Fear

*A Silent Cry*

 

 October.30.2000 6-6:40pm

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

It's a tear drop no one can hear

A cry so silent only she can feel

This pain is getting stronger

This is what she feared

But now if anyone tried It's too deep to heal

She doesn't have the strength to go on any longer 

 

It's a silent cry

No one must find out about the pain in her heart

That sooner or later she knows she'll die

No one wants to know she's falling apart

 

She knows no one will for her care

So she lets the tear fall

And sits on the bed to stare

At the blank painted wall

Thinking to herself "This isn't fair."

 

Thinking and wondering if anyone would notice

If she was gone

If she disappears

Trying to figure out where she belongs

Wondering then would anyone hear her tears

 

Or would for every a silent cry be by her side

Would it be there forever

All she can do is sit in her room and hide

Not a person who shows they want her to stay

Or with her they want to be together 

Or to let people see 

To share their life with her another day

And to show that she can set the silent cry free

 

She wants to let this silent cry go away

To not have to worry 

If she'll live for another day

To everyone she doesn't want to be the main story

 

Copyright

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*End Of Time*

 

 November.30.2000

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

It's almost here

End of time

A drop of a tear

A drop of a dime 

The sudden fear

Of losing your mind

Knowing the light is near

It's nothing from man kind

 

All you know

That's the direction you stear

The pain you have you try to show

But no one is taking notice

Not even trying to care

They would be happy to see you go

It's not really fair

 

The hate from people you know

Yep it's almost the end of the line

We're either God or the devil

Who takes your soul

And people always thought you were fine 

They didn't look deep enough

But yet it is your most challening goal

You even thought you were tough

You haven't figured out yet

But it all changed when you two met

 

For God to take away

From his horrible sight

You don't want to take another day

You don't want to take on your tears

You don't want to fight 

Or face your fears

But in all of this 

When someone asks what's wrong

The answers are at miss

And you have nothing to say

You have no reason to live 

You realize you're not strong

 

You don't want any more tasks

To try to take on all by yourself

You need someone to help you

The end of time is near

Someone you need

One that will stick by your side

A love to feed

Someone that's true

Someone who won't hide 

 

Their feelings

Their happiness

Their meaning of life

Their heart

Their love

You need it all

To pick you up when you fall apart

To tell you you're elegant

And beautiful as before 

As pure as a dove 

 

Please wipe the sadness

That lurks in your eyes

You don't want that anymore

The madness

That stops you from having blue skies

You try your hardest to ignore

But that in a million years

Will never happen your soul begins to die 

By the end of time 

 

I will be weak

To have any love to send

Or any power to seek

The power to mend

That special love

That special friend

My luck has run out 

Because I never had none

I feel so trapped 

To scream too much it hurts like a ton

IT's so disturbing I can't even dream

I've tried so hard but they have won

 

I've given up and tried to stick with it 

But only for awhile

That never lasts

It goes out of style

And once again

I relive my past

When will it all end

 

My heartaches

Tears that run like a river 

This pain never gives me a break

How do I survive

I then get sick and start to shiver

And this depression is so thick

I no longer feel alive

 

The end of time is so close to me 

I'm dying inside

I just want to be free

I no longer want to hide

 

Copyright

*The Fight (2)*

 

 October.15.2004

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

I wish I was stronger

But no matter how hard I try

My wishlist not to igsist just gets longer

More and more I'm left alone to cry

In the late hours of the night 

 

Deep inside no one sees the pain

That I try so hard to fight

The only way to go on is to fill my eyes

With these salty tears

But all I really gain

A blurred vision when I look to the light

 

Can God not see

I'm so tired and sick of feeling so alone

I guess not because he just lets me be 

And eachday my heart becomes more hollow inside

It becomes all stone

 

This path of pain I am meant to follow 

From it I can not hide

And deeper I go into this evil shadow

Because no man shows they care

I just do not want to feel anymore

I have no strength to fight

The demons that drag me to the floor 

The pain and hurt inside my heart

They try to store 

 

It's trying so hard to make me die

And some days I wish I would 

I no longer want to try

Yes I know I still should 

But everyday a piece of me disappears

And is gone forever 

I try to scream out"help" to someone 

But it seems like no one hears

And the light is fading from the sun

This evil has put a spell on peoples ears

 

No one hears my helping plea

This evil has made people blind

So no one can see me 

Try to fight as I try to find 

A way to stop these wounds

So they no longer bleed

But the evil trys so hard

To make me fail

On my pain he loves to feed

I am becoming too weak to go on 

But no one will help with the fight 

So I should just give up and die 

Just disappear fade out sight

As I sit alone and powerless as I cry

 

As my soul drifts away

From my body it once knew

No longer fighting another day

My days are bitter darkness

No longer a happy clear blue sky

My lifes such a mess

 

I gave up I try no longer to live

This evil my soul I give

I just sit here in emptiness

I wait to die

I sit and watch my life pass me 

As I hear my last word spoken

It's loud and clear

I'm not in any fear

I'm fine as I can be 

To say my good-bye

The evil keeps my pain as a token

The tear I cry

My heart is so broken

And I no longer know the word

Or the meaning of the fight 

I don't even try

To keep my soul in my sight

 

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The Skin We Wear

Folder: 
Just a thought!

Who's to say why we wear fake skin,

Is it pain from the past, is it something within?

What has engaged us to falsely pretend,

Are we always afraid, is our skin just too thin?

We hide behind walls to keep us secluded,

From past complications our fears have eluded.

Someday all the shadows will come to an end...

And a brighter tomorrow will bring us new skin.


   by Barry Anderson

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"The Skin We Wear"

insumed *

Aniexty wracks my mind 

Organising truths into what ifs 

And painful absolutes.

Youre here and so am i.

So are they.

Love shits on us in most unlikeliest ways

The clean up and cover up 

The unmistakeable mess

The road to hell paved with good intentions 

The racks of panic in my brain hoisted high

Screaming the destination over and over again.

I realise painfully im just as sick as you

Uncomfortable madness 

Un winnable compulsions 

Damped down crushing my soul further into dark

Only finding it a comfort because

its closer to where you live

The same moon and stars hover around us 

And i just keep trying to join the dots around you

Dancing our dance our patient impatience 

Wondering as much as scheming the possibilities 

Of letting the sweet hands of fate ruin us 

With its deathly beauty.

 

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Fear is quite real! 2015

Fear is quite real 2015

 

fear is quite real it's something you hate

it might be as simple as forgetting a date

some will never know the problem fear will make

like a dream that you feel you'll never awake

it could be as severe as being in a large crowd

all the people are screaming and being quite loud

some will not seem to be fearfull at all

they will act really happy like there having a ball

but look really close and maybe you'll see

a very small gesture like there hands on there knee

the next time you laugh at them just think how you'd feal

and then you will know that fear is quite real!

 

 

Zoeycup16

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this because i have agoraphobia a fear of going into places where there are lots of people and especialy men, i cant go out with out someone going with me

and a lot of time people woulld stop and stair and it makes me uncomfortable so i thought i would write a poem about it to educate people on fear !!!

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tags:

*Thinking Of You*

March-12-2005 
Trisha M. Barrek Hopkins

While i am thinking of you 
I sit here and wonder why 
Why has God sent you back to me 
Why has he let you let my feelings fly 
Why has he let my fear free 
Then out of no where all over again makes me cry 
Because he, God has took you from me 
Without your love all straight i cant see 
It seriously feels like my soul will die 
If i cant have you like it use to be 
But all i get in return 
Is your sweet voice on the phone on the other end 
Instead of your love that inside me still burns

When you put your sweet lips on mine 
To kiss me like you do 
When I'm in my bed all alone 
I try to put a picture in my head of you 
As i try to remember when we were as one 
And i try to recall the last time when i my heart wasn't stone 
I try to remember the fun 
And even though your not here with me 
The pain within hurts like hell 
Because I'm still in love with you 
This i have always to you tried to tell 
That my love for you is so damn true 
But when i get the nerve to say what i want 
My words don't come out well 
So the words in my mind to me begin to haunt

The burning passion is too deep in my heart 
To go on without your presence 
Its too hard to have the memory part 
From my mind of innocence 
Baby don't you understand 
I've loved you the very first day 
From the very start 
I want you to sill be my man 
But there's nothing to say 
Because you're really not here 
So i just sit to clear my mind once again 
And i tell myself for the 100th time its not fair 
This is just a dream all pretend

Instead of crying out of control i just stare 
There's even no reason to count to ten 
But still all over again i begin to imagine 
You're here by my side telling me you truly care 
Telling me for us how there is so much passion 
And kissing me so gently like you do 
I'm wishing this life we can share 
Then i wake up and snap out of my daydream 
And just sit on the edge of the bed 
Baby i don't want to 
But i try to clear you from my head 
Because that's the only way i wont go insane 
I try to erase to me every word you said 
But my memory always wants to play this hurtful game 
Of making your memory of you remain

Making me forever have you in my mind 
Forcing me to remember the past 
And having my heart trying to find 
A way to make everything last 
No matter how hard i try 
I'm always still thinking of us 
And because i cant truly have you 
My heart starts to cry 
Because sweety even though we cant be 
I will always have you remain with me 
You will always have a place in my heart 
And now i know from me you'll never part 
I've come to believe 
We are and always will be one 
From my mind heart and soul you'll never leave

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*Heartless*

November-5-1997 
Trisha M. Barrek Hopkins

Deep in my soul 
It is all empty 
Never reaching my goal 
There is no beat in me 
My heart has fallen apart 
Knowing no one really cared 
Knowing from the start 
To get to know me no one dared 
I mid as well become heartless 
Get rid of my tears 
Want to change my inner mess 
All i got are my fears 
Trying to tell someone that im depressed 
Its useless no one cares 
Feeling all the pain 
Wanting to disappear 
Showing that i care isn't a game 
All i want is someone to hold to be near

All i do at night is cry 
My love i want to share 
But i rather just die 
With me no one wants to start that flare 
Wanting to lay by the fire 
Holding and loving someone is the desire 
Wishing someone would look my way 
Wishing they would stare 
I love you is what i wish they would say 
Heartless i am 
You care too much people say 
All i want to be is your precious jem 
Wishing i am strong enough to see the next day 
Im sick of feeling hurt 
You are beautiful I've been told 
I've always known that from the start 
But no one ever sees the tears on my shirt 
But all i want is someone to hold 
But all i get is a heart torn apart

Close your eyes and dream 
And you can be with me 
Love me with all your heart 
Let our hearts be free 
Stick together lets not fall apart 
Inside builds up all this stress 
Feeling all alone and afraid 
I don't want to be heartless 
All inside the pain is made 
One day i will be dead 
Because of a broken heart 
No on believed on what i said 
No one can put the pieces back from being apart 
Im all alone 
All by myself 
My heart has turned to stone 
Put me back on the shelf

Where i belong 
For everyone to walk by 
It wont be long 
Before my soul will die 
The tear falling from my eyes 
No one wants to pick me 
Why cant i have bluer skies 
The hurt building inside why cant people see 
Is everyone as heartless as me 
All alone and blue 
Why cant the hurt set me free 
On how much i really hurt i guess no one knew 
So i remain as i be 
Stuck with this painful mess 
No one will ever see 
That i will always remain heartless

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adulthold

Afraid to stay not ready to move
I fear this next chapter may be doomed
A great big step is in my path
Modivation I seem to lack
I'm in a place where I'm at ease
But the unknown is teasing me 
A gust of wind a booming voice
Pushes me towards this void
But I run away not ready to go
For a fear this great unknown
Afraid of what I may lose
I don't know what I shouldn't do
Expectations running high
Tears cloud these sky blue eyes
Wishing that you understood
The fear I find in adult hood

Author's Notes/Comments: 

wrote this in 2013

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