Addiction

The Cure

Brothers and cousin brothers,
cousin cousins and cousin friends
found boredoms cure in bottle's bottom,
whole families downing medicine,

and then we sought another cure,
and found it in the hydro trees,
or going into town
and stealing cars to tease police,

or, torment a passer by,
they ran, or cried, some flexed,
felt like a teranisaurus rex
in a cage of kids and lambs,

eat them until we're full,
then beat them because we could,
that cure was just as good
as the other medicines,

on sunday noon I woke,
heard a screaming out the window,
saw my brother was the cure
for my other brother's ills,

then my sight cast down the road,
the street was blood and spirits torn,
the cure had made us crazy,
into fucken cannibals.

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I'm Waking Up

Folder: 
Volume Three

I'm waking up.

 

I raise my glass, to this life as I walk that line never knowing if what I'm doing is right.

I had lost my faith and came close to just giving up.

Drove hard and fast as I gambled it all on just my luck.

Left abandoned on this highway of pain, this road of misery

lined with banks and gas stations it is a real slaughterhouse facility.

To the Tar pits for our field trips out on this new Vegas strip.

 

Reach out and strangle someone and when your scared you will always go for that gun.

We allow fear to keep us captive always struggling to find ourselves.

Searching for that reason to keep fighting deep within our own hells

and when that swarm finally does break and you can see the silver lining on the horizon.

Redemption was not cheap, salvation was not easy and one day you will see that sun.

To the pits of hell for our quest to fail, on our dreams we set sail.

 

There is no voice to the words now spoken, saying everything and knowing nothing.

Holding onto the last of the shadows left in the room as the bad taste is still lingering.

Walking around blind, searching for something we lost but will never again find.

It was the past. It was a lesson to teach us to value and to understand the meaning of time.

Nothing will last if we continue our course. The ship will sink and you will drown.

To this day should I survive it any other way, on the wings of hope I would say.

 

On the edge of this cliff, the precipice of our sanity becomes the alter to our suicidal tragedy.

At birth we are conditioned to believe in the lie, that vanity even matters.

Talking a big game but still acts like money trumps a child's laughter.

Where greed and obsession became the cancer eating away at man's heart.

These are just a few addictions to our wicked sins that is tearing our souls apart.

To the energy that never dies, a heart that never lies on the tears of those who never compromised.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just finished this piece up a little bit ago, all new. First poem in a long time where I have not used old writings for refrence or ideas. Part of my muse for this piece came from a dark dark place my opiate addiction infact. However my outcome may play out, this I believe is at least a good sign in my own tirals yet to come. Your thoughts on this title? I think I still have a shred of skill haha :)

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The Opiate Queen **Mature Readers**

Folder: 
Volume Three

The Opiate Queen”

 

 

There is no hope left in this wasteland of death

as wicked men destroy this world in a single breath.

Living in ruin, morally corrupted we bathe in sin.

When the road to hell is paved in gold,

the devil will come and take your soul.

 

I'm starting to get crossfaded,

chasing this addiction I've become jaded.

With never enough I aim to become sedated,

hating the way I perceive, this life to be.

When I am sober, I just want it all to be over.

I am who I am, as I aim to be hated by them.”

 

Chasing the cocaine dreams, of an opiate queen.

Chasing the codeine streams, to wash over me.”

 

When I close my eyes I can feel your touch against my skin.

Distant memories as I hit the bottle once again. “Sink or swim?”

Can there be any hope for tomorrow, when your in constant sorrow?

Finding myself trapped within this jungle of insanity,

a savage wilderness with no chance to flee.

When I look into the glass of perception

I see my soul and every fucking obsession.

Follow me even further down this rabbit hole.

Witness death, riding his pale horse coming for your soul.

 

"I still taste the dreams and in them you only seem to linger,

digging away at the scab with your boney protruding finger.

As you reach into my soul, only to find it an empty hole.

Oh how I beat you to the punch my hooded figure, my grim reaper.

Had sold my soul already and far cheaper."

 

I am chasing the cocaine dreams, of an opiate queen

drowning within the codeine streams, that suffocate me”

 

Everyday, I ask if this will be my last and I struggle to find my way.

Everyday, you devise a new way to screw with my head

and I am starting to realize how little I will be missed when I am dead.

In this universe so vast, the only thing certain is our past.

The pattern behind the veil, to live this life as if it were your last.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just finished up this piece. Not much I can say about this poem, or rather would like to say as once again

(What a surprise) I wrote about one of my habits.

As usual comments and criqtues is welcome here.

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 19

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Nineteen

'The mark of a coward'

 

The devil will wait for me on the road of desolation,

at the crossroads of my weakness and obsessions.

Will these words become my final chapters?

As I walk head on into the den of vipers.”

 

           I am still here, still alive and kicking. Down but not out. I still have some fight left in me and a great man would stand and take that beating once again. Only I am no great man, as I just want to lay here until they are finished with their abuse.

Life is a challenge as we confront our demons that tempt us into the free peep shows of sin at the core of our hearts and minds. Even now I can hear her whispering in my ear and even now as my tainted blood pumps through my body I feel her seductive pull that is peace. To become numb, both physically and emotionally.

We live in a world that sucks the very life from you. To survive in a broken shell of a body. Abused by years of bad choices and horrible mistakes and often finding myself repeating many of them. Should be into my prime, when I feel I need a crutch just to manage through the day. Reaching my limit of self centered narcissistic egotistical sadistic people who only see me as some bump in their way. It is disturbing that once regarded friends would only use me for money, cheap labor, or a glorified taxi service and those friends would become ghosts when I would find myself in need of a helping hand.

        The human emotion. A paradox that could drive a person to insanity. When negativity roots itself deep into your soul you are left but with few options and even fewer that look promising. It is in your darkest hour, battling your demons and hordes of beasts that want nothing more then to skin you alive, do you find your worth.

Left alone, and to your vices. Where when even the most extreme outlook can feel like it's your only lifeline. It is not always just about suicide being the worst remedy to depression. Sometimes the most tragic tale of a man's saga to survive is that he simply just gave up.

 

          The worst part is that reflection behind the mirror is truly not my own, rather a junkie hiding in a collapsing shell. That bitch of temptation did her job well. Having me strung out and left for dead on more then one occasion. She believed I was indeed broken, having gave up like my eyes told the world. I had lost everything that was beautiful and was thrown to the darkness to believe the lie that love was dead and gone. All I saw was pain and suffering, lies and assholes. Monsters and ugly beasts living in paradise. There was once a time when I would pray for madness. An escape from the brutality of the darkness. I am no great man, I am but a coward.

 

I feel as if death hovers over my shoulder

just out of eye sight. That eerie sensation

that you are slowly slipping away.

Knowing your losing grip on reality,

why continue to chase the demon?”

 

                        'The fallen shall be slain;

Forever to know pain and to the victors with a kiss. Sealed obedience and hear the whispers down the hall. They speak of how you will fall. Tripped by your own accord, a purchase you could never afford. Now bound by debt, you praise your slavery with regret. Just close your eyes, there goes just another star for you to idolize. When up is down you cannot feel around, how does the honest man survive?

          Face the mirror, face the demon within yourself. Taste the fear and destroy yourself. Sick and tired of circles, the idiots and bigots hypnotized by the sparkles. The meek can't afford to be weak, when the devil is standing at the peek and just think of the havoc he will wreak.

 

So now I stand before the gates, as the fallen have been slain.

My heart now hangs in shame. The honest man dies.

Ask yourself if the heavens cry out in sorrow,

would you feel the tears as they fell from the sky?

Walking with the blind, collectively empty, your soul left behind.'

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 19 'The mark of a coward'

 

There really isint much to say about this piece, Other than it does have a very specail meaning for me, I hope this piece helps a person better understand their own demons..

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 18

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Eighteen

'As The Echo Fades'

Part; 3

 

 

They call me insane,
squeeze the trigger and blow out my brain.
Does that make me crazy
I never see it through cause I am to damn lazy.
Lets all dance to the thriller,
label and brand the serial killer.
They call me a psycho
When its just the truth that I know.
I use the obscene for this show
aiming for that shock value,
It sure beats taking out my anger on you.”

 

              When I opened my eyes the room was dark. Hours had gone by as night crept in and a storm was brewing outside. Looking around I noticed my hospital room was empty. I was alone. Where was Lust and Desire? I slowly sat up in the bed. My bruises and broken bones were healed as were the bullet wounds. I sat there in a slight daze as I looked over my own body. My eyes trailed from my arms to the machines that would have been turned on if they had been connected to me. There were even no scars to be found.
The door to my room opened, creaking as it moved ever so slow. I turned my head and watched as a shadowy figure stepped into my room. He stopped just short of the light that came in the window from the moon. “Matthew.” I slowly tilted my head to the side. I knew what to expect by now but what name does this angel of death ride upon? Another doppelganger, just another demon that I will face that should be in my heart and mind not some manifested mutation. 

            Kicking my feet over the side of the bed. I turned facing the creature hiding within the shadows. It did not move, only spoke and in a soft voice. “You are not like the others.” I wanted to laugh at this delusional figure before me but there was something in his voice that caught me off guard. I slowly climbed down from the bed  my feet touched the cool smooth surface of the tiles on the floor. “and I have a feeling, you are not like the others as well.” I said as I tilted my head once again this time trying to focus on the shadows, trying to focus on him.
There was something different about this abomination, I watched as he glided into the moonlight. He did not even need to touch me to feel his presence. As he entered into the light I could see the monster in his true form. “Ego” My voice was weak.

       “So you do know me.” Again his voice was soft as he walked around the foot of the bed. I turned following his movement on just instinct. “What did you do with Lust and Desire” I asked nervously. He stopped in his tracks just short of the window leading outside. Watching the rain splash against the window, he turned his head slowly. I saw the wicked grin from the devil but his smile sent chills down my spine. I swear I even saw his eyes flash before my own. “Oh you don't need to concern yourself with them.” Was all he said as he turned his head back towards the window.
           I griped the railing of my hospital bed tight as I walked towards the foot of the bed, I let go when I ran out of support my entire being was being filled with anger, with fear. “It's hopeless. You know I will kill you before you make a move” He said as he turned around facing me. It was like he was reading my mind, as I just wanted to kill this thing before me.       
Ego raised his left hand up, his long hair went down past his shoulders. He was wearing an expensive suit, with a red tie. He snapped his fingers and at the same time there was a flash of lightening and the crash of thunder when I instantly realized there were two men standing beside me. They quickly grabbed me before I could do anything. I started kicking and struggling as they wrestled me back down onto the bed. Without hesitation they went to town strapping me down to the bed. First they strapped down my hands then my feet and to add insult they pressed down on my shoulders to keep me from struggling.

          Ego walked casually to the side of the bed. He sat down on the edge just next to one of the large guys holding me down. “Are you so delusional that you do not see what is going on here?” He said with a wicked smirk on his face. It took his verbal slap for me to begin putting together a few small details. For instance the large men were wearing white uniforms. These “orderlies” were restraining me as Ego reached into his pocket producing a small pouch. He grinned at me once more as he pulled his neatly folded napkin from his front pocket, unfolding it laying it out over my chest as he leaned in whispering.
I know you are a little slow. So let me help bring you up to speed. You see all of this?” He leaned back up pointing around the room before continuing. “It's of my creation. Everything you have been experiencing” Ego started laughing as he opened the pouch turning it over above the napkin dumping out several small neon green capsules.

        “You see, you are nothing without your ego, or your sin for that matter.” He reached down grabbing a handful of the pills. Holding them in his closed fist as he stared off into space for a moment as if deep in thought. He snapped back as he looked down at me into my eyes I could see the fire burning deep behind them. “But you, you are bound and determined to kill everyone of us, what did you call us?” He paused for a moment. “Abominations.” He burst out laughing again before going quiet and that is when I heard it, he flexed his muscles in his hand causing the capsules to rupture within his closed fist. His laughingly tone suddenly grew very serious when he looked me back in the eyes. “The only abomination is when a Soul refuses to accept it's own nature, that even in the conflict of duality, you need desire.” Using his free hand he grabbed my jaw forcing my mouth open as he held his closed fist above my mouth. Joy emanated from him as a smile formed across his face as he watched the green liquid drip from his fist down into my mouth. I closed my throat but once all the liquid had drained from his hand one of the orderlies quickly let go of my shoulder placing one hand over my mouth the other over my nose.
Suffocate or swallow, this was the choice I was reduced to. Ego was teaching me a lesson that deep down I already knew, only I refused to face. I gave in and swallowed, as before the effects were almost instantaneous. I quickly became lost within myself.

         My pupils contracted to the size of a pinhole. I could feel the chemical rushing my veins. My heart starts beating faster and faster. I shot up from the bed no longer strapped down, my arms were bound around me. I jumped from the bed to the floor, still dizzy from the drugs I lost my balance causing me to fall. I laid there struggling for a few minutes before my eyes begin focusing on my surroundings. I was laying where my doppelganger's dead body should be, but there was no corpse. I sat up leaning against the frame of the bed as I looked down at the straightjacket that bound my arms to my chest.
A few more minutes had passed, as I had managed to climb back into the bed sitting there just staring off into space trying to organize my thoughts. What was real? Did all that happen? I looked around the room once more. It was a different room, it was the same layout only smaller, and the walls were padded. There were no machines in this room, and one small outside window about a foot long and a foot wide.

        “It was all just a nightmare.” I sighed in relief when I heard a familiar voice from behind me. “What was?” I quickly shot around facing the now open door. Standing in the door way a young orderly was holding a clipboard her hair pulled back into a ponytail. “Desire?” I choked out as I tilted my head a bit, still trying my hardest to put together a puzzle that now only seems to fade the more and more I try and focus on it. “What?” She inquired as she walked into the room setting the clipboard on the bed. “How are we feeling this morning sweety?” She asked smiling at me as she began fiddling for her stethoscope. I could not find anything to reply, just stared at her blankly as she went about to checking my heart beat.
“What is your name?” I asked staring up at her, becoming intoxicated by her perfume. She looked at me as if I were playing a game and laughed. “You know my name hon, it's Anna.” Looking down once again at the straightjacket I nodded my head and softly responded “right.” her sensitive demeanor must have picked up on my vibrations as she responded. “You had a pretty nasty breakdown last night, but you will be okay dear I promise”    
I looked up into her eyes and saw a glimmer of hope behind them, as I let out another sigh. “So I am just crazy, guess it makes sense.”

 

I am starting to believe that karma
just might be the desperate mans cling to hope.
Where evidence is abundant to support this thought.
Simply open your eyes and tell me
if the assholes and whores don't get the upper hand.”

          I had sat on my bed for hours now just staring off into space, deep in thought. Remembering now only bits and pieces of what I had only thought transpired. Orderlies had came into my room a few hours ago to remove the straightjacket, saying I was “calmed” down enough that I did not need it, but it I were to have another “outbreak.” They would come back and sedate me putting it back on me. I did not care, my reality had been shattered.
         
It was starting to get late, as I had not moved from my spot on the bed. Plastic spoon in my hand as I played with the food on my tray that someone had brought to me since I refused their offers of going out into the common room. I simply had just wanted it all to end. The lights to my room went out as I looked up towards the door seeing another orderly standing there. “Lights out, bed time.” I heard another orderly shout from the hallway. Looking back down the tray was gone, had been for hours now as I laid down under the covers, on my back. Looking up at the ceiling I closed my eyes.

 

Sanity is overrated, becoming diluted by reality.
Ten second stars who would kill for the vanity.
With all of your twisted dogmas, corrupted morals
we enter into the age where your god is dead,
where every lie is the truth simply cause it's what they said”
 

Words of love, The words of passion
are forgotten on the page of romance.
Sold our souls we took the devil to the dance.
 

So much pain, So much suffering, a life of torment
becomes your prison cell, a living hell, filled with regret.
The misery never fades,
but there will always be the masquerade.”

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto chapter 18,
 Last and final part (3) of the short story "As the Echo Fades" and of course this is the rough draft, as it still needs to be cleaned up and polished. However this is the script so far. I am curious to what you think of the ending? or even possibly the whole short story? Hoenstly when I first started working on it, I was not sure of the direction that I wanted to go. However through the chaos of it I feel I delievered on the message buried under the insanity!! Once again I hope you enjoy.

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My ode to the soap opera

Folder: 
belief system

My ode to the soap opera

 

Originally created to sell soap

And now they steal souls

Hypnotising the populous

To think others lives exist

That are worse than us

 

Screaming, shouting too

The air is normally blue

Throw in a murder or two

Compared to your life?

How does it compare to you?

 

A catchy, established tune

Normally introduces you

Images of a fictional town

Soon starts the darkness

Actors with permanent frowns

 

definitely work of fiction

but some have an addiction

nothing but a life constriction

living another’s dream world

in life terms a contradiction

 

Commercial channels cramming

Materialisms advertising

Addiction lead to wallet resizing

this format got you gripped?

Needs a personal uprising

 

energy flows to your tv

when you stare; circuitry

rewired very covertly

why their called programs

to ensure your conformity

 

in a system that shouldn’t be

we should all be flying free

being controlled quietly

though nobody would admit

this, it surely be

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Inner self

Im short
9 days short
Pearnts come home
They Ague On why
on why im short
I Dont know why
My father turns to my mother
asks her have u taken them
She stands there in a shocked gaze on her face
a worrying look tells it all Tells it all
I realise why im short all the time now
I need them to do my everyday life habbits
I realie on them for school
I realie on them For Controlling myself
For every single thing i do
I need them
with out them im lost
lost in pitch black darkness
Last time I was stupid
it cost me friends
it cost me my Job
that right my job
My only sorce of money
I Did somthing stupid i didnt have them at all
4 weeks with out them Cost me soo much
mentally and physically
I gained weight
I suffered the depression
I suffered losing wat mattered to me
If only she didnt take them
I would still have a job
I wouldnt of done what i had done

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My medication for adhd and ODD

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 17

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Seventeen
'As The Echo Fades'
Part; 2

“Step into my shattered world.”

“Listen unto me the voice of chaos, wrecking havoc until all hope is lost. There is no salvation within the mind of the wicked, no redemption for the sickest. Depravity seeps into our moral fiber, where the insanity of it all is the poison to the cure.”

Smoke rose from the revolver as I held it. Standing to my feet I looked down at the lifeless corpse of my twin then towards the empty gun as I tossed it in Sin's lap. I was just about to turn and leave when I stopped once more looking down at the china tray on the table. “What the hell.” I thought as I reached down grabbing a handful of those neon green capsules.

I was roaming the streets at night like a drug fueled junkie. Prowling the back alleyways and hoping fences, I was searching and scouring for answers. I turned a corner and there before me stood a giant beast as its glowing red eyes pierced my soul. I watched in awe as blood dripped from it's massive razor sharp teeth. Why was I not in fear? It charged at me, I heard the shot as the bullet buzzed right by my ear. Driven simply by reaction I jumped to the side as I watched the bullet land perfectly between the beast's eyes. It crashed towards the ground dead on impact as I stood to my feet once more. My eyes moved from the dead creature's body on down the dark alleyway. As if it were not cliche enough, steam rose from the grates that lead to the sewers. Not taking my eyes off the creepy alley I reached down into my pocket producing one of the capsules as I quickly tossed it in my mouth. That is when I heard the footsteps echoing off the buildings as I saw a shadow slowly moving towards me.

“Wash away your guilt with ignorance.
Genocide before your eyes yet still don't believe it.
I want to escape your madness,
preaching peace through war.
Your democracy forged, at the tip of your sword.”

'How far we have fallen from the land of paradise'. As the shadow moved closer I was able to make him out. Once again I was face to face with my own reflection. Only this one introduced himself as Greed. I laughed when I heard this of course as my doppelganger before me was wearing a black suit and tie. His sleek hair neatly combed back and tied off into a ponytail.

“That is a good one” I laughed as I reached into my pocket producing another pill and without a second thought, swallowed it. He simply smiled as he reached into his vest's inner pocket and before I realized what was happening he pulled out the same gun he used only moments before to kill the beast. Pointing it at me he squeezed the trigger with no hesitation. The bullet ripped through my shoulder causing me to fly back a good few feet landing directly on my back. I screamed by sheer reflex, as my body quickly began working on sending the pain impulses to my brain. Grabbing my shoulder I began putting pressure on the wound.
“You know what?” Greed had asked as he walked up towards me, tapping the barrel of the gun against his head. “That was a good one” This time he laughed as he pointed the gun down at me again and squeezed the trigger once more. A loud pop echoed once more throughout the buildings, this bullet tore through my left thigh. Instinctively I had reached down putting my hand over the bloody hole. “What the fuck man!” I shouted up at him as I watched him circle me now like a wolf. “Why.” Was all that I had managed to choke out before the pain seized my voice.
Greed finally stopped circling me, as he only smiled down at me. “Because I can?” He chuckled as he raised the gun once more taking aim, this time at my head.
I thought for sure I was a goner. He had me dead to rights, but luck was with me this night or was it? I had closed my eyes for my final seconds on this planet but when I heard the sounds of more footsteps running towards me I quickly opened my eyes just in time to see the end of a machete slice clean through the head of Greed. I inhaled sharply by the sudden change of events catching me off guard.

Greed's body collapsed to the ground as Lust stood behind him. She was wiping the blood from her machete with a rag as I looked up at her blankly. Shortly after that I remembered that I had been shot, not once but twice. I griped the wounds tight to try and keep the blood loss down. I was slipping in and out of consciousness as fragments of time passed by me. One second Desire was kneeling down over me, the next she was standing talking with Lust. I can remember being moved, lifted by them and someone else as I found myself in the back of a car.

“Don't worry love, we will get you to the hospital” I heard Desire's soft voice as I felt her hands holding rags to my wounds. “Should just let his stupid ass die in the streets.” A strange deep voice boomed over the roar of the car's engine. I was too distracted to care, as I fought with my own clothes reaching for my pocket. “My pocket” I had choked out while pointing at it. Desire calmly reached into my pocket pulling out a small neon green capsule. She held it between her thumb and finger as she looked down at me. “Do you really think now is a good time to be taking these?”

I reached up and snatched it out of her fingers quickly swallowing it as I laid back down in the back seat. “Don't you dare fucking lecture me, bitch.” Lust was having none of it. She slammed her foot down on the breaks as the car came to screeching halt. She turned around in her seat and proceeded to slap me hard across the face. The impact and the loss of blood combined with the pill had caused me to finally black out and lose consciousness. At the same time Lust was verbally lashing out at me for disrespecting her little sister.

'I was sure that this nightmare would be over by now. That I would wake back up in my own bed. As I would chalk it up to bad drugs and cheap horror movies. Had I lost my mind? Was I really just in a coma, in some hospital I never even heard of? That this reality is just an illusion from the another dream? I mean seriously who sees a walking and talking reflection of themselves? Not to mention some kind of giant ravenous wildebeest who just happens to be strolling through the city streets at night. I should have shot myself back at those strange apartments. Oh wait, I did. Only then to get shot by another clone. I am starting to notice a pattern trending, as these pills have me twisted.'

My eyes opened as I stared up at the hospital ceiling. I was numb, no pain. My arms covered by the blankets I slowly moved my hand from my side towards my thigh. I felt the bandage that was covering the bullet wound. It took a little while for my chemically sedated brain to put together that I was still delusional. I quickly shot up from the bed. Sitting there taking my time as I surveyed my surroundings. Lust and Desire were sitting by the window to my room that was next to the door. When I turned my head straight I noticed the television hanging in the corner, it was muted playing some cheesy sitcom.
“Good morning sunshine.” A strange voice boomed over the whispers and giggles of the women. I let out a soft sigh as I knew my 'peace' was over. The morphine pumping into my body is powerful but not as strong as I knew the let down of the figure behind this voice. Deep down I knew it was another clone, but who this time? Another emotion? Perhaps this time it's Humility or just maybe Gluttony. Yeah that would be appropriate.
“If you are wondering” He said as he slowly stood up from the chair that was hiding off in the shadows. “I am Envy” He spoke slowly walking towards me. Yup another doppelganger, wearing my face. He placed his hand on the railing of my bed as he walked, his fingers were covered in rings. Platinum, gold, gems, and obviously over compensating for something. He turned his head towards the girls. “Would you lovely ladies, give me and my friend here a moment?”

They looked at each other then back towards Envy. Giggling as they stood up and casually or more so flauntingly exited out the door, closing it behind them.
As soon as they left the room he turned his head back towards me only to see my hand lash out at him. I wrapped my fingers tightly around his skinny neck. My skinny neck. Doped out I still managed to find the strength to bring him down as he fell on my bed, giving me extra leverage over him as he choked and started struggling. “How many more of you motherfuckers am I going to have to kill!” I shouted at him. Fury behind my eyes as I just wanted to see this abomination dead.
He desperately lashed out, then reached over grabbing my thigh pressing his thumb deep into my wound causing the stitches to tear. I screamed out in pain that the morphine could not kill, as I instinctively let go of his neck reaching for my leg. Envy dropped like a sack of potatoes to the floor beside my bed as he gasped for air.
“I came to warn you dickhead!” he tried shouting out as he rubbed his neck still panting heavily. “There is someone big, on his way to see you.” He climbed to his feet using the bed as a prop. Once to his feet he decided to take the opportunity of having the advantage over me as he punched me hard in the jaw causing me to fly out of the bed landing on the floor myself.
Stretching as he made his way around the bed to where I was laying on the floor. “I was just gonna give you the message, and then be on my way.” I got on my right knee trying to keep pressure off my left, when he suddenly without warning kicked me hard in the gut causing me to flip over on my back. I held my shoulder as I grunted in pain.
“So what, now you decide to kick my ass?” Giving him a shitty grin to hide the fact that I was indeed scared. I had no tactical advantage here. Envy laughed as he climbed on top of me, grabbing the front of my hospital gown pulling me up closer to him. I could see his eyes clear as day now hallow and empty. He whispered into my ear before he proceeded to use my face as his punching bag. “What makes you so special to get the girls?” He stopped hitting me after about the tenth time. His fist was covered in my blood but it was what I did next that not only caught him off guard but myself as well. He did not know what to make of me when I started laughing at him.

“Why are you laughing?” He proceeded to shake me in his frustration. “You are beating the shit out of me because you are jealous that I have two smoking hot bitches at my side? You are a moron.” I chuckled as I turned my head to the side spitting out the blood that started pooling in my mouth then turning my head back towards my assailant. “Look you can have them if you think you can get them, I don't own them. Hell I am starting to think they are nothing but trouble anyway.” This actually pissed him off even more as he decided that my face was not messed up enough, he went to town once more. My eyes closed as I heard bones snapping in my ears and I could actually remember feeling the blood running down my ears.

It was quiet now. I had blacked out from the beating I had received. Hell have no fury like your own envy. I could hear footsteps and whispers around me. My eyes were swollen but I opened them. Everything was out of focus, blurry as I managed to see shadows and blobs. Two figures were pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed.
I groaned as I turned my head, the pain was almost unbearable. My eyes started focusing, I could make out the dead body of my alter ego. Envy laid headless on the floor as I heard Lust's voice break the still air. “Sleeping beauty wakes” They both made their way over to my bed each sitting on opposite sides of the bed. I could feel Desire's soft hands touching gently at my face. “Your handy work I take it Lust?” Turning my head just a bit towards the direction of the decapitated clone on the floor. “So you would rather me let him turn your face into ground hamburger?” She smirked as she stood up stretching. She grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair, she carefully stepped over the corpse. “I'm going to run down to the cafeteria, see if I can't get us anything to eat sis.” She walked over to her sister leaning down kissing her. It was when she held the kiss that threw off the first flag in my head. Lust disappeared out the door once again closing it behind her. When I heard the door lock the second red flag shot off. Much like before, I was locked in the room with Desire. Who like before wasted no time before she spun around and carefully climbed on top of me. Easing herself down, she carefully straddled me as to not bump the wounds. I could see the devil herself grinning down at me. What fate was I sealed to now?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 17 "As The Echo Fades"

Well I know in my first post, I said this was only a two part short story. I found while writing it however that was just not the case. The deeper I dove into this piece the more I was compelled to express. So I have decided to make this short story a three parter!! So stay tuned for the next installment of "As the echo fades"

hmmm I wonder though, how would someone even prolouge this short story its just full of craziness!! hahaha

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 16

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Sixteen
'As The Echo Fades'
Part; 1

“It's the bittersweet taste of defeat”

She gracefully walked towards me after entering into the room. She came bearing gifts. It was a peace offering from the fallout from the night before. She offered up a cocktail of tasty treats for me to take my pick from. Setting it before me, the china tray used to carry the rainbow platter. I swear it must have came straight from 'George Jung's' own private stash. She smiled coyly at me as she straightened her posture. Lust's eyes trailed up and down my body as I sat back in the chair. “If I had not known any better.” I thought as I glanced around the room catching a glimpse of Lust's little sister, Desire giving me a rather creepy wink.

As if this whole entire experience could not get any more strange. In walks Sin. Slowly he makes his way to the table taking a seat straight across from me. I am at a loss for words, my mind spinning with disbelief, unable to formulate a single coherent thought. Now sitting before me, like staring into a mirror was the very reflection of myself. He began to pick at the China tray sitting on the table. Sorting, separating, the goodies. It was a bad acid trip, yet I am the only one here who has not been taking from the candy jar. “How” would be the last rational thought to cross my mind this night.

My doppelganger looked up from the tray and in short simple words. 'Are you ready?' Identical to my own voice. All I could do to respond was slowly nod my head up and down. That is when he reached out towards me and in his fingers rested a small neon green capsule.
“Was I dead already?” As I took the pill from my clone before me. Once it was in my possession, Sin stood to his feet. Clapping his hands together, without warning causing me to jump in my seat.

I held the pill gently between my thumb and forefinger. Unsure of which bothered me the most, this strange cocktail in my hand or the fact I was seeing myself in a third person. “Had I lost my mind already?” I watched as Sin walked towards the women, leaning down to whisper into both Lust and Desire as they each started grinning.
“What the hell”. Was the thought to cross my mind as I chugged the neon green capsule down my gullet. 'We play the role of the fool' The affects were almost instant. My eye lids grew heavy, struggling to keep them open, to remain focused. It was then that I saw it {that void beyond my own eyes}.

I stirred about under the warm covers as sweat beaded down my face. The sheets were soaked as I shot up awake in a violent burst. As my eyes began to focus it was then that I had noticed Desire sitting on the edge of the bed. She was quiet, and she was ever so beautiful. It was that 'elusive' beauty she masterfully obtained. That dream you can feel only just cannot reach for, with a hint of innocents behind those cruel eyes.
“What had I taken”? I managed to choke out from the desert that was my mouth. Before she could reply the door of the bedroom bursts open as Lust storms in. Fury behind her eyes as she snatched up Desire from the bed. Jumping to my feet, I was quickly stopped by my doppelganger who happened to enter into the room behind Lust. Only since being this close I managed to make out a few differences. His face was aged far more than my own. The life or hope in my reflection's eyes was almost gone, a fading gleam. Was this me? Was this to be me? No rational thought could cross my mind.

Just as I was about to confront this 'Sin', the lights in the room flickered for a moment, seconds later they went out completely. It was then that I heard a strange voice whispering in my ear yet nobody was close enough to me, I felt no breath on my neck, no body close to my own. Just the whispers as I could not even make out what it was even saying. As the door opened once more revealing a little light, I followed as Sin, Lust, and Desire made their way out of the room, holding my head.


“I am not insane.”
“I am not insane.”
“I am not insane.”

“I am losing my fucking mind”.
Once out in the hallway, I quickly dashed for the emergency stairs and it happened just as I heard the girls call out my name. My footing gave way, the step itself shifted. Congealed by my own contact. Tumbling down the massive steps as each one reconfigured itself as I landed onto it. Finally hitting a small landing way, sliding to the wall causing me to stop.
Lust and Desire quickly ran towards me, checking to make sure I was not seriously injured. I struggled to remain conscious as the pain in my head grew worse and worse. Looking around trying to focus. My eyes locked in the eyes of Desire and for a split second, I had felt a sense of sadness. I laid my head back down on the cold floor waiting for the darkness to come, to wash over me. Deep down I felt like I deserved to meet my reaper.


~*~

I have dreamed, I have manifested.

“One. Click, Click.
Two. Click, Click.
Three. Click, Click, Snap!”

I wont beg for your forgiveness.
On my knees, I must have asked for this.
My suicidal mission, becoming my final inscription.

“Four. Five. Six.
Just. One. More. Click.
Then my reaper will no longer wait,
my soul he will get to take.
Death fills the air this night,
Playing in the shadows
of what is wrong, what is right.”
~*~

I woke in a small room. Different then the last. The moldy wallpaper was torn in several places. Patched over holes as few candles illuminated the dark corners of the room. Lust looked up from her book as she lounged in a cheap foldout chair. She was wearing a see through purple gown, a tease for it revealed more for the imagination then anything.
She stretched in the chair as she closed her book laying it over her stomach. Watching as the hem of her gown rose slowly up her smooth legs. She spun in her chair facing me, putting her hand between her legs as the palm of her hand placed firmly on the seat of the chair. I quickly blinked and focused back towards her eyes as she was now grinning at me. “Whats the matter my dear?” her voice was seductive, she was preying on my weakness.

“Did you hear the whispers?” My voice was a bit shaky as I watched her slowly sway her legs from side to side. She stopped only long enough to give me a weird look. “Here, these will help you relax.” She had handed me two more of those neon green capsules. Reaching around to the other side of the chair she grabbed a water bottle. Also handing it to me.
“What are these?” I asked as I rolled one of the capsules between my finger and thumb. Lust quietly laughed to herself as she slowly stood to her feet. Leaning in she softly whispered into my ear, feeling her warm breath on my neck as she spoke. “It my love, is whatever you wish it to be.” With that she stood back up, turning towards the door she gracefully made her way to it swaying her hips in the process. She stopped when she had made it to the door “I will send Desire up in a little bit to check on you.” Her voice was calm, and soothing yet it felt like she was hiding something. Turning around she disappeared out the door closing it behind her. Then I heard it, the deadbolt latched form the other side.

I laid down in the old bed, with sheets that seemed to have not been used in years. As I took note of the room once more, I noticed old pictures hanging from the walls. Taking a deep breath and placed both capsules on my tongue, closing my mouth I quickly swallowed. It did not take long before my eyes started to feel heavy. My body becoming more and more relaxed, I started drifting in and out of sleep. I could remember hearing the latch on the door being unlocked.

I heard the creaking of the door as it opened and closed. Then once more it was locked. I could not muster up the desire to get up and see who it was. I remember hearing the soft footsteps as they got closer and closer to my bed. I could also remember the scent of distant roses, only I could not find motivation to turn my head. I just laid there as she slowly climbed into bed with me. When her skin made contact with mine, it sent an electrical shock through my entire system. She carefully straddled me as I felt her warm breath on my lips.
As I opened my eyes, Desire had placed her lips to mine as she kissed me deeply. Feeling her tongue dance about with my own. Her hands found their way to my head as she entangled her fingers within my hair. Slowly she lifted herself up only come back down grinding herself into me and every second that passed the more I could not fight her charms, her seduction. I gave in as I reached up for her. I was going to set claim to Desire.
In my distraction I was not aware that Lust was standing off in the shadows, watching and plotting. What plan was she conjuring up? I would never know, for my thoughts and intentions were lost to that of Sin's.

When I woke from my groggy state I was not even sure exactly what had happened. My clothes were thrown about the small room and on the pillow next to my head laid a black rose. Desire had left me that night. No words were ever exchanged, just that rose as the black petals spoke the story itself.
I made my way to the main living room. There was no one, just another trashed room. In the middle of the room sat the table and two chairs, on the table rested the china tray and on the tray was a gun along with an assortment of different types of pills.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, I slowly reached out and picked up the gun staring at the narcotics on the tray. “Go on.” I jumped, startled from the sudden voice. Sitting straight across from me was none other than Sin. He was smiling, more like a wicked grin as he spoke again “Pull the trigger” He reached over towards the tray picking up a pill, popping it into his mouth. Chewing it with a smug grin as he continued “Go on, we both know it's what you want.”
Without thinking I lifted the gun, pointed it directly at Sin and pulled the trigger. “As the echo fades, I am left just to decay.”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock Chapter 16 "As the Echo Fades"

This is a Two part series, a creative short story based on a very sensitive topic for me. I have been battling a few addictions off and on for well over ten years and everytime I try and write about it or any "addiction" really for that matter weather it is just a poem or even a creative piece they all seem to fall short, I can never truly capture that muse and I fear I may never will for I find it extremly hard to glorify something so destructive. Anyway This is chapter 16, part two will be chapter 17 and I do hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think.

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