Lord

What If Faith is Not Enough

Folder: 
Oncology

When reality finally hits you it hurts
When the truth comes into focus it’s brutally painful.
Hope isn't always enough
It’s not always a happy ending.
What happens when faith is not enough?

 

I get hot flashes
My depression splashes
My soul is cold like stone,
the fear of being alone.

 

So now I lay me down to sleep
I pray you lord my soul to keep
Don’t let me die before I wake
I pray you lord my soul do not take.

 

I barely have a past
And may have no future
       Empty pages of a book
       A story left unwritten
       A life left unlived
       A hope left in the dust.
Please don't take me yet
Your mercy you won't regret
I am down on my knees
Begging you please
Don’t take me away.

 

At night I dream a misty graveyard
A tombstone the name I cannot see
A flashlight in the darkness
A figure so lifeless I cannot breathe.
Then I awake not as fearless as I may seem.

 

If this is my future
And if it comes to pass
And this breath be my last
Then this thought to you I cast.

 

What if faith is not enough?
Then life would be rather tough
With nothing to believe in
And nothing to justify
Nothing to keep you sane
Nothing to grasp when you fall
You will have nothing,
nothing at all.

Sometimes that is how I am
Falling in the darkness
With nothing to take hold
This feeling leaves me cold
hearted, soulless, empty.
All I feel is the pain of being unreal
No one knows how this life feels,
when you are so lifeless.

 

So now I lay me down to cry
I pray you lord you can't let me die.
Now I lay me down to sleep
Close my eyes without a peep
Never to be opened again.

 

Your body goes warm then cold like rain
Slowly your body numbs,
to your fingers and your thumbs.
As your body stops working, you feel the cold mist of death
And peacefully while you’re sleeping you take your final breath.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My grandmother, a retired nurse herself, was also another very special person; she always knew that I would overcome my illness. Every day she would take me to the chapel in the church and I would stare at the enormously realistic wood carved statue of Jesus. I would ask “even though you look like you are in more pain than me, can you ask your father to help me.”

 

Then my grandmother and I would go back to the room and say this prayer together;

 

And now I lay me down to sleep and I pray you lord my soul to keep, but if I shall die before I wake, I pray you Lord my soul to take.

 

http://www.murder-in-oncology.com

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Thanking God For Each Day That We Live

We should thank God for each day we have to live.

We should thank him or every day that he gives.

He could take us twenty years from now or today.

Nobody knows when the good Lord will take us away.

But we should thank him for each day he gives to us.

We should thank him every day until we die when our bodies will return to dust.

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*My Angels Come To Save Me*

April-24-2005 
Trisha M. Barrek Hopkins

When I thought all was gone 
And felt my soul fading away 
And when felt I had no one 
I wanted my life to end in every way 
When I was at my deepest sorrow and pain 
And Felt like no one wanted me 
And I had nothing more to gain 
I wanted so bad to set my soul free 
Crying in the late night 
Feeling so alone 
Had no one to hold me so tight 
My heart as cold as stone 
Beyond the hurt I could not see 
That there was someone with I belong 
That I didn't have to stay the way I be 
That there's one that can make me strong 
And all my pain can be set free 
I've been so blind 
By these demons of mine 
That God sent me one so kind 
And now I don't have to stand in miseries line 
Because my angels come to save me 
To protect and to love 
The angel who was sent to my heart 
From way up above 
To be together forever never part

Copyright

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*You Walked In*

October-7-2003 
Trisha M. Barrek Hopkins

You walked in 
And my broken heart went out the door 
And "me" you won

My heart 
My soul 
Everything within every part 
Keeping you love is my goal

When you walked in 
You set my fears free 
I've changed within 
I'm happier and everyone can see 
That you made me a difference 
I'm a newer person the whole way around 
I just love your presence 
That day was so wonderful you is what i found

I admit it it took along time 
To get where i am now 
You i want to forever wine and dine 
In every way i know how

I'm so beyond words it was you that walked in 
That brought such sunshine 
And such a great person to love 
I really truly thank the lord above 
That you're mine

Copyright

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Genesis

The Stepford Model

     We are programmed. We are complacent.

     Eve was never tempted.

     The apple never bittten.

 

No evil allowed. No knowledge of the choice of evil.

 

Human existence- simplified, beautiful, lacking.

      an eerie Sim-like board game

      Everyone wins. (No one cares.)

 

Bitten apple. Serpant wins.

      Vast knowledge and an evil.

      Depth now applicable within the

      Human spirit, the human experience. (Freedom of choice.)

 

Wars, destruction

      Under human control

      Optional-

      Part of the apple's contract

 

The Lord's power is great, yet

      Allows for us to choose.

      Everyone wins. But world's evil is not 

 

At the blame of the Creator

      but at the application, the choice

      of humans to give in to and act upon

      The knowledge of evil.

 

 

This is why I despise snakes. 

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After the Golden Age

Folder: 
Poetry

Chaos should not cease

To dominate the world.

O yes, Nyarlathotep;

Will rule!

 

No wish for harmony,

Of its Golden Age;

It was before the Fall.


 

Reveling in constant disorder,

But Yog-Sothoth prefers reason;

Giving His first allegiance

To the Daemon Sultan: Azathoth

Remembering old times of this God.


 

Cthulhu does side with Him,

But Yig supports Yog-Sothoth;

As Father Serpent of the Cosmos,

Who invented this very world...


 

Yog-Sothoth has sympathy,

As Dagon; the Deep One Lord

And not even he can say

What will happen when there remains

A Princess restored on Her throne,

A Princess on Ebony Bone.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about what happened after the Golden Age.

Lord, I need your guidance and protection

Bowing down before thy Lord,

I question thee...

Why must you remain invisible to me?

I see you there, I see your works.

They're beautiful, but Lord, it hurts.

I long to be wrapped in your arms.

To feel your grace, I succumb to your charms.

Each time that you contact me,

My heart alights with so much glee.

But sometime when you leave me be,

I get confused and easily deceived.

I see your light in every being.

So I can't deceipher when the devil sings.

 

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tags:

Daddy

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Be all I see, Lord

For this I pray

Guide me and love me

Every day

Show me your goodness

Through hardness and strife

And I’ll love you, Daddy

For all of my life

 

Be Thou my vision

And give me Your eyes

So I can see other’s

Pain through their lies

Give me Your heart, Lord

To love as You do

For I once was like them;

And You made me new

 

Help them to see, Lord

The love that we share

Your son, my Daddy

‘Cause of Calvary there

Help them to know You

As loving and kind

Creator of all things

Glory divine

 

Give them the vision

As they look at this world

That they all are special

Every boy and girl

That they’re lost, but You made

A way to come back

And they’re all welcome

To the love that they lack

 

Your arms are wide open

For you’ve paid our price

Blood to save us

Love’s sacrifice

Can’t they see You?

On Calvary’s tree

Giving forgiveness

Dying for me

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I've Stumbled

I’ve stumbled Lord on to my knees
Where I belong voluntarily
But since I’m here I need to pray
Lord please help me find my children who have gone astray….
My husband now stays late- at a job he claims to hate
He does not love me the same – ever since I’ve gained weight….

Lord I know I ignored you when times were good
And did not pray the way I should

But please forgive me of my sins
And in my life please come back in…

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Is a powerful piece about a woman who forgets about Christ when things were good in her life. When things begin to fall apart, she stumbles upon her knees where she begins to pray. A perfect reminder that it is Christ who is keeping things together in our lives.