Fear

She Told Me

She told me that she didn't know

anymore what I thought we knew. 

She told me she was thinking still

of where to go and what to do.

 

She told me that she loved me still

yet she thought it best she go.

She told me that she always would

but in her eyes it didn't show. 

 

She left, and there I stood alone

as she swore I'd never be.

She left, and there I stood alone,

lost at home with her memory. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is based on a conversation had on Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend of this year. It is raw and painful and I don't know what to do.

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Followed for the last couple of days

Something has been following me for the last couple of days,

I feel it with every breath I take.

A deep whisper,

That’s friends with the snake,

Trying to wipe my soul blank.

It’s a magnet,

Trying to keep me stagnant,

But I’m not in a blind state,

So I will not suffer that fate.

Watch all you want,

But I refuse to be afraid.

Don’t bother with your crusade,

I will not be so easily led astray. 

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tags:

Scattered Thoughts (I Struggle to Understand)

I Struggle to Understand

 

A mistaken event, but possibly the truth;

Which suspends the future in the unknown.

The transpiration results in alteration,

Of the one known path to be followed.

 

One cannot take back the so-called sins.

But remorse is not easily found in the heart, nor the soul.

Not even the mind can comprehend,

What lay in store for the confused.

 

A faithful night the words formed,

To possibly bring some solace, some freedom.

Yet there seems to be a pit of darkness,

That there seems to be no escape.

 

It is not to say that life is dangerous,

But to remark that mistakes are made.

For the person who decides fate

Is the one least likely to know.

 

What can be conveyed by physical means

Cannot be enough to spare life plans.

Previous visions dashed on a simple event,

One which causes the previous confusion.

 

What is regret and what is hate?

What is the thing so sought after?

An unspoiled poise so nearly attained

That shatters like so?

 

I do not speak mysteriously for a purpose,

Other than to maybe free myself.

But I know this must be lived with,

Regardless of my hopeful fears.

 

I cannot fathom what is beyond,

That is beyond the present.

I only see what lay ahead,

A road now rocky with misperception.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

To those who stumble across this: I ask only for prayers. I am not a relgious person and I am not a believer. Hope is what I need. I cannot ask for something that I cannot convince myself of its existance. I suppose I'm not sure of my needs. Is it advice? Hope? Prayer? I cannot understand; I struggle. I say please: for what, I do not know. Just please.
~~Thank You 

Loss

Folder: 
2014

Bottled up inside

Trying, just to hide

The pain that I feel,

The skin I want to peel.

There is no escape,

From this unending ache.

This is my torture

Something I must endure.

I cannot hide.

I cannot flee.

I'm forced to be me,

But who is she?

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Struggling with the next chapter in my life.

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Fear

Everybody has some sort of fear.

Something every human has in common.

It kind of brings us together.

It’s crazy how things that cause chaos bring us together.

In the times where we all seem to realize we know nothing,

We come together.

United.

You see I have a few fears.

I fear disappointing others.

I want to meet everyone else expectation of me.

I fear caring too much.

Caring so much that it will drive people away.

I fear not reaching my potential.

Wasting my time on little things

So much

That I don’t spend it on what helps me reach my goals.

I fear love.

Being Vulnerable

Giving a woman so much power over me

That one word from her can change my whole day.

Oh but I’ve been in love before

And it’s never gone my way.

But it never lasted more than 6 months.

Not that kind of love.

But a love that makes you want to spend forever with someone.

Scared that one day she’ll leave.

Giving a woman all of your heart.

She could have the shirt off your back

Hell even the underwear you have on.

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Fear

You're the only light I've ever known

And through you I have been shown

That this world is not full of pain

Not every day is darkness and rain

 

Knowing you I have seen sunshine

Which has taken me from a world so benign

You've shown me hope and love

When all I knew was push and shove

 

Without you I feel afraid

That I can't make it through without aid

I often fear you'll one day leave my side

Where a darkness shall come that I cannot hide

 

So I make one last request

To which I hope your answers yes

Stay by my side for the years to come

Because without you I'll come undone

 

~R

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Chills

Every once in a while, out of the blue,

as you sit quietly in a dark room

a cold shiver crawls up your spine

as if a centipede were wrapped around it.

The air seems laced with electricity,

and each creak yields a shriek.

The fine hairs on the nape of your neck

and arms stand at attention.

They hold vigil on top of your goose bumps,

seeking high ground from the flood on your skin.

Your heart begins to thump wildly.

and you can feel the pulse in your ears.

Your eyes widen and your pupils dilate.

Time, for a second, ceases to exist.

Like a deer in the road, you freeze up.

But where is the danger?

There’s no one else in the room

and all is dead silent.

Despite all your years of rejecting

the paranormal or supernatural,

this one moment pushes all logic aside.

You wonder if some, thing, sits in

the dark, watching intently.

No, don’t be childish, you tell yourself.

And yet, you can’t shake that chill, can you?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just a slightly creepy write for a horror fan like myself.

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Secrets of the tyrants

He is nothing but a man, mortal and afraid just like me. I do not fear his strength, for it is no greater than a bear's. I do not fear his speed, for it is no greater than a leopard's. Nor do I fear his intellegence for it is not greater than a human's, a human just like me. What I fear are the guards, the soldiers, the followers and most of all, the people. For they do not see what I see. They do not think he is nothing but a man, a man just like you and me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Man may be the worlds most dangerous animal, but if you can read this, so are you.

"To a Certain Someone"

I think you're afraid

Of mostly heartbreak 

To be alone, maybe you fear

But I know you NEED someone near

 

Either you can't admit it to yourself 

Or everyone that's tried has changed the way you felt 

I'm not most guys, but I'm not perfect 

I'm less of the same, I'm different 

 

It's up to you to see that and make the effort 

Of trying to keep me, or let me go right now

I hate wasting my time

The anxiety fucks with my mind

 

I don't expect you to be in love with me

But I would think that all this time you'd have seen

That either you wanna waste with this

Or I'm just an obstacle in your way shit! 

 

I don't why I'm writing this when we don't even know each other 

But I feel the need to clarify, am I a good thing or am I a bother?

Think this through and let me know 

Or call me right now and just say "you can go"

 

I won't blame you, since you told me everything upfront

But I can't help but get irritated, I guess I just I give a fuck

But it would be easier now that we either never meet

Or you say something meaningful and say you like me....

 

I'm sorry for putting these stupid thoughts in your head

They're also dumb in mine, empty hollow pointless threads 

Sorry you met me, sorry I'm like this

I should've told you from the start, I get attached too quick 

 

I'm not in love, no way in hell

But I did see something here, but I guess I'm by myself 

Let me know if this scared you, tell me the truth

One thing I gotta say before I leave, I never once lied to you...