mercy

Tested and True

 

I'm being tested....

And I feel, the fail.
For I am not worthy,
Of not even 1 nail.

I'm just a sinner,
Imperfect and flawed,
Compared to Perfection,
I'm just a fraud.

In my moments of weakness,
He is my steadfast might.
In my struggles in darkness,
He is my Guiding Light.

But by His Grace,
My soul is unstained,
Because of his Gift,
I'm no longer chained.

He comes in gently,
And I feel His arms,
Holding me closely,
Protected from harms.

He comes and He washes,
Away all my shame,
He calls me, His 'Beloved',
He calls me by name.

So if I'm being tested,
I now know I can't fail.
He tells me to not hide,
And lifts off my veil.

For there's no shame before Him,
We can't ever hide.
If we chose, to choose Him,
He'll walk by our side.

Forever in step with,
And of His accord,
I'll never be without...
My Savior...My Lord.

 

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What If Faith is Not Enough

Folder: 
Oncology

When reality finally hits you it hurts
When the truth comes into focus it’s brutally painful.
Hope isn't always enough
It’s not always a happy ending.
What happens when faith is not enough?

 

I get hot flashes
My depression splashes
My soul is cold like stone,
the fear of being alone.

 

So now I lay me down to sleep
I pray you lord my soul to keep
Don’t let me die before I wake
I pray you lord my soul do not take.

 

I barely have a past
And may have no future
       Empty pages of a book
       A story left unwritten
       A life left unlived
       A hope left in the dust.
Please don't take me yet
Your mercy you won't regret
I am down on my knees
Begging you please
Don’t take me away.

 

At night I dream a misty graveyard
A tombstone the name I cannot see
A flashlight in the darkness
A figure so lifeless I cannot breathe.
Then I awake not as fearless as I may seem.

 

If this is my future
And if it comes to pass
And this breath be my last
Then this thought to you I cast.

 

What if faith is not enough?
Then life would be rather tough
With nothing to believe in
And nothing to justify
Nothing to keep you sane
Nothing to grasp when you fall
You will have nothing,
nothing at all.

Sometimes that is how I am
Falling in the darkness
With nothing to take hold
This feeling leaves me cold
hearted, soulless, empty.
All I feel is the pain of being unreal
No one knows how this life feels,
when you are so lifeless.

 

So now I lay me down to cry
I pray you lord you can't let me die.
Now I lay me down to sleep
Close my eyes without a peep
Never to be opened again.

 

Your body goes warm then cold like rain
Slowly your body numbs,
to your fingers and your thumbs.
As your body stops working, you feel the cold mist of death
And peacefully while you’re sleeping you take your final breath.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My grandmother, a retired nurse herself, was also another very special person; she always knew that I would overcome my illness. Every day she would take me to the chapel in the church and I would stare at the enormously realistic wood carved statue of Jesus. I would ask “even though you look like you are in more pain than me, can you ask your father to help me.”

 

Then my grandmother and I would go back to the room and say this prayer together;

 

And now I lay me down to sleep and I pray you lord my soul to keep, but if I shall die before I wake, I pray you Lord my soul to take.

 

http://www.murder-in-oncology.com

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Temperance

The streets are clean 

But only by the street sweeper

Our hearts are open 

But only for the surgeon 

Our minds are sponges 

But only for social media 

Our passions are set for justice 

But only for the social warriors 

9 rules of temperament 

Goodness 

Kindness 

Gentleness 

Patience 

Self -control 

Faithfulness

Peace 

Love 

Joy

 

10 perfect laws tempered with mercy 

Is all we need 

To create a world really worth living in. 

 

I wish you could see it with me instead of against me.

We are the same but our eyes see differenly.

I love you.

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End Me (While I Want It) - May 7, 2012

Worthless, a word with common speak interlaced,

Describes me so well in a fashion so perfect.

I have no meaning, no use, no love or place;

I want to be displaced; from life be erased.

 

So come and end me, come slit my throat;

Come suffocate me, and watch me choke.

Don't hesitate, I wanna prolong this pain;

Have no mercy, just play it like a game.

 

Tie my arms, my feet, restrain and throw me;

Into a tank of boiling tar you'll force me.

Scattered inside are razors so gleaming;

So pleasing is that music of me screaming.

 

Take serrated blades, rip my wrists apart;

Carve out my eyes, like the hopes in my heart.

Drain my blood, drink it like a fucking wine;

So sweet, delicious; it's the end of my time.

 

Rip out my fucking heart and tear it apart,

There's no love left in me to give anyways.

Carve out my chest cavity, it's divine art;

Hollow me, use me like a fucking ashtray.

 

Hold down my hands, tear off my fingernails;

Hang them as bloody ornaments so pleasing.

Screaming agonized joy, my heart now fails;

Just kill me now, this wish so diseasing.

 

So take a hammer, smash in my worthless face;

Stomp on my remains, now but a disgrace.

Digest my flesh, make me part of your soul;

Feel my corpse, touch the walls of my skull.

 

Lock me in a chair, force my eyes open wide,

Make me witness the horrors of real genocide.

My screaming only intensifies this pain;

On the floor is a growing red bloodstain.

 

Take my corpse, throw it in the sea's midst,

With anchors tied tightly to my rotten chest.

Let not one piece or memory of me remain,

So I'll be forgotten and all will be the same.

 

I don't care how, just please end me quickly;

You know, there's a reason for my death plea.

I'm sick of hurting others, sick of being me,

Sick of being the one to cause all the misery.

 

It's not that I would normally wish to die,

But at this point I can now seem to find,

I've brought this unto myself, can't deny,

So please kill me before I change my mind.

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

(This was written purely for entertainment.)

Natural Regression

Instinctual mind games mechanically operated
Stem from habitual curses, never confronted
the unsolicited tear
gives ear to my mahogany colors' utter of pain,
a life unrestrained,
I see through the smoke of fear,
All of hell couldn't shake me
or hold me here
Whispers & cries, crowd my ears
I’m Slippin,
as I’m tested through valley mud slides
Trying to gain control,
as I keep fallin victim to the ride
honestly regretting my step down from fame
defining my life as a shame
not calculating my stallion stature
deeming me worthy of sovereignty
but negating my crown
due to my own stupidity
1 john 5:14
Tells me
Anything I ask according to his will, He hears me
The problem is
Your will’s not decorated with lights and bulbs
Better yet,
It’s disguised between chapters and numbers
With no instruction manual
But I have the petition of what I’ve asked
Sad that I misplaced it at her house,
His door
It may even be in the bag
I left next to the lighter
By the ash tray
I can’t remember
but how hard is my head
and my nerve as I ask
why is your thoughts, not my thoughts
neither your way my way?
Why do I fear the darkness that clouds me
The shadow of death that surrounds me
I should be strong, a warrior in the valley
rejoicing in the victory unseen
but just as i see the light
the end of the tunnel
You close the door, frustrated
So I ask, seek, and knock, just like you taught
I surrender
Both hands up like 12 o'clock
Lord I'm hungry for the answers
but disturbed with the replies
Cumbersome I am
so I repeat,
I’ve asked
I’ve seeked
I’ve knocked
I’ve knocked
I’ve pounded
I’ve even checked the window
How I want to say
I WAS ONCE blind
but actually
I'm becoming def to
my walk is lame
so you're the only one I can step to
you offered me a place to seek refuge
But I’ve drawn myself away
Pursuing the fleshly arrays
Confiscating gold you discarded
Defiling your whispers of direction
While conversing with my emotions
for celestial navigation
I am adulterated
but your word tells me
Confess my sins
For you are faithful, just
And will forgive me
And cleanse me from all unrighteousness
I hear you!
but I hear her, him and them
undoubtedly
I tried to turn right
but peer pressure re-routed me,
tossing and turning
I've lost hours of sleep
3am, I heard the
“Do more than confess your sins to me
And do onto them, what you did on to me,
FLEE”
instantly, the raging sea within me felt PEACE,
no longer in turmoil, shaken by every wind
I could finally descend into a place of resolve
I’ve cracked the code, Da’Vinci
what was revealed?
faith, hope and love
and through my instinctual mind games
habitual curses,
and natural regressions
He did not ask me to confront them
but allowed me to be witness
to the destruction of them
I stood still
as I watched the world around me
fall and shatter,
the end, this would not be,
for I soon should see
what no eye have seen or ear have heard,
then light was visible
as my crown was revealed
the screams became unbearable
as I became uncomfortable
it became intolerable
only then I broke through
And realized
I’ve witnessed my own birth!

By David Johnson & Jeremy Baker

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"Cradle"

Folder: 
My Work

Time and its essence was birthed by your wisdom.
the stars, they are numbered,
as they play at Your Feet.
Your Holy Presence gives light to the sun,
night becomes day, only to repeat.
You bathe my life in the sweet glow of Mercy,
no human hands could incite such a touch.
So, I will close my eyes, and like the stars that rest above me,
Sleep in the rapture of this cradle I call Love…

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Can you rest?

Angel of the Light

Folder: 
Yestderday's News

She is an angel of the light,
flying through the twilight night.

Dark ones know her name,
searching like hungry ones the same.

They are not like her,
of this fact we are sure.

Easily pointed out,
for this reason they do not shout.

She is an angel of mercy,
her act takes no rehearsing.

You can see her by the side of the moon,
singing a happy-go-lucky tune.

She is an angel of the light,
strong and courageous with all her might.

The dark ones were not born this way,
she stays the same and never sways.

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Fear of what cannot be seen/paranoia of everyone and the order that it brings

Within this dark, confined world,
the Algorithms ruled each sector of each city with no regard for mercy or compassion;
no free speech was allowed unless it was in praise of the master programmer,
no thought was allowed expression that was deemed a possible threat to the order that had been established long ago.
The price for so called safety and harmony, were the very freedoms, once enjoyed;
the free will that had been suppressed and controlled many generations long dead.
It was not guns or uniforms, but paranoia that inspired suppression;
no one dared speak freely.

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BEGGING FOR MERCY--BEGGING FOR LA MISERCORDIA - ---(senryu)


Hey escuche mi voz

que mis oraciones sean contestadas

te ruego por miseri cordia. 

(c0 copyright heather burns

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