coward

Death

I cannot comprehend what death is.
I feel like a child not knowing.
Blackness, eyes shut forever, no thoughts, no love.
I picture death as a never ending slumber. 
Is there more than life and life after death. 
Do we have one long dream to live In Forever.
Or is this Man God a real fellow. 
Do we reincarnate, do we know what's next?
The fear of the unknown is my paralysis.
Death scares me, more than ever. 
I am young right now but who knows how long we have. 
I need stop worrying about death  
Stoping being a coward 
put a gun in my hand and live my final hour.

What We Can Be

 

Okay, time to set the record straight.

I'm aware I'm always filling the role of the “nice guy.”

I'm aware it always lands me in the “friend zone.”

And I'm aware I may regret this all in the end,

But I refuse to play the role of the douche trying to get laid.

So I'm just gonna be straightforward.

 

I really like you.

I wanted to ask you out,

But then our whole relationship could have just been that awkward moment when you rejected me.

 

Or...

We could just hang out.

Become friends.

Slowly get to know everything about each other.

Find out who we truly are.

Become incapable of imagining a life without our friendship.

 

Just hear me out.

See, I don't want you to reject me based solely on the fact that you're not attracted to me.

I want you to know who I am.

To know I exist.

I believe a good relationship can only come from a good friendship.

And I swear I can be the best friend you've ever had.

I can see it all know.

 

You'll call me late at night with all your problems.

Venting about that bitch you hate or that ass you used to date.

I'll just sit there and listen, take it all in.

Day after day, night after night.

And I won't even mind.

 

Slowly, in your head, you'll compare me to those jerks you used to date.

You'll realize how good I am for you.

That I understand you.

But you'll never bring it up.

And neither will I.

You won't want to risk our friendship.

But I'll be patient and wait.

Because you're worth it.

We will both truly value our friendship.

You may think a relationship would be awkward at first,

But slowly the idea will grow on you.

 

You'll come to realize you can always depend on me for anything.

You'll realize this kind of friendship only comes once in a life.

And then eventually the moment will come.

A day where you'll think you're alone.

Weak.

Hopeless.

But then you'll look to your side and standing there will be me.

And at that moment, It will only feel natural.

It will only feel right.

Yet at the same time, It will feel like you're opening your eyes for the first time.

And for me, I will feel the greatest wave of relief ever experienced by man.

 

At that moment, you and I will realize the true definition of love and finally feel what it's like to be happy.

I guarantee that when you say “I love you” to me,

It will be the first time you truly mean it.

Then life will feel at ease,

Our minds finally at peace.

 

So what do you say?

Will you be my friend?

 

- The Coward

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 19

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Nineteen

'The mark of a coward'

 

The devil will wait for me on the road of desolation,

at the crossroads of my weakness and obsessions.

Will these words become my final chapters?

As I walk head on into the den of vipers.”

 

           I am still here, still alive and kicking. Down but not out. I still have some fight left in me and a great man would stand and take that beating once again. Only I am no great man, as I just want to lay here until they are finished with their abuse.

Life is a challenge as we confront our demons that tempt us into the free peep shows of sin at the core of our hearts and minds. Even now I can hear her whispering in my ear and even now as my tainted blood pumps through my body I feel her seductive pull that is peace. To become numb, both physically and emotionally.

We live in a world that sucks the very life from you. To survive in a broken shell of a body. Abused by years of bad choices and horrible mistakes and often finding myself repeating many of them. Should be into my prime, when I feel I need a crutch just to manage through the day. Reaching my limit of self centered narcissistic egotistical sadistic people who only see me as some bump in their way. It is disturbing that once regarded friends would only use me for money, cheap labor, or a glorified taxi service and those friends would become ghosts when I would find myself in need of a helping hand.

        The human emotion. A paradox that could drive a person to insanity. When negativity roots itself deep into your soul you are left but with few options and even fewer that look promising. It is in your darkest hour, battling your demons and hordes of beasts that want nothing more then to skin you alive, do you find your worth.

Left alone, and to your vices. Where when even the most extreme outlook can feel like it's your only lifeline. It is not always just about suicide being the worst remedy to depression. Sometimes the most tragic tale of a man's saga to survive is that he simply just gave up.

 

          The worst part is that reflection behind the mirror is truly not my own, rather a junkie hiding in a collapsing shell. That bitch of temptation did her job well. Having me strung out and left for dead on more then one occasion. She believed I was indeed broken, having gave up like my eyes told the world. I had lost everything that was beautiful and was thrown to the darkness to believe the lie that love was dead and gone. All I saw was pain and suffering, lies and assholes. Monsters and ugly beasts living in paradise. There was once a time when I would pray for madness. An escape from the brutality of the darkness. I am no great man, I am but a coward.

 

I feel as if death hovers over my shoulder

just out of eye sight. That eerie sensation

that you are slowly slipping away.

Knowing your losing grip on reality,

why continue to chase the demon?”

 

                        'The fallen shall be slain;

Forever to know pain and to the victors with a kiss. Sealed obedience and hear the whispers down the hall. They speak of how you will fall. Tripped by your own accord, a purchase you could never afford. Now bound by debt, you praise your slavery with regret. Just close your eyes, there goes just another star for you to idolize. When up is down you cannot feel around, how does the honest man survive?

          Face the mirror, face the demon within yourself. Taste the fear and destroy yourself. Sick and tired of circles, the idiots and bigots hypnotized by the sparkles. The meek can't afford to be weak, when the devil is standing at the peek and just think of the havoc he will wreak.

 

So now I stand before the gates, as the fallen have been slain.

My heart now hangs in shame. The honest man dies.

Ask yourself if the heavens cry out in sorrow,

would you feel the tears as they fell from the sky?

Walking with the blind, collectively empty, your soul left behind.'

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 19 'The mark of a coward'

 

There really isint much to say about this piece, Other than it does have a very specail meaning for me, I hope this piece helps a person better understand their own demons..

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Just realized

Folder: 
NUMB

Just realized how valuable you are to me
I never admitted that I love you
Nor showed that I want you

I was mauled with my numbness
Killing every good thing I have
My emotions was low
That i couldnt even feel your kiss
Though,i want to.

I couldnt do a good poem now
No inspiration at all
My mind isnt working

I wonder what you think 
I wonder what you do
Am i still important to you?

I wonder where you go
I wonder whats goin on with your life
Am I still part of it?

Letter that comes from the heart
How can I do that?
Words that comes out in my mouth
How can I say that?

Just realized how you inspired me
Just felt how you made me mad
Just realized...

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tags:

high: on percocet and pride

Warm and comforted
But look through these eyes, deeper
See me dying on the inside
Would love to just try
Pressures bottled and builds, deeper I wish I could cry
But pride keeps me eternally fried

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Yeah if you don't like it try reading it without either of the ",deeper..." and if you still don't like it well...go fuck yourself and get off this website, or at least this specific part of it.

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