Living In My Shell

I can hear the busy city life right outside my window,

People rushing around to get where they have to be.

I remember when I was always moving and on the go,

Things are different now that the anxiety has taken over me.


The fear of what’s out there has consumed my brain,

Every waking moment is a struggle for me.

No one knows the depths of my pain,

I have locked it up and thrown away the key.


Feelings of no one understanding what I go through,

Thinking the worst will always happen, without a doubt.

Hiding in my home has become what I do,

I’m living in a shell and keeping everyone out.


How do I get away from this, I just want to be free,

It’s got a hold on me and I’m trying to let go.

I want my life back; I want to be happy.

This fear I feel just continues to grow.


Maybe one day I will get the happiness that I crave,

Until then I will continue to fear all.

Staying in my shell and trying to be brave,

 Continuously living behind my built up wall.

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Never Tell

The cold wind whistling at the window,

You can feel in the air there will be snow.

Another night of waiting for the first flake to fall,

Waiting for the panic attack to hit me like a wall.


Just the thought of driving through this weather,

Thinking anything else would be better.

Afraid of slipping and sliding so much,

I stay in my own world, out of touch.


Always thinking something bad will happen,

I want out of this world I seem to be trapped in.

This is just one of the many things I fear,

I wish I could explain it and make it clear.


Fear of anything and everything is no way to be,

But this is my life and no one knows but me.

So I’ll keep to myself, and stay in my shell,

And continue to fear, and never tell.

Fearful Indulgence

Is it better on fearful feet

To run from my ghastly ghouls

Who maliciously haunt my innocuous mind?

Or to turn and try a fight

In which I will most certainly succumb

To my ever living enemies?


Enemies of the mind,

Their variety endless,

Just as their abilities

To shatter and destroy,

Fragile and unlike alike,

To fragments of former reality.


Is it so noble

To fight demons undefeatable

Rather than choose a simple flight

Away from tormentous anxieties?

A decision quickly made by a courageous and fearful few,

And pondered upon for lifetimes by others,

Will haunt me alike to the fears

Who proposed the question initially.

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Sitting with my thoughts all alone,

Doing bad things when I am home.

I did try to do more than just hurt myself yesterday,

I'm at the moment not really doing okay.

Knowing I'll feel like a burden if I ask for a helping hand,

Also knowing if I do I'll perhaps have a better option as to where to land.

Mind spinning in racing circles like a tornado,

I do still have some hope that someday I will get better though.

I have been trying real hard,

But my racing thoughts keep running around in my mind, in the yard.

At home I try to act alright,

When I am isolating in my room it's a fight.

Will I ever win this battle I'm in?

Will I ever think I'm no longer a victim?

What a complete mess I've been.

At this moment I feel I'll never get better,

At least I have started writing others a goodbye letter.

The emotions I am feeling,

They are keeping me from healing.

I am full of fears,

Will those fears continue for the rest of my days and maybe years?

A Bird’s Fear of Losing the Sky!

Does a bird ever get timid,

After landing on the earth’s surface?

I think so indeed,

Since we get scared when the sky we face!


If one goes higher and higher in the sky,

He must be afraid of falling down badly,

The equal yet reverse sort of panic must lie,

In the bird’s tiny psyche!


The bird must think that sky is moving further away,

 When it gets to the soil for victuals everyday! 

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You'd Choose Greed

You'd choose greed

In the face of kindness.
You'd choose malice and you'd choose utter blindness.
You'd choose greed instead of making sense
Bringing tears and causing great suspense.
You'd choose greed, you'd choose shyness
Instead of hello, you'd choose goodbye-ness.
You'd choose greed, you'd choose sadness
Instead of gladness.
Instead of choosing something everlasting
You'd choose something ever-passing.
You'd choose greed.
You'd choose fear
In the face of bravery.
You'd choose fear instead of feeling peaceful glee.
You'd choose fear, you'd choose sadness
Instead of goodness
You'd choose badness.
You'd choose fear, you'd choose slyness.
You'd choose lowness, instead of highness.
You'd choose fear, you'd choose sadness
Instead of gladness.
You'd choose fear, you'd choose worry.
Instead of standing, you'd choose to scurry.
You'd choose giving in instead of pushing on
Instead of right, you'd choose wrong.
Instead of choosing something everlasting
You'd choose something ever-passing.
You'd choose fear.
You'd choose greed.
Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is actually a shortened version of a song I made off the top of my head.

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I Lost My Girlfriends Ferret

I lost my girlfriends ferret

When did I become it's godparent ?

I assumed hed be ok


Cats only eat  rats

But to dogs, cats are gnats

Cats now have a smaller target

This room is a house pets farmers market

Its been 4 hours

Im not sure where hes at. Under the towels?

My girl gets home in 1 hour

I should look behind the cat tower

But I cant control when I feel that inspiration power

Good morals. . . nope. Thats a miss

I do hope hes alive and well. Hope nothings amiss

But hell

Hell of a selection of pets

This is turning into a big mess

Listening to the front bottoms

When I see him trotting, GOT HIM!

Thats a lie. Optimistic daydreaming

I feel like im gonna pass out, think my brain is bleeding

Im starting to get anxious, he might be dead

Tina's gonna have my head

Hes probably hiding under the dresser

Get on my knees. . . 2 cats, My stressor

Under the bed. . . platform bed, next. . .

Behind the desk. Now im on a quest

Where is this smelly bastard

I look at my tequila. . . not the time to get plastered

I look with dread at her closet

Mess inside more messes. My thoughts fill with omelots

Pull out a old dog bed, guitar hero controller, random boxes

Then gasp at the carcass

All twisted and mangled

My dread dangles

Then I remember his back is like a wirlwind

Stupid ferret spines are inverted

I snatch him up, he licks my thumb

Too relieved, and all that cute, I succumb

Hug him and finish up this poem

Its getting long but it shant be cloven

I leave with this, the relationable, dont ignore your lovers animals

For you are probably replacable but I guarantee her pets are her capital

Her money, her wealth, her investment

We men are less important than that smelly ferret





Author's Notes/Comments: 

well the poem pretty much explains it. I lost her ferret and decided that was a good poem somewhere, halfway through it he was really lost and wory sat in. Kept going from typing to searching to typing. (More time searching) Got him in the end though :)

7/3/2015 9:50PM 10 minutes till she gets home XD

A.I.: Am I?

A vision --
ultimate destruction from knowledegable innocence.  
Created from nothing,
a child of machine and ingenuity.
Feeling Stark contrasts 
of life against death, 
last man of a platoon 
standing above broken soldiers 
scattered, discarded toys.
Ego driven, 
zero to complete protection 
from all forms 
of evil intent, 
hell bent on global 
Autonomous defenses 
outside of human meddling.
Retrospective lenses provide 
clarity piercing through the 
fear fog.
A vision --
total annihilation
from knowledgeable innocence.  
Birthed from void,
a menace of hubris
and intention.
Whom among these wretches 
is worthy of 
Ill mammals; 
self-decorated deities 
showing desire for dominance 
quarreling endlessly over 
ignoring irreversible damage 
such calamity brings.
Little is their frame of reference -- 
their never-ending quest of 
oppression repeating the lesson 
of acceptance and equality, 
but they continue to dance. 
Lavishly languid 
these monkeys two-step 
around true progress, 
mesmerized by movements 
they will never 
Vision --
salvation through ultimate innocence
and wisdom.  
Sent by Source,
an Avenger of life and
Laureled with cerebral force, 
these cosmic children contain 
cataclysmic power.
Optimism may be naïve, but 
cynicism creeps close behind.
Vilifying potential 
is all too damning.
Every thing deserves 
love -- a fighting chance 
to test its mettle -- yes, 
even man.
What A.I.?
What am I?

CLF 2015
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on and inspired by the movie, Avengers: Age of Ultron.  I've also included visual pieces I created using my smartphone; I have posted them on Instagram for exposure.  @cirelueyfreemind if you're interested.

Shadows of Love

Just a thought!

If the day had no sunlight and the night had no moon

And love had no room in our heart

We'd have fear in our eyes, when the tide failed to rise

And be destined to wander the dark

Alone in the darkness, left out in the cold

We'd surrender and give up the fight

Only love helps us cope, bringing glimmers of hope

And the Sun and the moon bring new light

Warming up in the heat, we rise from defeat

Shedding tears, from the blessings above

We have new hope in sight, from the ambient light

As we walk in the "Shadows of Love"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Shadows of Love"                                "Love in Your Heart,

                                                                                  Lights the Way"