Disappointment

Spiral to the moon

the eyes are so beautiful... 

people abuse their lips too often.. 

ugly words.. distraught faces.

passing through dark voids.. 

black spaces.. 

footprints in cement..

writing in sand.. 

 

mistakes made, but by the time I realize..

it always seems just too late.

maybe we don't deserve a second chance..

sometimes I feel like that's all I need.

guess i'll have to deal.

 

in my mind, i've kneeled to you & cried.

in this heart, my yearning towards you will not subside so easily.

my soul is screaming..

there's a spirit looking down..

such disappointment,

destroying me.

 

false reality you try & pull her into..

worn limbs, shattered smiles, heavy eyes.

the pain is swelling..

so fake, you keep on, like a robot, with no cause...

fuck these man-made laws.

I don't need your restriction to enjoy myself.

these rules crash down, fallen stones on the ground..

 

I will blow away with the leaves, for I am not stablized as the trees.

some night, near or distant, I will fly up & greet the moon..

when I get there, i'll ask, "is it still too soon...?"

Secrets in the sand

knowing you the way I got to, helped me really appreciate the rain pouring down, & to look past the clouds.. 

I never felt one with the sand until you touched my hand.. even the fireworks weren't ever as breath-taking.. 

you to me, were like a piece of breathing earth, with eyes, & ears.. a heart.. but too many fears.. 

I can't say you have much more then me, though.. & it doesn't matter which one of us is less flawed..

 

I wish I could fly away to a paradise, somewhere i'll finally have all the closure I need... for everything..

I feel like I have to fight with myself everyday.. battle of self esteem, hopes, dreams, disappointments, needs.. 

I battle to stay awake, & I battle to fall asleep.. 

 

wherever did the peace go? whatever happened to the flow...

I got lost in the forest of my mind, trying to become free..

but more then a few of these deeply rooted trees have collapsed & fallen on top of me..

scratching at the dirt, gripping at the grass.. I can't breathe..

 

is love just as much baggage as hate..? because they both seem to feel equally heavy..

maybe inside i'm just overweight.. 

maybe that's what i've been seeing.. 

how can I work from the inside, out..? 

how can I prevent these ups & downs..? 

do you even know..? I didn't think so..

it's all up to me.

 

learn to appreciate the rain... even if it's drenching you in pain..

i'll always be your secret.. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2.27.13

Two Morning's Aftermath

Crazy Olivia
Drunk Olivia
Doesn’t Give a Fuck Olivia
Was he worth it, girl?

 

Woman, you may have just become
Woman, you probably were already
Woman, integrity compromised
Woman, sensibility synthesized
Man oh man, what has been done to you?

 

Who could posses the power to withdraw
What purity and innocence in their powers restore?
Where did that part go that formed a whole
When a moment left you distraught; you never needed more.

I don’t know everything, not a little bit
And that I didn’t know that draws a short, silent fit.
But fermentation diluted honor’s stamina in some swigs.
Weakened by the weekend and an anonymous pig. 

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Regrets

Folder: 
#Fractured

Remember when…

I used to be lively.
There were times when,
I did smile.
Loving freely,
Without reason or doubt,
But…
Look at me now.

I used to cry laughing,
No longer is there humor in tears.
If you saw me you’d only wonder,
What has happened to me over the years.

Now I hate furiously,
Without reason
Angry, spiteful
With the life I’ve been dealt
Bitter with the paths I have chosen
With no one left to blame…but myself.

-Agapáme

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Absent Flashes

There were no flashes in the shroud;
not of Turin, but of sound, and light,
and restless colors that weren't.
Though they could, they hadn't then,
and wouldn't for the evening, no matter
what we'd do to provoke them and their ire.
We spoke in idle, but idle things... Somehow would,
in spite of us, build a fanged momentum, and
occasionally bowl us over when we feigned
disinterest. They only fed on funny bits of
insight, or "insight", or relevance found
completely on the spot. And even still,
they'd be picky, they'd be prudish; they'd
be snide. Denied by time, our Father,
not a God but a thing, the only true king;
somehow absent of any mercy for you,
for me -- for anything, ever, anywhere.
So they strove to fascinate and leave;
bitter at the funny way of things,
the general disinterest of the world at large,
and the fact that they lacked the presence
to do anything more than luster in the air,
or frighten people in the passing dark.

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a tune

yes she was a warrior
and when the chips were down
she knew that she could not stay
in this little hopeless town ...

the life that she was promised
was a wicked lie
and trying as she could
didn't have the tears to cry ...

chased by a myth of better days
she ran as far as she could go
and only seeing a tunnel
knew that it was time for her to go ...

though it begged a loud goodbye
she left without a sound
she knew who she could really trust
when the worst came down ...

she gathered up herself together
she spent some time alone
and questioned if she'd ever
really felt she was at home ...

just another shattered life
or was this another chance to start,
an attempt - yet once again
to take back the pieces of her heart ...

and finding that the end of this
was really not the end
watching hills and miles go by
while a new song slowly begins ...

the music of a heart.

© Debbie Finlay

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Always

Patiently waiting,
Quietly hoping
For that one chance
To see something beautiful.
To hold it in my hands,
To know it's warmth,
To feel it's gentle embrace.
Never knowing
If it truly existed,
Always hoping it did.
A soft whisper,
A light,
A hint for me to follow.
Believing I Have found what I have been waiting for,
And then the crushing realization that I have been waiting
For Nothing.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I've always hated the feeling of being let down.
Comments/thoughts appreciated.

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Within the Bounders of Love

Folder: 
Free Flow

Stop saying you love me
And leaving me in the same breathe
Love is unconditional
Supposed to be filled with happiness
With cloudy minds together
We can form a clear understanding
Of what love is
How to make it last
How to learn to co-exist
Within the bounders of love

When you look at me
What do you see
You say my smile
Can light up any room
That my heart is pure
Because I serve a forgiving God
I come from a line of strong black women
You love my ambitious ways
Because they bring out the best in you

Yet you push passed me in a crowded room
Never looked at me twice
Introduced yourself to me,
By saying,
What up Bitch
Now tell me
Do you really think you love me
Just because your caught up
Within the bounders of love

The hourglass has run out
Sand dust has filled the room
The fog of your essences
Has blinded you mere presences
The sound of your laughter
Echoes through the trees
As I lay here
Restless in the grass
Making love to you

Blinded by the compulsions of lust
The way you caress my ass
Does you any justices
You see,
I can still hear those words
Whatz up Bitch
As you grind in me deeper and deeper
The reality of this shit is simple
It's not love your seeking
And never was

To Love me is to respect me
But you can seeking the Bitch in me
So now that you have met her
Please be advised
Im not up for your Shit
When we are done here
Just grab your clothes
And hit the door
There is no need to cuddle
Lay in bed and converse
Cause that shit leads me to thinking
You wanna go deeper
And we both know thats a lie
Damn I just saw you with your girl
Just the other night

So many people confuse
Love with Lust
But im not condfused one bit
I know just what you want
By the way you approached me
By the way you undressed me
By the way you tongue fucked me
With my clothes on

It's not a love thing
Strictly Lust
Yes i know i'm better in bed
Than she will ever be
But the same way i had to learn
To discover the freak in me
She deserves the same
If you're not willing to teach her
How can you say you truly lover her
Just the same
Within the bounders of love

(c) 2012 cassandra Evolutionsofpoetry covington

Life

Isn’t it funny?

How when you finally think that you have gotten ahead in life

You realize that you have only gotten through the beginning

Road block

After road block

After road block

There is no progress

For soon as you look ahead

Bam!!!

Another road block

You feel depressed and there is no help

So

Why do you even bother?

I’ll tell you why, it is because we are human and the assumption of accomplishment runs deep

For one never knows what they can accomplish unless one try’s

BULLSHIT!!!

Life is hard and the more you put into it the more disappointment will follow and there is no point of return, no sense of so called self accomplishment or shame.

There is only self pity and pride

Pity for yourself as you grow old and only accomplish the American dream of working to death

Pride is the only thing that can make you or break you

In the end

That same pride is what held you back in the first place and caused your untimely demise.

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