourselves, it can be quite different. Trauma is something that will make you or break you. Ask any veteran who has healed from the traumas of war if given the chance, would they have declined invitation into the military. You may be surprised to hear that many of them will say that they have no regrets and would never change a thing. I do not know, because I am no where near an expert on much of anything at all, let alone psychiatry, but I am pretty sure that is how it is supposed to work in the best scenario, given the fact that there has not to my knowledge, ever been born, a person who has lived a full life without having things go wrong. Things are suppposed to go wrong, I think. The phrase, 'life handed to them on a silver platter' doesn't really happen to anyone. It is a fairytale that we imagine happens. The murderer, the rapist, the theif, the adulterer, usually has a previous life of hell or psychological and emotionsl turmoil before they commit the horrific acts that we judge without any consideration to our own tresspasses or what they must have experienced to commit the act in the first place. It is much easier for us to project the 'good vs bad' scenario that man's conditioning has created and shove them away into the darkness of our minds, crossed off the list as 'a job well done', and move on as if we have completed the task. It doesn't work. On the other side of the karmic drama we have the first time victim, who usually sees life cloaked in a picture frame of pleasantry and flower paved roads until the plastic shell that their conditioning created buckles under the rigors of reality and cracks the surface to give their soul a breath of it's own antipathy to balance the scales of justice within. And then there are those from war torn countries who have lived nothing but trauma... I do not know, but understanding trauma now as I do, I am thinking about what happened on September 11, 2001, was altogether different from what we were told. If we do not see trauma for what it is, --a need for the balance of inner harmony-- it can result in years of pain and anguish, and the trauma is never healed. The divine spark within us will continue to create the same story over and over in our lives until we learn to accept our best and most useful self as the version of who we are....who we were meant to be from birth, before the opinions of conditioning and the scales of justice invented by men twisted our own inner scales and toppled down our divine tower of reasoning and discernment that was meant to shape the puzzle piece of ourseves to fit the larger puzzle we call 'life'.

Accepting facts can be difficult when it comes to a truth that we must face about ourselves. We can ignore it, justify our actions, hide it away as though it never happened, and see what we want to see. When we broaden our scope of vision, we can clearly see that everyone has these moments in their lives. The things we endured did not happen because we were, or are, any better or worse than anone else. They happened because they were meant to happen for us to learn from. In between the taboos, conditioning, and lies that we are raised with, some people are able, through spirituality, through a 'God', through another friend or relative whose lives touch them in some magical way, to break down the walls within ourselves and look at the world in a way that promotes the balance and peace of mind we need to accept that we are human, and we make mistakes. Sometimes, a ray of light somehow makes it through the tiny cracks in the places of our mind where we have neglected to be merciful with ourselves, and we become free to accept that we all enter this life with a purpose, each individually designed to complete it's own task in order to move the wheels of evolution a step furthur into the future for ourselves, our loves ones, and the people of this planet. The great wall of our conditioning can run alongside of each culture like a childhood friend. We honor it as our friend, we love it as we do our cultural birthright, but like any friend, it has no capability or place in our lives when it comes to our own innate discernment about our purpose on this earth.  A mirror reflection of our dark side, it is there to remind us we are fallible, but only if we have the ears to listen to it.

We justify our right to label those who do not deserve the labeling to give them, under the petty faults of our 'parents, teachers, and society's' judgements of 'right' and 'wrong', 'their purpose' whilst being ignorant to our gods, divne intelligence and inner gifts without conscience in attempt to  create harmony for ourselves without regard to the harmony of all beings, and then we wonder why the pieces of our puzzle do not fit. It doesn't make sense.

"I found my daughter dead today"

His morning glory

the man lived his life, in the end, became a sad story..

wishing for her...

his morning glory.

loneliness was his plague..

walking along the concrete, his shadow amplified his defeat.. 

a pill for each sorrow.. 

doesn't care to wake for anything tomorrow..

will he ever be able to see her smile again..?

 

the guitar was his outlet..

& precious was his long hair, a golden crown..

like an angel to all around..

but the demons took his hand...

promised a better land, as they dragged him down...

robbed him of all his color... 

he gripped tightly to what was left..

but grace slipped through his finger tips...

 

pages, chapters, paper & writing..

short lived escape route.. 

books were some of his closest friends..

little did he know, how I worried about him..

wish I could of done better..

though I was just a child, it all feels the same to me..

 

like I watched his growing disease of depression make progression...

the darkness overwhelmed him, & choked him in his sleep...

I knew it was the day..

& after that, I myself haven't longed to awake in the morning...

every night I doze off, tossing & turning..

I feel like i'll wake up to someone dead..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

just wrote this today.. 3.22.13

about my Uncle who lived with me for a few years before & after my fathers death.. 

my Uncle passed Oct. 25 2007.. 

I hope he finally has some true peace, wherever his spirit may be.. 

The Wait

The air was thick

Your lungs were full

The smoke never went away

You just continued to pull

 

One line down

This powder was gold

You said you could go forever

You said this never gets old

 

The needle went in

And your soul poured out

You said you had problems

Just to many to count

 

As the bottle stood empty

You screamed and freaked

Those bottles are your life

Pills is all you will ever need

 

They werent just drugs

They were your everything

You didn't care about us

Its like pleasure was something we couldnt bring

 

We tried to help you

But you wouldn't see

You said it was fun

While you sat there to bleed

 

We hadn't heard from you

It was quite a few days

We went to your house

And you were still dazed

 

You took to much

Your heart couldn't take it

Your head was down

Your hands were shaking

 

How can you not know

what this has done to you?

Your down on your knees

Its your time to go

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Drugs aren't the way to go, you can be happy without being high. You can have fun more than one way that doesn't involve drugs. Don't waste your life..

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Battle Scars

Your names been missing
Your just a shadow
Thoughts keep circling
Your lost when it comes to battle

 

The blood soaked needle
Now dirty and dry
Fills in the light
To your lifeless lies

 

The battle scars of yesterday
No where near to fade
You keep crying out
But everything remains the same

 

So excuse me Miss
Your life isn't so bright
Sit down here
While your lies dance in the light

 

The soft singing has faded
No one likes it anymore
The window is broken
She's laying on the floor

 

Her tear damped face
No longer filled with beauty
Life isn't a race
But you flew right through me

 

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