real

Captivity

Stuck with your soul that's lost. 

It's gone forever.

It sucks mine in everytime.

You can't have mine I abolish it.

You devour what I am.

You steal what's inside of me

until I am dead. You take it all.

I can't have a fucking drop.

No one can. So how will you live now?

How will you go on?

Who's soul will you take captive?

You survive off the pain and hurt you inflict.

You watch it before you.

What you have created.

And you want more...

You take awe in what you've created.

You know what you will make next with your deceit.

But tell me now, when you know I love you.

And you take everything I was.

But I kept that drop.

You couldn't fucking suck because you were so goddamn lustful.

That drop is mine and I will always have it.

Because you didn't fucking kill me.

Im alive and you're dead because you're lost without me and your precious drop.

You will watch.

I warned you.

You picked your pills.

Have another.

So tell me now what the fuck do you have?

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For You

Folder: 
2013

I have heard so many

Love songs

That say what I think

 

But this ones for you

Just like my my mind

My soul, and my body

 

All of its yours simply

Because you have my heart

And you have had it

 

Since we really started talking

I know I have said it many

Many times in the past

 

But this times for real

I love you Chad

With every piece of my broken heart

 

~Chrystal

Written on

 

October 17, 2013

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I felt it, he walked over it and hurt me.

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Bound

Bound by the cities

Bound by another one's pity's

Expect a place to be

Or expect not want to be seen

 

And I'll take you as walking money

I see you as a pretty big funny

We and I, all have found our place

And you my dear, have barely found a face

Bound to me, and to my briefcase

I'll lend you a smile, but you're a secret disgrace

 

Find the comfort in another's eyes

But in reality, another girl will have them hooked on their clever disguise

Find a place to be

Or expect not want to be seen

 

Stuck in a rut

With no qualities, not knowing what

Who are you and what are you in this city?

Gone and withdrawn, alone and all shitty?

Expect a place to see

Or expect us to be mean

 

For you are bound

What goes around, comes around

You are stuck here, forever with me

With no voice, or founding plea

 

For you are bound

My slave, to paint my sacred ground

facebook friend

 

..........


(^^image from mashable.com^^)


the only definition

that seems fittingly so,

is that a 'facebook friend'

could be anyone...

you simply do not know,

the 'unknown zone'

may be the place they

call home,

it's somewhere 'out there',

not here, and not gone.


so dear facebook friend,

with communication

so penned,

wherever you are,

i cannot say,

but you've been 

a dear friend,

forever and a day,

you are always there

with you cute

profile picture,

smiling as we chatter,

through the strains

of life's strictures,

i never met you,

and yet blindly, 

we converse,

about everything online, 

in fact, all in the universe,

you're there when

it's raining,

and even in the snow,

carved in digital 

realities, which

little of I know,

but now the time has come

for me to clean up 

this list, and i fear 

i must delete you,

oh, please don't 

be pissed!

exactly you're 

mission, i dont 

have clue, but 

believe me my dear,

our friendship's 

like glue,

on my page you

are hidden, 

so you won't notice

you're not there,

til your next quip

or comment,

attempted to share.


we never exchanged 

phone calls, or

met for a beer,

but my inbox is open

so you can email

all year, 

you live miles away,

but believe me 

of this,

you're as close 

as you were ever,

even though we 

n'er kissed,

if there's one 

thing to learn

from this digital void,

is that social networking's 

for fun, an accessory,

to be enjoyed,

because although

we are spirit,

this life is so,

so much more,

our friendship conceived

through this virtual birth,

but truly my friend,

our names on a list

does not show

our true worth.



 

3:04 PM 8/11/2013 ©


...........

Author's Notes/Comments: 

What exactly is a 'facebook friend'? If you have never met the person, it is a friendship without a person. It is a name on a list. Oh, come on....we ar better than that!! ...hehe.... 

Real Life

She was a military woman, a depraved childhood,
Hidden in the closets of her parent's small apartment,
Most of the day feeling ashamed,
Escaping into fantasy, was all she understood,
Grandma brought her fresh flowers from work when she could.

 

In the fall one year her father lost his job,
And mom became depressed and did little but sob,
At the age of 18, with nowhere to turn,
She joined the military thinking a trade she might learn.

 

The things she witnessed were nothing she expected,
Leaving her torn, dented, and disenchanted,
The raping of her soul by the men of honor were often,
Once again tormented, only a role to play, 'the soldier in action'.

 

Then her prince came to her rescue, and marry she did,
Before the bullet to his brain left her lonely, him dead,
Four small children lost their father that day,
How would she support them, or even make her own way?

Losing her wits she donned grandma's example,
She buried the casket alone, as the whiskey was ample,
She would face this head on, and carry the weight,
Of the childhood shame, isolation, and rapes.

 

Everyday in her struggle, she now fought a new war,
Her friends with benefits from her nights at the bar,
Her need for self honesty grew bigger each day,
And slowly but surely, her patience gave way.

 

It had now been only 2 months she buried her man,
The pain took control and our new life began,
She came home one day and the liquor took hold,
All the pain from a life's burdens began to unfold.

 

Her baby said, "Mama, can you read me this book?"
She lost all awareness, and gave her a look,
Her inadequate nature is all that it took,
She lost all control and her body shook,
The fairytale story flew into the wall,
The baby was shaken against the whitewall,
Again and again and again and again,
Blood spurting all over the rug, wall, and den,
Now this tragedy's taken control of us all.

 

It's been 20 long years since I've spoken to mother,
My days fill with diapering a 30 year old child,
The brain damage baby sustained in the event,
Will never change how my mom's fairytale went,
My other two siblings do well for this life,
We've been dished out reality...slice by slice,
One thing we all learned about handling stress,
Is that whiskey sure makes it much worse of a mess,
Now, on my way home from work I pick flowers,
I sing songs to baby and take up our hours,
With all that's befallen our lives from that day,
I've placed fairytales in their place, and that's where they will stay.

 

 

3:48 PM 5/9/2013

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of many stories about how tragedy happens in many families born into poverty.

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Dying Species (from the inside, out)

Folder: 
human beings

The smile that bursts through the clouds of pain,
Is the smile from a place of strength,
Unknown to men who have become weak,
Caudled by the world of fantasy,
It bubbles up from his well within
Like an an earthquake,
It tells the world there is something more important,
Something we need to attend to,
And something far greater than the inconveniences
That life can often dish out in it's merciless ways,
And yet, when we see the smile,

We do not recognise this,
We cannot rejoice,
We cannot appreciate,
We cannot love,
Our instinct most often sought is judgement,
Then envy.

 

 

Sad...isn't it?

 

 

 

 

8:17 PM 5/1/2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Strength. Insight. Self. Connection to others.

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Dying Religions

These fairytales of life we buy like shattered bits of humble pie,
They convolute and twist our minds far into a world where the true dream is denied,
We hold them high above what's real,
The wheel of life and what we feel gets wasted
In the dream beyond the chasms we create...far from love, and it's chasteness.
The dream is now, the only one, the stories we weaved,
Withered and dying in the gutters of the fold,
The time arrives for every man to unravel his mess within,
And let go the fairytales of old,

...allow this future to unfold.

 

7:59 PM 4/20/2013 ©

 

 

http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/nhl.html

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Transformations and new worlds come to be only through the acknowledgements of many hands joined. Religions are not working in the world because the focus has not been on the religion, but on the power the religions can have. Just a poem.

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Wild Ride

For young boys whose attempts to fornicate get a "no",
It could be wise to demand she live up to her word,
For you grow in a world too excessively mired,
By the use of words tainted through the educations
We grown ups have inspired,
A "no" from a girl any age can mean lust,
Or a lifetime of labels it can easily cost,
Even if she proclaims it was not what she meant,
Know her words will mean little to the judge,
There will be no one to blame but yourself,
And your name cursed for life, holding the grudge,
Abuse can be real and believe that it's wrong,
But the meaning it seems can be twisted,
Be discerning about this, and weigh every word,
Please don't let yourself be that easily black-listed,
Even marriage won't guarrantee you won't get a dingbat,
Our society's become quite a sham,
Don't be rushed into things you're not sure of,
As the woman has taken the wheel, I'm not lying, this is real,
The world's changing...as fast as it can.

 

 

6:17 PM 4/17/2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A word about abuse.

Lost life

I knew this was coming

I’ve seen it in your eyes

Your death was coming

You’ve given up the fight

I’ve cried my tears of sorrow

I’ve said my last goodbyes

My hopes and dreams

Aren’t meant to be

I’ve lost my desire to believe

You’re gone now

Life won’t ever be the same

Our hearts are breaking

We don’t know peace

Everyone’s together now

We’ve kept each other strong

These months are going to last too long

The world is cold

The ground, so hard

I just want everything to thaw

Yellow roses blooming in the air

We still wish that you were here

Our prayers fall on deaf ears

Your face so cold

Your eyes so distant

I can’t just make believe your existence

The pain so strong

The grief so long

I just want you back in our arms

Your mother, her daughter

Crying on your casket

Wanting to know why this could happen

Your daughters, their mother

Barely holding it together

Breaking down in the face of disaster

Your babies, they cry

Even though we said goodbye

You’re in the ground

So cold it is

Never to see you face again

We sit here remembering

The good and the bad

Sometimes it just makes us more sad

Our hearts are broken

We love you so much

The world just didn’t understand that

And took you from us

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My grandma died from cancer and after us all taking care of her for so long, it's hard to recover from the loss. I've been writing to cope.