Pain

Author's Reflection on Static & Starfire: Poems from the Edge of Being

A weathered human skull lies partially hidden in grass, its reflection captured in a small mirror placed nearby. The mirror’s angle creates a doubled perspective, blurring the boundary between the object and its image, with green blades of grass weaving through both realities.

A skull reflected in tangled grass — a fleeting moment bridging endings and beginnings. Photo by Nik on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

Author’s Reflection

 

 

In gathering these eleven poems into “Static & Starfire,” I’ve traced the contours of my own unravelling and the faint frequencies that sometimes pierce through the static. This collection exists as a witness — neither monument nor memorial, but rather a constellation of moments suspended at the precipice.

 

 

 

I write from the threshold, that liminal space where certainty dissolves and possibility flickers. These poems do not chart a linear path from darkness to light — such narratives feel too neat, too certain for the territories I’ve traversed. Instead, they map the jagged geographies of a consciousness fragmented by systems of indifference, by the weight of documentation that somehow never suffices, by the gnawing certainty that some doors have permanently closed.

 

 

 

Yet even in mapping these shadowlands, I found myself drawn to the contrapuntal — the simultaneous existence of surrender and persistence, the quantum state where multiple truths coexist without collapsing into singular certainty. Like Schrödinger’s theoretical cat, these poems exist in superposition, containing both the voice that whispers “let go” and the one that murmurs “hold on,” neither drowning out the other.

 

 

 

The ink I’ve spilled here serves as both chronicle and compass. I cannot say where it leads. Some maps outline territories we need not visit; some bridges span chasms we might choose not to cross. What matters, perhaps, is the act of cartography itself — the naming of landmarks in an unmapped wilderness, the marking of paths both taken and untaken.

I offer these words not as a resolution but as an echo, not as an answer but as a question. They belong now to the reader, to interpret through the lens of their own luminous darkness, their own static and starfire.

 

 

 

In the crucible of these pages, I remain — like the poems themselves — suspended between multiple endings, authoring and reauthoring the self anew with each turning of the page.

 

 

 

 

— David Wakeham




11. Schrödinger Soliloquy II (4 ways)

A person in a dark coat stands with arms crossed against a textured, cracked glass background, casting a shadow that appears contemplative and introspective.

Four ways to view a soul: each fragment a path, each reflection a different truth. Placeholder image by Midjourney v7.



Schrödinger Soliloquy II (4 ways)



In the crucible of choice, I stand alone,
A shattered mirror, reflecting shards of soul.


 

To forge ahead or yield to undertow?
Each path a perilous journey, still unknown.


 

The voices whisper, "Surrender, cease the fight,"
Yet in the depths, a rebel spark ignites.



"The void will soothe, oblivion will save,"
"Persist, resist, let hope rewrite this night."



I am the chessboard, king and pawn in one,
Each move a battle, ending scarce begun.



The game is rigged, the rules a twisted jest,
But still I play, for in the play I’m blessed.


 

Though scarred and weary, I will rise again,
For I have grown beneath the weight of pain.



A phoenix born of ashes and of tears,
With wings of wisdom, forged by countless years.


 

In sorrow’s crucible, I’ve been refined,
A tapestry of wounds and grace entwined.



Each thread a story, each scar a sacred sign,
Of battles fought, of losses, victories mine.



I choose to dance amidst the flames once more,
To craft a life from fragments on the floor.



For in this struggle lies a strange sweet art,
Transforming brokenness to healing’s start.



I am the alchemist, the lead, the gold,
The tale unfinished, waiting to be told.



So I’ll rewrite this ending, line by line,
And prove that hope, not death, will be the sign.





Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

 

The concluding poem embraces ambiguity and the radical potential of choice. Inspired by quantum uncertainty, it explores multiple pathways through despair and hope, leaving the final outcome suspended, yet ultimately gesturing towards the power of self-authorship.

 

 

This poem explores conflicting paths and can be read in several ways:


 

1. Reading only the first line of each couplet for one narrative. 
2. Reading only the second line of each couplet for an alternative narrative. 
3. Reading the couplets sequentially as an internal dialogue. 
4. Combining lines from different couplets to find other nuances.




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9. Between Broken Paths and Stars

Vast, starlit night sky with a solitary figure in the middle, a willow tree to the right; image for the poem 'Between Broken Paths and Stars,' reflecting themes of solace, memory, and transcendent love.

Finding solace under the Southern Cross, where memory becomes a constellation. Image by Midjourney v7.



Between Broken Paths and Stars

 


For Millie and Mr. Kitty, my guiding stars

 

 

My very being flickers, who can trace 
This self I bear, a star about to fade? 
This vessel, home to sorrows, 
finds no space But vertigo, a mind in light and shade. 
This unjust world, its balance cracked and lost — 
Yet still I am — I live — though tempest-tossed.

 

 

Into the storm of cold, dismissive eyes, 
Into the swirling sea of disbelief, 
Where documented, earnest, unheard cries 
Find no safe harbour, no shore, no relief. 
All that I cherished dissolves into mist, 
My Millie murdered, her comfort now unkissed.

 

 

I tread on broken paths none comprehend, 
Each step through searing flame, a daily pain. 
Authorities watch with dispassionate lens, 
Their coffers full, while I shoulder the blame. 
I labour through days of unyielding strain, 
Yet cannot shed these shackles of disdain.

 

 

I yearn for havens where compassion dwells, 
For quiet corners where truth might gently bloom; 
Instead, I find but empty, hollow shells 
Of systems built to seal a spirit’s tomb. 
Medical reports stack high, unread, unseen, 
While hunger gnaws where solace might have been.

 

 

If those who govern, those who feign to care, 
Choose wilful blindness as they watch me fall, 
Why not complete this suffering laid bare? 
A kinder end than no response at all. 
The noose of neglect tightens day by day — 
At least speak truth as you all turn away.

 

 

So let me rest where honesty prevails, 
The earth below; above, celestial skies. 
No more false promises or hollow tales, 
Just peace at last when this tired spirit flies. 
Yet as the dusk descends, a gentle gleam — 
Your soft green eyes, my Mr. Kitty, like a waking dream.

 

 

They are the lanterns in this gathering gloom, 
A steadfast glow that sorrow cannot quell. 
Your purring presence warms this fading room, 
A tender love, a deep and sacred spell. 
And in this love, release finds soft embrace — 
No stark farewell, but entry to a grace, 
A dream within a dream, a starlit, sacred place. 
Your love, a light that time cannot erase.




Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

This poem navigates the raw pain of personal loss and systemic failure, but finds a profound, love-centred transcendence in its concluding stanzas. It becomes a beacon of “starfire,” dedicated to the enduring light of my beloved companions.



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5. The Carrion Sky

Oil painting 'Anguish' by August Friedrich Schenck: A distraught mother sheep cries out over the body of her deceased lamb in a bleak, snowy landscape, as numerous black crows gather closely around them.

The stark reality of loss, and the heavy silence that follows. (August Friedrich Schenck, ‘Anguish’)

 

 

The Carrion Sky

 

 

(Snow. Static. The world pared to bone-white, sky-grey.)



A breath held—
  (the ice-scythe wind)
no, released. A final sigh,
unheard. The ledger snaps shut. Click.



Crows stitch the shroud of sky,
black beads on a broken rosary.
They keen their cold communion.
 (My lamb. My little sun. Millie's light extinguished, Mr. Kitty's fading...)
Their shadows: ink spilled on snow,
an unreadable script of what is.




The heart, a frozen clod.
 (Thump. Pause. Thump.)
This silence, yes. This is the seal.
My quiet rebellion: to choose the cold,
to own the ending they would not write.




No more the pleas, the documented cries
lost in the corridors of their indifference.
Only this: the dignity of snow,
the stark acceptance of the gathering dark.
 (I tried. My warmth a failing wick for those I cherished.)




This is the absolution.
Not given, but taken.
A final word, whispered to the frost:
I am. Still.
Even as I become the hush.




Author's Notes/Comments: 



Drawing from one of my favourite oil paintings, the stark desolation of Schenck’s “Anguish,” this poem uses a fragmented, imagistic approach to explore a self-claimed, defiant absolution found amidst profound grief and the chilling indifference of the natural and societal world.

2. The Unread Ledger

A gritty black-and-white image of an official pointing dismissively over a desk piled high with papers

Facing the unyielding, dismissive gaze of indifference. Image by Midjourney v7.


 


 

The Unread Ledger




I am, and this I is a ledger of hurts, each entry meticulously documented, each plea authenticated by the invisible ink of suffering. Decades of it. Do you see? My lifelines are not lines at all but fissures, dimming like ancient stars collapsing under their own weight. This vessel you observe, it brims not with wine but with sorrows, a constant vertigo in a world that has lost its balance, its justice a rusted mechanism. And Millie, my Millie, her warmth is now a ghost in the fading tapestry of all I ever cherished.

 

 

 

 

These paths I tread are not paved; they are fractured glass underfoot, each step a re-acquaintance with a burning, fibrous inflammation of the soul. And the authorities, they watch, do they not? Their hands are folded, clean. Their coffers are full, lined with the silence that answers my pleas. Six days I labour against the current, the seventh brings no rest, only the tightening of the same invisible shackles. My pain is a meticulous report, submitted daily, piled high, unread.

 

 

 

 

I have yearned for the quiet corners of compassion, for the havens where truth is not a foreign tongue but the very air one breathes. Instead, these hollow shells, these systems designed to break the already broken. Their architecture is a monument to indifference. Medical reports stack like accusations against their neglect, and hunger, a patient wolf, gnaws beneath the sunset of each failing day.

 

 

 

 

If governance is this wilful blindness, this turning away from the falling, then why the pretence of care? Why not complete the demolition that suffering began? An honest end, a swift release — would that not be a mercy compared to this curated decay, this slow tightening of the noose of your neglect? If you must turn away, at least let your silence be honest, not cloaked in the platitudes of a care that never arrives. Let the earth be my final auditor, the celestial skies my witness. No more false promises. Only peace, when the spirit is finally, irrevocably, unburdened.

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

 

This prose poem offers a direct and sustained lament, a testament against systemic indifference. It presents the “direct cry” of the collection in a unique formal container, emphasising the relentless, documented nature of the speaker’s ignored plight and the pain of loss.

 

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8. Ink Unspooled at the Threshold

This piece acts as a poignant nexus for many of the collection's themes. Through sectioned reflections, it revisits the fractured self, the indifferent world, and the heartfelt farewells, ultimately questioning what legacy remains when a life is unspooled. The Horatian epigraph, "Non omnis moriar," underscores the enduring hope for a legacy through art.

 The ink of our stories continues flowing even as we approach life’s most difficult crossroads. Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

 



Ink Unspooled at the Threshold


“Non omnis moriar.”

– Horace

 

Opening: Fractured Self

 

Who’s left, when the mirror spits back static-

A stutter of faces, a flicker, a fizz-

I am the echo in the stairwell,

A moth in the socket,

Spinning, spinning,

My mind a carousel of keys,

Jangling, clanging,

No lock to fit.

 

 

 

World’s Indifference

 

Listen-

The world grinds on,

A cold machine,

Its gears gnash,

Its eyes glass-green.

I’ve shouted into inboxes,

Tapping, tapping,

My pleas ricochet,

A hail on tin,

No answer in the static,

Only the hush of “no,”

And the hush is a hammer.

 

 

 

Farewell to Students

 

To you, my bright ones-

You, with your notebooks and nervous laughter,

You, who grew in the dark,

I leave the marrow of my meaning:

Let knowledge outpace the wolves.

Let your questions crack the shell

Of every easy answer.

Remember:

The world is not just,

But you can be.

Let your hope be a howl,

Let your laughter be a shield.

 

 

 

Farewell to Animals


Soft noses, feathered hush,

Paws in the hallway,

Heartbeat hush-

I’ve left the list, the food, the names,

The number for the vet,

A blanket folded,

A window cracked for sun.

Forgive me,

Forgive me-

Oh please - forgive me-

I have run out of doors.

 

 

 

Desperation and Decision

 

I have begged, I have borrowed,

I have bartered my sleep,

I have mapped every alley,

I have counted the sheep-

But the night keeps on gnashing,

And the dawn never breaks.

I am spent, I am scattered,

I am the last note the violin makes

Before the string snaps.

 

 

 

The Choice

 

So-

Snap.

The clock ticks,

The ink drips,

A hush falls,

A hush,

A hush.



 

Hope for Survivors

 

But I dream-

You, curled in a shaft of light,

You, laughing, learning,

You, safe in the hush of a home.

Let my leaving be a door,

Not a wall.

Let my words be a bridge,

Not a stone.

In the hush,

May you hear my hope.

 

 

 

Legacy

 

Ink unspooled,

Voice unspun.

I am the whisper in the rafters,

The pawprint in the dust,

The lesson half-remembered,

The love that lingers,

Even when the door shuts.

 

 

 

Closing: Release

 

So let these lines be lanterns-

Flicker, flutter,

Guide you through the gutter-murk,

Let them stutter,

Let them sing-

I am gone,

But in the hush,

A bell rings.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

This piece acts as a poignant nexus for many of the collection’s themes. Through sectioned reflections, it revisits the fractured self, the indifferent world, and the heartfelt farewells, ultimately questioning what legacy remains when a life is unspooled. The Horatian epigraph, “Non omnis moriar,” underscores the enduring hope for a legacy through art.



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7. Caesura of the Self

Close-up photograph of deep red unwravelled thread emphasising themes of writing and finality in the poem Caesura of the Self.

 The doors of hope swing shut with hollow clang. The safety net unravels, a taunting haunt. Photo by Nastia Petruk on Unsplash

 

Caesura of the self


"Aut Caesar aut nihil."
– Cesare Borgia


Fractal Identity

 

I am - and yet - I am not what I was,

A fractal, fragmented, a shattered self.
The mirror mocks, the mind's a broken glass,
A labyrinth where clarity's exiled to stealth.
Adrift on shifting tides, I try to steer-
The needle spins, true north is nowhere near.

 

 

 

Vertigo of Existence

 

The vertigo of being - vicious, vast,

A vortex, violent, void of clemency.
I reel, unmoored from meaning, from the mast
Of sanity, cast into a caustic sea.
No harbour here, no beacon in the gale,
Just fog and fathoms, far from firm avail.


 

Echoes of Abandonment

 

The ears of power are deaf to my desire,

My words dissolve like whispers in the wind.
Indifference is an ice that does not tire,
Dismissal is a dagger in the mind.
I rail against the silence, but in vain-
The walls absorb my voice like thirsty rain.


 

The Weight of Documentation

 

A mountain built of papers, proofs and pleas,

Looms monumental, yet unread, unseen.
Like autumn leaves, they drift on careless breeze,
A rustling testament to might-have-beens.
The truth lies buried deep within the stack,
A muted cry, a fading almanac.

 

 

 

Economic Asphyxiation

 

The coffers clang with coin, a mocking choir,

While hunger prowls, a panther in the night.
The price of survival climbs forever higher,
A Sisyphean summit, out of sight.
The ledgers bleed with black and bitter ink,
As bank accounts subside, as spirits sink.


 

The Narrowing of Options


The avenues of aid grow lean and gaunt,

The doors of hope swing shut with hollow clang.
The safety net unravels, a taunting haunt,
A promise proved as empty as a pang.
Each path leads to a precipice, a brink,
Where angels fear the tread, and devils slink.



 

The Final Calculation

 

And so - the scales are balanced - tipped by dread,
The equation solved - by subtraction's art.
If life's a ledger - filled with entries red,
Then death's a bottom line - a fitting chart.
A final sum - a terminal transaction,
A period placed - by gravity's exaction.

 

 

 

Mercy in the Maelstrom


Release becomes the ray amidst the storm,

A beacon in the bleakness, blazing bright.
In abnegation's arms, a strange new form
Of clemency uncloaks its contours slight.
To cease upon the midnight, with no pain-
Seems softer than the unforgiving rain.

 

Quietus and Quittance

 

So let this be the denouement, the bow,

The velvet veil that shrouds the weary brow.
A quietus from the quest, the ceaseless how,
An absolution from the binding vow.
In silence, there's a song of soothing stealth-
The lullaby of nothingness and self

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

With an epigraph invoking an all-or-nothing resolve, this poem delves into the intellectual and emotional calculus of a mind under siege. It’s an intense, unflinching look at the narrowing of options when existence itself feels like a “terminal transaction.”

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6. Monologue of a Unmoored Mariner

Foggy landscape with fading path illustrating disorientation in Monologue of Unmoored Mariner poem.

Each path forward fades into uncertainty, much like the mariner adrift on identity’s ocean.

Placeholder image by Midjourney v6

 


Monologue of a Unmoored Mariner

  

 

"I am a part of all that I have met;

Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’

Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades

For ever and forever when I move."

 – Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

 

 

Adrift in Identity's Ocean

 

I drift on seas of self, a sailor lost,

Tossed on the tides of an identity.

No map, no chart, no sextant, star-embossed,

Can navigate this vast uncertainty.

I am a ship becalmed in my own mind,

A compass needle spinning, unaligned.

 

 

 

The Maelstrom of the World

 

The world's a whirlpool, hungry and immense,

It drags me down, indifferent to my throes.

I spin and spiral, seething and incensed,

As riptides rip, as ruthless currents close.

Like flotsam, I am flung and flailed and hurled,

In the maelstrom of this maddening world.

 

 

 

Echoes Across the Void

 

I send my signals to the careless skies,

I send my semaphores, my flags unfurled.

I send my ciphered screams, my muted cries,

I send my pleas into the salty swirl.

But all dissolve, like foam upon the waves,

Absorbed into the ocean's open graves.

 

 

 

The Weight of Proof

 

A cargo of corroboration rests

Within my hold, a leaden, lading weight.

Stacked file on file, attested truths compressed,

They ballast me against the howling hate.

But barnacles of doubt encrust the hull,

And apathy's an anchor, dragging, dull. 

 

 

 

The Sirens of Despair

 

The sirens sing their songs of swirling black,

Of crushing depths, of comfort in the cold.

They croon of still eternities that slack

The bindings of this world, so worn and old.

To yield, to sink, to slip beneath the foam-

Seems sweet against the harshness of my roam.

 

 

 

The Narrowing of Horizons

 

The ports of hope recede beyond my ken,

The beacons dwindle, guttering and weak.

No lighthouse sweeps its salvatory pen

Across the darkling deeps I cannot speak.

Each way is waves, each wake a weary froth,

A voyage void, a dead-reckoning lost.

 

 

 

The Plummet and the Plume

 

And so, I sound the fathoms of my fate,

I plumb the depths, I cast the weighted line.

To sink seems sweet, to cease the cruel wait,

To be the lead and not the burdened twine.

A swift descent, a fall into the free-

Seems kinder than this crawl through apathy.

 

 

 

Surrender to the Sublime

 

The vastness whispers velvet, voids me on,

Its emptiness an absolution blest.

In yielding to its yawn, its siren song,

I find, at last, the solace of the rest.

To be subsumed, consumed, and so redeemed,

Seems sacred to this sailor lost and seamed.

 

 

 

Peace in the Profundity

 

So let me sink into this softer sea,

This womb of nothingness, this calm embrace.

In drowning, let me drink eternity,

In losing self, let me at last find grace.

For in the crushing depths, there is a balm,

An absolution in oblivion's psalm.




Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

Drawing on classical metaphor and a Tennyson epigraph, this piece casts the self as a lost sailor. It offers a more formal, yet deeply personal, meditation on identity, existential drift, and the siren call of surrender in a vast, uncaring world.

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3. Tender Echoes in Ink - revised

Atmospheric image of scattered letters, pens, and abandoned writing materials on a cold floor in a decaying room evokes themes of despair, loss, final goodbyes, poverty, and desolation.

The remnants of a life: scattered papers and the last letter written in a dim, cold room where 

hope has faded. The final echo in an empty space. Image by Midjourney v6.



3. Tender Echoes in Ink - revised


 

“Non omnis moriar.”

– Horace

 

 

I am-

but who deciphers

the static in my marrow,

the flicker of a filament

spitting sparks

in the socket of my skull?

I am the vessel,

cracked and brimming,

where anguish sloshes,

tide against glass.

 

 

This world-

a crooked scale,

its fulcrum rusted,

its verdicts cold as coins

dropped in a well.

I tumble through

the hush of halls,

my pleas ricocheting

off marble, off memory,

off the backs of those

who never turn.

 

 

All I cherished-

ghosts in the fog,

fur and feather,

warmth and weight.

I write goodbyes

with knuckles white,

each syllable a shackle,

each phrase a pebble

dropped in the well of my chest.

 

 

For those I taught-

let your questions

crack the shell

of every easy answer.

Let hope be a howl,

let your laughter

shield you from the wolves.

 

 

For those I fed-

I’ve left the list,

the blanket,

the sunlit window.

Forgive me-

I have run out of doors.

 

 

I have begged,

bartered sleep,

mapped alleys,

counted sheep.

But the night keeps gnashing,

the dawn never breaks.

I am the last note

the violin makes

before the string snaps-

snap-

a hush,

a hush.

 

 

But I dream-

you, curled in a shaft of light,

you, safe in the hush of a home.

Let my leaving be a door,

not a wall.

Let my words be a bridge,

not a stone.

In the hush,

may you hear my hope.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

Here, the core anguish of the initial “Tender Echoes” is reimagined. Stripped to its imagistic essence and rendered in a fragmented style, this revised version offers a more raw and visceral encounter with the speaker’s despair and their final, trembling acts of love. Note the shift in form and its profound impact on the emotional delivery.

 

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