Addiction

I Am Your Razor

Folder: 
Emotional Poems

You bolt into the bathroom
To slash your wrist
You search for me
I can't be missed

Tears fall
You stand
I brush your skin
I take you to a land so fine, yet dangerous

Silver blade that twinkles so bright
Scarlet blood that feels so right

I will save you
I will destroy you
I will love killing you
I will give you life

But it is all up to you
To throw me one the ground
And walk away

There clearly is a better way

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem isn't quite finished yet, it still needs to be edited

View 13thmidnight's Full Portfolio

New Hope

POEM#9 NEW HOPE
ON A NEW STARTING LINE I HAVE BEEN PLACED SO VERSE BY VERSE I MUST RUN THIS NEW RACE, BY GOD’S GRACE ALONE I WILL SET MY PACE,
HUMBLE OBEDIENCE WILL BE MY GUIDE NOT MY OWN THINKING OR MY PRIDE, THE TWO HAVE FAILED ME BEFORE, AND LED ME STRAIGHT TO HELLS FRONT DOOR, A PLACE I WISH TO BE NO MORE,
HE HAS PROMISED MY LIFE HE WILL RESTORE, EVEN THOUGH I MAY SUFFER A LITTLE BIT MORE,
SO WITH BLIND TRUST AND PATIENCE I MUST RUN BEHIND GOD’S WORD WITH HIS SPIRIT RENEWING MY MIND,
MY ERRORS FORGIVEN THE BAD THINGS I’VE DONE WASHED AWAY BY THE BLOOD OF GOD’S ONLY SON, MY BODY BEGINNING TO HEAL ONCE AGAIN, A JOY AND HOPE EMERGING WITHIN,
THOUGH MY BRAINS GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO THINKING IN SIN, GOD’S WORD WILL SURELY KEEP IT THINKING FOR HIM,
I FIND MYSELF SMILING AND SAYING HELLO TO STANGERS, TO PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW,
EVERYDAY IS A CHALLENGE I’M STILL TEMPTED BY SIN, SO FROM DOWN ON MY KNEES I GIVE EACH TO HIM,
NOT THAT LONG AGO I WAS HOMELESS AND BEAT, BY A DEMON CALLED DRUGS I JUST WANDERED THE STREETS,
NOW I AM GRATFUL A NEW DAWN IS AT HAND AND I FACE EACH DAY AS THE LORD WOULD COMMAND, I AM BORN A NEW MAN.

View tomasaycaramba's Full Portfolio
tags:

Know This

POEM #6 KNOW THIS
LIFE HAS IT’S PHASES AND WHEN WE ARE HIGH THESE STEPS TO MATURITY JUST PASS US BY, SO WHEN WE GET SOBER WE AWAKE LEFT BEHIND CONFUSED IN A DARKNESS NOT UNLIKE THE BLIND,
NOW THAT YOUR FREE THIS YOU MUST KNOW THE DEVIL WILL FIGHT TO RECOVER YOUR SOUL SO TO YOUR BIBLE AND PRAYER DON’T EVER LET GO, SATAN IS CUNNING SO GIVE HIM NO SLACK HE WILL CONSTANTLY GET YOU TO KEEP LOOKING BACK IF YOU LET HIM REMIND YOU OF WHAT YOU ONCE WERE THROUGH THE GUILT AND THE SHAME HE’LL HAVE YOU FOR SURE,
ANOTHER LIE THAT HE’LL OFTEN TRY IS TO CONVINCE YOU IT’S TOO LATE THAT YOU’LL NEVER GET BY, DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT I’VE SAID IT BEFORE GIVE YOUR LIFE
TO JESUS HE WILL RESTORE,
SOME OF THE BIGGEST SINNERS OF ALL HAVE COME TO REPENTANCE AND ANSWERED GOD’S CALL THE GREATEST EXAMPLE THE APOSTLE PAUL,
THE FATHER IS WILLING TO FORGIVE US OUR SINS ACCEPTING CHRIST IS WHERE WE BEGIN,
DOUBT IS ANOTHER STUMBLING STONE THE DEVIL WILL USE TO KEEP YOU HIS OWN, IF SATAN CAN KEEP YOU FROM BELIEVING IN YOU, YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE IN ANYTHING YOU DO, TRUST IN THE LORD WITH YOUR HEART AND YOUR SOUL SO ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY YOUR SPIRIT WILL GROW.

View tomasaycaramba's Full Portfolio
tags:

Friends and drugs

POEM #2-----FRIENDS AND DRUGS
PILLS, MARAJUANA, SPEED, HEROIN AND COCAINE ALL THE BEST WAYS TO DESTROY YOUR BRAIN SLOWLY BUT SURELY YOU WIND UP INSANE.
IT’S JUST RECREATIONAL SO YOU SAY NOW YOU ARE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO A TIME WHEN YOU’LL NEED THEM EVERYDAY, I HOPE THAT YOUR READY TO LIE CHEAT AND STEAL OR BETRAY YOU OWN FAMILY JUST TO MAKE YOUR NEXT DEAL, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT SO AFTER AWHILE IT WILL BE SECOND NATURE YOU’LL DO IT ALL WITH A SMILE,
NOW PEOPLE START NOTICING SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT OF COARSE YOU DENY IT PERHAPS EVEN FIGHT AND WHEN THAT STOPS WORKING YOU TAKE TO FLIGHT, SO YOU ABANDON YOUR FAMILY AND MOVE IN WITH A FRIEND WHERE THE HOUSE IS A ROCKIN AND THE PARTY DON’T END. EVERYONES LISTENING TO ALL THAT YOU SAY WHEN ONE PAYS FOR THE DRUGS IT HAPPENS THAT WAY, NOW YOUR CRAVING A BURGER AND THE PARTY’S WOUND DOWN BUT YOUR BOOTS AND YOUR WALLET ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND, IT’S SO NICE TO HAVE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS AROUND, IT’S MONDAY YOUR LATE YOU MUST GET TO WORK FAST WHEN YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR SOMEONES SYPHONED YOUR GAS, OH WHAT A JOY ALL THESE NEW FRIENDS STICKING IT TO YOU RIGHT TO THE END. GET USEDTO LIVING WITHOUT ANY TRUST WHEN EVERYONES HIGH THAT’S JUST A MUST, EVEN IN MARRIAGE WITH DRUGS, THERES NO US. YOU DIDN’T PAY YOUR INSURANCE THEY’VE TOWED YOUR CAR SO YOU LOST YOUR JOB YOU CAN’T GET FAR, HOW DID THINGS GET THE WAY THEY ARE? YOUR FRIEND’S KICKED YOU OUT YOU GOT NO CASH YOU GOT NO CLOUT THAT’S WHAT DRUGS ARE ALL ABOUT. NOW YOUR LEFT WANDERING THE STREETS LOOKS LIKE THE DEVIL HAS YOU BEAT.

View tomasaycaramba's Full Portfolio
tags:

”Blank”

I clearly see your misguided love,
No dreams or aspirations to think of,
Please wont you just go away,
But here on my shoulder you stay,

So once again here I go,
Pain in my heart I try not to show,
So wont you just cut me some slack,
Deforming from your weight on my back,

Once again, now and then,
I calmly embrace the sin,

Repititions got the best of me,
The ending is where I began,

The reflection I see has some cracks,
The energy to move on that I lack,
Dont be mad if I dont hear what you say,
My soul is probably strung out anyway,

You see me holding these shards of glass,
Hoping that this pain will last,
What else do you want me to say?
Please, oh please pain dont go away,

Once again, now and then,
I calmly embrace the sin,

Repititions got the best of me,
The ending is where I began....

View grantrizmo2002's Full Portfolio
tags:

the choice

three decades ago and a couple of days I tried methampmetamine and it swept me away, if you would grant me oh lord that I could travel in time to go back to that day and perhaps change my mind would you be so kind? I know that the answer to that prayer is no, but the lord has an answer to his Word I must go, Paul writes in first corinthians chapter three verse sixteen that my body is God's temple and I must keep it clean, In this I have failed and defiled God's home to become like an orphan in the world all alone, I've betrayed the almighty and I know I've done wrong my friends and my family all of them gone.... my nights are so long, The drug was my demon with it's dust I did sin like a dog eats it's vomit again and again, seek though I may my own strenth from within this sin is a battle that alone I can't win, All that remains is the shame and the pain, a broken up heart, a spirit torn apart, just a soul in the dark...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

one of 9 poems on my road to recovery

View tomasaycaramba's Full Portfolio
tags:

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 8

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Eight
'An Overdose to the heart'

Journal Note; March 10th 2012 2:30am
“How pathetic was my death going to be. I had survived by sheer luck. My life was forfeit many times before in the past. Drugs, car crashes, and even a train. Close calls that I could all recite. Here I was seconds away from asphyxiation and all that could go through my mind was. Will this truly be the way I go out? Choking on food and Irony can be had in the moments of blurred vision as there was no pain.”
------------------------

I see death, riding that pale horse. In the form of a pill. A soul that had been damaged. A sweet sacrifice, a slow release. With addiction becoming a burden, it would be a lie to say I have not gazed within the abyss and saw my own horror show.
A grotesque carnival where I had became the sideshow. Bare witness to my morbid display, of every damn dream I murdered. Watch as I sell my soul once more.

I digress, allow me to slow my thoughts and let you catch on. Imagine the world flooded and people drowning in liquid gold. Hypocrisy, their greed and their ego. Their addiction. Not all dependencies are that of drugs or gambling, their vice could be money, drinking, sex, work, and in my case a few but mainly writing. I know that through the twisted and demented words, like a labyrinth my art reaches a person's soul. I help shape minds and open doors in the back of their head.

The euphoria of knowing that for all the hours spent working on a piece, that in the end, in that moment I created a masterpiece that will forever remain for as long as the written word. The closest to perfection from the chaos that is my mind.
Becoming my little guilty pleasure, My sin to indulge. Through all my demons the nastiest of them all resides on the tip of my tongue. Relishing in the climax of the tragedy that befalls my lips. The hardest barrier of them all is to admit my own talent. That I, in some slightest way have a hint of skill behind my destructive behavior. For do not be fooled that is my life I so proudly write about. Every demon, every thought felt and heard a trillion times over. With no escape from the mad clowns, with their wicked smiles.

I will always write, I have found it has become the only way to quiet the storm pounding in my brain. Thoughts like lightening buzzing around in a brilliant but chaotic light show. So I give in, let the tidal wave wash over me and allow the addiction to grow, yet like any addiction there comes a time when it becomes too much. I've been down a similar path with my addiction to pharmaceuticals. A swift road that will either lead to death or drug intervention and ignorance truly is no excuse in the Russian roulette for your life.

If I am not careful the message will become lost somewhere within the paragraphs of my words. My salvation will be fraught with loss if I fail to capture the emotion behind the meaning. I had often thought that once I accomplished my goal, my dream to get published. That it would get easier, not sure what would have gotten easier now when I think back on it. Still as painful to pull up a sentence as it was ten years ago. Still feeling helpless and powerless as I pour my soul out onto the paper. Readers do not see the tears being suppressed back as you fight to get word onto the paper. They do not hear the war drums beating in your mind, your hands shaking as you try and capture that emotion into a word, and a word that preferably rhymes. With a desire to make it your own, you twist the words to fit the tempo as you create a powerful symphony a living testimony to your thoughts and desires, the joyful and the sorrow. You paint a picture to that moment in your life, forever capture by your own point of view. To share that would be up to you.

Let's get back to my roots,
scraping the scum from my boots
one line rhymes, played out a millions times
with a home run hitter, that leaves your taste bitter.

“I can taste the ecstasy of the addiction,
on my shoulder drooling in anticipation.
Yet in the madness I am the one sane
In the carnival of death, survival becomes the game”

Paint a picture, of the moment you wish to capture
hold tight and never let go
for tomorrow is not written, you never know
it might be your last night.
In death, the idea is to celebrate life.
The small miracles we all take for granted
where everyone believes I am just demented.
Fearing what they do not understand,
destroying what they cannot command.
Cannibalistic in nature.
Parasitic without a cure.
No conflict without opposition,
No contract without conversation,
and no destruction without creation.
As the circle of life spins, nobody wins.
Nobody gets behind, nobody jumps ahead
it is the game of life, we play until we are dead

“Everyone has tasted addiction in their life,
danced with sorrow and understands strife.
Everyone has struggled to understand their place
bartered sin to flesh to feel safe
in the arms of another.”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This of course is a rough draft of chapter 8 I'm not entirely sure of it myself.
What do you think?

View matthewwayne's Full Portfolio

Spiritual Failure

Folder: 
Christian Poems

What do you do with this demon inside?
Just waiting to strike every time that you sigh
When you’re sad or lonely, stressed or confused
When you’re angry or mad or feeling abused
When you feel good why go back to the bad?
When the bad makes you sad and makes everyone mad
Why make bad good when you know that it’s not
Why cover your tracks when you know you’ll get caught
Then by just one selfish decision
Your life is in shambles due to your addiction
You lied to God, to yourself, and others
The devil has trapped you again and you’re smothered
So how do you act and do what’s right?
Do you sit and pray, do you run or fight?
And how can you trust someone in power?
When it seems like they too, sin every hour
Now I just feel like everyone lies
Like they’re fake and phony and wear a disguise
And not only them, I feel like I am
I disobeyed God and I truly hurt Him
So why do we do what we don’t want to do?
When we claim that we’re Christians and that we’re brand new?
Our flesh and our spirit is in a war
We must constantly feed the one we love more
Well, I love God very much and I know it
But sometimes my actions in life don’t show it
The demon inside is named addiction
It’s coming to kill me that is my prediction
But if I keep God first in my path
Then I will dodge it’s evil wrath
But I’m just human like everyone else
I’m no better I need God’s help
I need it bad and this I admit
That without God, I ain’t shit
My conscience eats at me when I sin
I never can live this way again
Life or death is a choice we choose
I choose life so that I won’t lose
Just show me how and keep me close
Cause You’re the One that I love most
So God forgive me and dust me off
Find me again because I am lost

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Freestyle. Created in 10 minutes or less after a horrible encounter with sin.

Addiction

Folder: 
Volume Three

 

~*~
Addiction

 

 

These pills they got me twisted
follow me as I'm about to get wicked
Russian roulette at the tips of my fingers
In this mad circus there are only hell bringers
Run, run little man, run, run till you can no longer stand
chase your fix, to get your kicks, the illusion is the trick
Addiction, a mental prescription, an emotional subscription
a slave to the obsession, till your staring down the barrel of that gun
and in that moment you realized you never had won.

 

 

It's a bad trip in the making
hearts pounding, nerves shaking
as my reality starts breaking
The wall, coming in fast
as the rush never does last.

 

 

A sobering thought, the entire world will rot
standing at the pillars of the lost
our sins bartered at the ultimate cost.
A confession before the devil, your own mimic
A perfect copy, no gimmick
The surprise comes when it speaks.

 

 

“Man in their infinitely gift to love and hate
limitless possibilities bestowed to those who can create
often finds themselves favoring destruction and death
forcing themselves to live with a lifetime of regret.
So that the forests of sorrows, and the mountains of misery
shall remain their friends forever.”

 

 

It can become an addiction, to find perfection
to chase a star, the illusion to an endless war.


 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hmmm not sure about this one.

View matthewwayne's Full Portfolio