loss

Not by Chance

 

We came to be,
And we ceased.
As if touched by the Erlking,
It died without a trace.

 

We have often looked back,
We have not forgotten what died,
For it was not without trouble
That love was lost in a flurry.

 

A rash decision,
Perhaps.
The right decision,
We do not know.

 

It happens for a reason,
So I’ve been told.
Nothing is an accident,
And if it matters,
It will return.

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If it hurts... (You're alive)

If it hurts (you're alive)
***********************
How can I move on, when I can't even get up?

How can I stop hurting, when this pain makes me throw up!
In my head; I try to see, where we went wrong;
This feeling I feel; reminds me of; a sad country song.
The one that I love, has thrown me away...
All of a sudden, it just happened one day!
She said, she tried, but she had to pretend
That to her I was no more, then just, an old friend.
Gawd; how it hurt, to hear her say that...
"Had to pretend"... those words knocked me down flat!
Now, I don't think a friend, would string me along...
Or, play me like a violin, now that... would be wrong!
In one breath, she says, she'll always love me
But in the next she says, she never will love me.

How can I forget, all the things we've shared
How can I believe, she never really cared..
I know on my part, I loved her so much
I'm going through withdraws, for lack of her touch!
Help me somebody, I am begging please
I'll try anything, if it puts my pain at ease.
I wake in the morning, but dont get out of bed
I can't face the world, so I'll just hide instead.
No one can see me, so they can't see me cry.
If it would help stop this pain, then I would gladly die!
Someone once told me , the pain would go away
All I need do, is go out and get laid
How can I do that, when she fills my every thought
I'd be lucky to get it up, let alone get it hard as a rock
How can I end this pain, I feel but I can't see?
How can I move on, if she is not with me?
When I love someone, I love with all I am
And to make things work, I'll do whatever I can
Loving someone... is easy to do!
Making a relationship work, requires the efforts of two.
I guess it was to much, or she didn't have the time
Maybe she got tired of just being mine?

All that is certain, is this is killing me
Feeling this pain, that no one can see.
I can't find the strength, to get out of bed
I can't get her beautiful face, out of my head
I can't move on, if I can't even move
How could his happen? Loves not something you lose
Kicked to the curb, she didn't bat an eye...
And she couldn't even tell me, the what or the why.
So this pain that I feel, is all that is left...
Of the love I have for her, until my last breath!!!

©Paul Posney 10/27/2016

'

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Elusive (day 89)

Can I choose what to keep

and what to lose and what to hide

Can I push back the river

so you can cross the bridge I can’t hold

 

You can be the revolution I almost fight

You can be the promise

you forgot to remember,

the lines I’m always waiting in without falling

I’ve found forgetting to be easier

 

I’ve found three chords in the wind and still

I can’t find my voice in the wild summer

It’s elusive like storms in your gulf shore eyes,

like the colors on my gray pages,

like the laugh you left on my doorstep…

just something you forgot to tear from my grip

when you walked out the door

 

I would say you’re darkness

but that would be a lie

You’re not the absence of light,

you’re the absence of change

as I clasp my fingers tighter to any fire I can find

that singes off memories of you

as I bite my tongue in this tunnel I keep trespassing

and try to hold them still

 

I’m waiting for when this starts to feel like family

But I swallowed three sunsets

and you’re still not back

 

So the sunsets burn in my throat,

tease my lungs as they go down laughing

So the sunsets tell me the tales I already know

mistakes and giving up and moving on

But if I have to let go of something

can I choose what to lose

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/24/16

Elusive

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tags:

Greener Pastures

Folder: 
Favorites

 

We look out into the distance and see,

 

Flying down is a beautiful bird,

 

I am unsure of its species and appearance,

 

However, as we sit and admire I doubt I have ever seen anything so beautiful,

 

As the majesty swoops down near the green grass,

 

Than ascends towards her blue sky.

 

 

 

Some time passes and our bird friend appears to have abandoned us,

 

He has fled perhaps somewhere sunnier as the black clouds begin to close in,

 

Out of the corner a new bird appears,

 

A black silhouette, an ominous shadow,

 

He too, swoops down near the green grass,

 

Than ascends towards his dark sky.

 

 

 

Again a period of time passes and another bird chooses to leave us behind,

 

But yet again another appears and the storm comes to a close,

 

With this one the sky has balanced, and the full beauty of the world can be seen,

 

It flies in and out of the green grass, tiptoeing its way through the field,

 

It is perfect, the perfect bird and the perfect bird,

 

It too ascends towards the sky and leaves us behind however.

 

 

 

Perhaps the right bird is none at all, for they will always find a greener pasture.

 

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Why I Can't Start Over (day 46)

Knowing isn’t believing-

just because I avoid this every day

doesn’t mean it’s truth

You can aim reality straight into my face

and still not hit your mark,

the barrier you built up

between my head and my heart

is too strong.

 

I’d still give it all to start over,

when I didn’t know to trust you

but I didn’t know not to trust you either.

 

I tally up the lies I tell myself

every time I walk into walls,

I can’t give you a clean slate

if you’re still the same soul-

because I can read everything I ever was

in your bottomless green eyes

as they flicker with how much I know I regret and you don’t.

 

And yesterday I met another person from your electric city,

but he doesn’t even have an identity,

because in my head that city is not a place where people live.

 

It’s where you sleep at night,

it’s where you don’t think about your daily routine because you know it like the back of your hand,

it’s where you know someone with a smile better than mine,

it’s where you make up stories about the strangers on the streets,

it’s where you keep your favorite cereal and the cat who loves you no matter how ugly you cry,

it’s where you keep the pair of shoes you bought once but outgrew and only still have them because they remind you of how far you’ve come,

it’s where you sometimes forget to tell your mom you love her but it’s okay because in seven hours you’ll see her again,

it’s where you maybe sometimes think about me-

where you probably don’t,

it’s where you stay up till the sunrise with people lucky enough to know you,

it’s you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 9/16/16

Electric city

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tags:

2am (day 7)

it’s 2am
and I’m sitting on a barstool
pledging insomnia
from days that really try the soul

 

you’ve made me a night owl,
no,
you’ve made me a vulture,
sucking the life out of my own body

 

now I drag myself around
kicking paint cans so I don’t recognize my heart

 

because bleeding at night is easier
than bleeding in the sunlight,
so now it’s 2am
and I’m sitting on a barstool
while the whole world’s asleep
pretending to be not thinking about you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/12/16

Insomnia, 2am, night owl, barstool, days that really try the soul

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Without You

The days that were before,

O, how have they been lost!

Another tear, the tear,

it will soothe in my love-tossed soul

 

Decidedly, I chose to not forget,

as if there ever was a chance

at this repair, so hopeful I let

the seen things go, until

 

But it is clear, oh very clear

that this soul you don't deserve

that this hopefullness doesn't strike

that it is I you don't care to like

 

for that, I set myself free

from your shackles,

from your tax

upon which you feed,

is there still a chance at this repair?

I stop pondering it,

for my life is to live now,

without this nightmare it's become

without the deceit to overcome

without all the tears you bring into it

Without You

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Dear Michael and Alex:-

Folder: 
Children's Prose:

 


I am saddened by your sorrow; at the departure of your grandpa.

May he rest a while with doves of peace.

Residing now with his creator amongst the star.


From toil and ill health his eternal spirit lives on; by death's release.

So don't be disheartened by his demise.

Your grandpa will always love you still; and be guiding and guarding your way from afar.


Love never ending and that cannot marr:

Your memories of your loving grandpa.

Keep well, safe and live for life never ceasing:

Your loving grandma, Nan Anita.


By Anita Griffiths

Author's Notes/Comments: 

How to explain to the young the concept of death, ill health and disabilitating quality of life?

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Life

Folder: 
Dark

I sit here

Pondering the terrifying 

The loss of breath

The loss of self

The lonely road to oblivion

 

All we have

Is these moments

Time is unforgiving 

Fate is inevitable 

Love is our legacy