wondering

Until Next Time

Folder: 
Poems.

l walked down the street, consumed by my music,

On my lonesome I was, but quite happy with it.

 

I ended up in a park, planning to walk the trails,

A satisfying activity that never seems to fail.

 

Winding through the woods, meeting wilderness,

when my feet began sinking into the earth, what a mess.

 

As my feet became increasingly more wet with every step,

I turned around disappointed, that me and nature barely met.

 

I accepted their offer to come rescue me,

Though the wind felt nice blowing through my being.

 

Metophors come to mind as I waited for my friend to show,

Still swinging, content, a tree I am suspended below.

 

I found that I was bummed when they arrived,

What a beautiful view, the sky and I had gotten aquainted.

 

Until next time.

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I wonder

I often wonder…

Where I’ll end up

If I’ll have enough

If I’ll find my soul mate

If I’ll make it to the pearly gates

If I’ll die alone with tons of cats

If I’ll burn in hell, with a bunch of rats

If I’ll just die and stay dead

If I’ll die and live, like the book said

If I have any real friends

If they’re all the same, with dead ends

If life had to be such a pain in the neck

If I have a screw loose up in my head

If the voices in my head will ever go away

If the mother will ever think I’m okay

If she’ll ever treat me the way she treats them

 If my life will ever actually begin

Author's Notes/Comments: 

it's like i can never stop thinking of "if's"

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Really? Me?

Honestly, I really cant imagine a situation where someone could be falling for me.
There's just nothing signifiant about me, 
I can't see someone thinking of me as they lie in bed,
Causing butterflies to churn in their stomach for as long as the thoughts of me remain in their head 
I can't see a girls face blush to red,  
All because of something sweet I may have said.
I can't see how I could make a girl smile as she reads over my texts late at night,
Or why just seeing me could make her heart feel tight,
just why someone would fall for a guy who's face looks like he just got out of a fight.
I mean, in hindsight, Why would anyone even want too?

I know the odds of any of this being true are entirely against me,
...But a guy can dream, right?
 
- The Truth
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just jotted this down on a napking earlier today. I still dont feel it's finished though. let me know what you think.

Faith

Folder: 
2011

You took a careful man’s
careless daughter and made her
want to have a husband
and to have his kids.
Not look back at her

mistakes and flaws. Just
because you have always known
them and you know I wont make
them again. Because with you I’ve
flown so high. I’ve always known

that somewhere out there
there was a guy for me.
It’s just too bad I didn’t
look right in front of me.
but I am now, you know what I see?

I see the man who has always
been mine but never had the courage to
admit what he felt for me.
Now I know and am holding
tight. But now am I holding to

damned tight? Or do you
want me to hold this tight?
Well all I know is what it
does feel so damned right.
It just feels so god damned right.

I love you and that’s all
I really know. I just need
you here with me. Right here.
Can’t you see that I’m drowning?
In all this blood, I do bleed,

Every second since we talked last
And I just know that I am drowning fast
In the blood and tears and shame
I have been feeling, but that all because
I haven’t talked to you. I know it wont last

but that wont keep me from feeling
just like I am. Just like this,
because I know this is how
I’m gonna feel until you get
here in my arms, then it will be bliss.

~Chrystal
Written on
April 12, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written to Brian Marshall. I know I took his name like I said I never would but hes got me so damn wrapped up in him that it just feels right. The idea and part of the poem came from a song by Taylor Swift. But she actually says in the song, "You took a carless mans carful daughter."

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My Thoughts

Folder: 
2011

I know I have never believed
In a heavenly being
But you've got me to think
In things I couldn't be seeing

While I still don't believe
In god I think that angels must fly
Because of you, and what you've done
And that is the whole reason why

I think you are one
Because after expressing your
Want to be with me
You turned around an told me of your

Wish for him to contact me
And that just set me aback
You couldn't have known that I sent
A letter to him hoping for one back

But I told you as much
And you said I hope
That he writes you back
So I told you I felt like a dope

For believing and you told me
That you hope he writes me back
If he doesn't want to be with me
He should cut me some slack

But in my heart of hearts
I know that he does care
And that nothing could be problematic
And I don't see a snare

That would be happening in our
Relationship but maybe that my wish
That he does love me, and its true
But I can't help but to have a slight niche

In my thinking that I cant help but
To think that maybe he's letting me
Down slowly even though I know
He is true to me and I can see

~Chrystal
Written on
April 11, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was writen about a truely good friend, Gene Conner. How I was getting to the point of letting my guy go, and he pulled me back in by telling me what he feels and then telling me to move forward with the other guy. Thank you Gene.

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Not sure just felt like it

Folder: 
just notes*

Sittin thinkin about today n the fact that u didnt call breaks my heart.
Sittin thinkin about how yesterday i didnt call kills me inside.
Sittin thinkin about tomorrow how no one will take a chance lets me knw we should just give up.
Sittin here thinkin about nothin makes me wonder y am i writing this?
Im tired drained thats just it...another sleepless night another wasted sheet on misery.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

5-24-10

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tags:

FOREVER WONDERING--FRAGUE STEHEN-----GERMAN

In der stille
der nacht
thr gesicht
austratt.

Eine silhouette
fur immer
eindringlichen meine
traumen.

was meine
geist
wunder

 

ENGLISH

In the silence
of the night
your face
emerges.

A sihouette
forever haunting
my dreams.

Causing my
mind to wonder.

(c) copyright heather burns

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Eine silhouette
fur immer
eindringlichen meine
traumen.

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tags:

FOREVER WONDERING -- PREGUNTANDO POR SIEMPRE----SPANISH

En el silencio
e la noche

su cara
emege.

Una siluera
siempre inquietanta
mis suenos.

haciendo que smi
mente para pensar.

 

ENGLISH

In the silence
of the night
your face
emerges.

A silhouette
forever
haunting my
dreams.

Causing my
mind to wonder.

(c) copyright heather burns

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Una silueta siempre inquietante mis suenos.

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tags:

Coming Round

Folder: 
2005

Wandering for too long

I just want to rest

Sleep away the pain

Get back to my best

 

I loved myself

And I want to again

Never knowing why

I became somebody I never shoulda been

 

I want to be me

And I want to be free

To be who I am

 And let the world see…me

 

~Chrystal

Written on

October 10, 2005

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this in an attempt to become myself again. I never realized that I wouldnt become that person for another five years.

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