addictions

Know my own strength

Know my own strength

By JFarrell

 

I think I know my own strength,

Which is why I haven’t given up tobacco, yet.

Twelfth day sober,

Sixth day with no weed,

And have exercised more

In the last month

Than in all of the last fifteen years.

 

And, still I think of myself as weak.

 

Severe lack of sleep,

College and work to attend,

And I push, push, push….

My body says ‘no more, give us what we need.’

I eat, it wont stay down,

I’m drinking black coffee by the gallon

Cant drink anything else….

My body just screams for alcohol.

I resist.

Stubborn idiot!

 

And, still I think of myself as weak.

 

When I am strong enough

The tobacco will go too;

All these poisons have to stop.

I hope I know my own strength,

I have to be stronger than I can imagine myself ever being,

Coward that I am, was…. not sure, right now.

 

And, still I think of myself as weak.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

am i strong or weak? does it matter?

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

The Wait

The air was thick

Your lungs were full

The smoke never went away

You just continued to pull

 

One line down

This powder was gold

You said you could go forever

You said this never gets old

 

The needle went in

And your soul poured out

You said you had problems

Just to many to count

 

As the bottle stood empty

You screamed and freaked

Those bottles are your life

Pills is all you will ever need

 

They werent just drugs

They were your everything

You didn't care about us

Its like pleasure was something we couldnt bring

 

We tried to help you

But you wouldn't see

You said it was fun

While you sat there to bleed

 

We hadn't heard from you

It was quite a few days

We went to your house

And you were still dazed

 

You took to much

Your heart couldn't take it

Your head was down

Your hands were shaking

 

How can you not know

what this has done to you?

Your down on your knees

Its your time to go

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Drugs aren't the way to go, you can be happy without being high. You can have fun more than one way that doesn't involve drugs. Don't waste your life..

View areik's Full Portfolio

Battle Scars

Your names been missing
Your just a shadow
Thoughts keep circling
Your lost when it comes to battle

 

The blood soaked needle
Now dirty and dry
Fills in the light
To your lifeless lies

 

The battle scars of yesterday
No where near to fade
You keep crying out
But everything remains the same

 

So excuse me Miss
Your life isn't so bright
Sit down here
While your lies dance in the light

 

The soft singing has faded
No one likes it anymore
The window is broken
She's laying on the floor

 

Her tear damped face
No longer filled with beauty
Life isn't a race
But you flew right through me

 

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" Reflections "

Light has a funny way of illuminating,
Then showing me the truth in the mirror,
I am at peace when you are here,
Being alone with myself is my fear,

Countless moons I have eroded myself,
Chipping slowly away at my gears,
My only weapon is held, tightly in hand,
The needles laughing at all of my tears,

Please stay with me, if only for tonight,
Then he can not get under my skin,
And seep its poison straight into my soul,
Shaking a shell thats already thinned,

I cannot stop me, it is too late,
For I am beyond all the sorrow,
Please just stay here, and hold me now,
Or I might not be here tomorrow...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

addiction was a mutherfucker man....

View grantrizmo2002's Full Portfolio

"My friend´s hobby"

“ My friend´s hobby”

My dear friend loves betting money. He is always thinking in the part of the year when he will take a break and go to Las Vegas to bet the money he has saved. He even is a VIP client at the Bellagio so they pay him for a room and plane tickets every year in order for him to keep going there. That week is the best of the year for my friend. The other part of the year he is having fun betting with my other friends upon football, basketball, baseball, he could even bet upon the weather channel´s prediction or what will the next car´s color will be when we´re in his house watching cars. He really has a lot of fun but that kind of fun hasn´t done much good on him. When he doesn´t have money he starts to sell whatever he has in his house, and I mean whatever he sees first and considers it of value. My brother´s professional pin pong table was bought from my friend in an impulse of betting. My drums, which are pretty expensive, were also of him back in the day. He told me that I will use them more and that was his excuse for selling the drums really cheap for me. Anyway, imagine all the things he has lost because of his urge to bet if I´m only explaining what he has selled really to cheap to my brother and me. I remember going to casinos with him and the worst parte is that he always loses or at least every time I´ve seen him bet he always ends un wit less than a hundred pesos and that is because he has toe at something. More than one time his parents went out on vacation and he asked them money to go on vacation with his friends also. He thought “If I bet the money my parents gave me I´ll go with a lot of money on vacation”. When he finished losing all the money he had to stay at his house and even lie to his parents that he was having fun with his friends. My dear friend is such a good person in any other aspect in life but has this necessity that has gotten him into a lot of problems and I hope he realizes that one day and starts saving up some money for hi more at least spend it in a way it lasts more such as a concert or else.

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” Alone Again With Me”

Keep me from myself,
So I can do no wrong,
I can't blame no one else,
I have never been that strong,

Paths that lead to nowhere,
Now beyond the blame,
Back down on my knees,
Again it calls my name,

Here I am, alone again,
Distorting everything I see,
Tear my soul, and wreck my life,
Leaving me alone again with me,

This war inside my head
Tempting me with lies,
Blinded by reality,
This reflection I despise,

What have I become?
I never meant to harm,
Myself is who I hate,
Stick this needle in my arm,

Here I am, alone again,
Distorting everything I see,
Tear my soul and wreck my life,
Leaving me alone again with me,

Happiness came crashing down,
At life itself annoyed,
The person that you once knew,
Has forever been destroyed,

Falling apart by the hour,
The fragile being that I've made,
Please forgive the pain I've caused,
I cannot be saved,

Here I am, alone again,
Distorting everything I see,
Tear my soul and wreck my life,
Leaving me alone again with me......

1/2 an addict, 1/2 disgusted

Folder: 
Personal Favorites

Look up, I force my gaze up
I face that unwanted reflection
The hated man, the other half
Still addicted, Dependent on meth
The realization hits again
That I and Him, The same man
Night and Day difference
Pros and Cons I weigh
His motivation beats me to it
It is a sickness and I am sick
Of it of not wanting only to want again
Of being unable to manage
Everyday tasks and hobbies I loved
Creativity seems to visit
When it’s the good shit…
Again, That man before me now
God damn this fucking mirror
He knows how badly I hate him,
He feels no where near the same
Content with his poison
But I can see it in his eyes,
He knows that it isn’t right
Will he help me quit this time?

View whatiamorwillbe's Full Portfolio

The Other Me I Become

Close your eyes for me Son
Please, so You won’t see Me
The Other Man I become
Selfish is He; Uncontrollable
All that He wants in life
Is nothing I want for you Son.
He seeks no memories,
Nothing as important,
As numbing what haunts a Man.
The Other Me I Become
Heavens I can see,
Blue skies above.
And I believe,
Demons reside beneath,
Deep below my feet.
Where do you want Me?
As a man I have to halves,
Good and Bad,
Is the middle where you want me?
Unable to make two halves meld
can a Man make two halves of himself mend,
make them One whole?
Neither a saint or a lost soul
it seems, I am to be.
But neither am I at peace with the way I can be two faces.
Innocent, Genuine, Unique...
and Foolish, and Misguided, Addicted
One Half says: I Am.
Then the Other Man I Become: Could Have Been.
I hate that man, Other Man, I am; Or will become.
The Half of me that is Reason; Believes, He’s Decent.

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Chemical Ecstasy

He promised her everything, she promised her innocence.
She jeopardizes her life , he closed out the lights.
She lies, cheats and steals; self reflection was all her pain.
He would tell her there is much more to gain.
She now needs him to sleep and to wake; he consumes her make no mistake.
She a host him a parasite, veins running dry both would soon die.
Maybe that is why; there was a choice to be made.
She had to live but he had to die.
Beware of things you cannot see when you are in a relationship with chemical ecstasy.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about addiction

View poet610's Full Portfolio