The bones landed on the cards. The Fool.
The Sun.
The Chariot to bring them around
in front of me
so my heartbeat would even out
and my hands would stop rivaling
the dry leaves clinging to the sleepy oaks
at the edge of my yard.
They stand against the November wind
sweeping in to usher out October.
Here’s the thing about fortunes:
their fraying corners are soft against your fingers.
In my dream a grave I see,
Open like a book,
To discover what lies within,
Warily I look!
Inside some bones lie,
That of a human being,
An erudite voice utters- “I am Coleridge”,
While I feel like leaving!
I faint and fall like a dead tree!
And the manly voice says- “You are free!”
I desired to open the graves for my love,
to gather the bones for an altar.
So I could serve my love in eternity,
and His Name would be preserved.
O Lord of Terror, hear me now,
I will do all in all for Thee.
My divine Father, Azathoth,
never leave Thy side.
Indeed I wished to honor Him,
with the bones from the graves,
To raise a gigantic totem,
which would reach in ye Hyades.
There's something beneath my bones.
A red spark after we talked on the phone.
Prone to it.
But I don't get it.
My mom can't escape this house even if she had a loan.
Spawned some rhymes and pwned everyone and everything I ever known.
Over these years I've grown and weakness is all I've shown.
Heard my sister groan in the back bedroom and heard some moans.
Her and Seth were fucking I suppose.
Yeah, that shits gross.
Overdosing won't work.
When I walk in school all I see is pork.
Pigs rolling around in mud.
I met this chick and picked around for a flower bud.
But all I got was a nose drenched in blood.
Oh crud.
Her boyfriend ended up being a stud.
My head flooded and I saw a hog with horns.
The rain continues to pour
I continue to be fucking mediocre and poor.
Thrown out my front door.
I've never been cared about before until I met her
and like a cat my soul began to purr.
I only graduated because my math teacher gave me a curve.
My best friend Willy ended up being a perv.
Ducked down on a 5 year old girl and whirled.
Met up with him in a mental hospital and that shit had me shrilled.
My step dad said I had a demon in me.
I'm starting to believe it
because everything to me has me peeved.
When I was younger I looked up to Christopher Reeve.
Until I heard he became a cripple.
I started to feel like I couldn't achieve.
Until I saw Spider-Man and I gained the need to swing.
I've never cared about the bling but I've always wanted to sing.
Expressing myself is the only way to bring down the ding.
am I nothing but broken bones? is this beating heart nothing but a burden to myself & everyone I meet..?
as I walk through this valley alone..
the shadows become something i've well known.
your eyes, they magnetize.. the fear in my soul is screaming out "lies!"
where should I try to hide..?
the clouds hang above, as the river i'm crossing over continues to flow..
if I were to fall, would anyone ever know? slipping away from it all, even myself..
glancing at these hands, I wonder what would be different if I was somebody else..
this forest goes farther than the birds & the trees..
this grass grows taller than below our knees..
my fate is an open wound.. bleeding.. bruised.. cut & used..
where am I going..? what am I to do..?
too many questions within me.. are we all our own worst enemy..?
on the top of this hill, the sunrise & fall reminds me of Gods undying love..
every memory that follows behind is purpose-less..
how could you think you know me better than I know myself?
every word you spew is worthless..
dreams are like looking through stained glass..
all different shapes, colors, hues..
why would you want to watch them shatter.. how could it not matter!?
one thing to remember.. don't give your love away, for the sake of saving someone else...
path after path, turn upon turn.. we struggle, maybe learn..
I stare into space & wait.. for something, i'll never know exactly what...
ashes have become of these fantasies..
careful not to let the blood of the past stain what is of my today..
dancing around the casualties.. murder my misery.
shed a tear for everything that used to be & let it all blow far over me.
if only we could all perfectly mend these wounds..
fragilties of life, scars of death..
the last time you close your eyes... that very last breath..
black night sky with stars so electric..
fragrant & soothing, my boat keeps moving..
row, row, drift away..
feet in the dirt but i'm being pulled astray..
the current so strong & winds full force.
the ocean is taking it's course..
beneath the misty swamp, stirs disarray..
where Satan's children go to play..
one by one, two by two.. sinking to the bottom.
he's a theif, can't you tell..?
reeking of that evil smell..
naive indeed as you let him feed..
you act as if life has turned you to this bad seed..
fool, you did it to yourself...
why blame someone else?
& finally I jump in the river to drown..
reaching out for my savior, not because i'm in danger..
I need to be taken from this earth.. I smile because i'm hurt...
when my feet hit the river floor, i'll close my eyes, & open the doors..
a light shone through, my hope for God was true...
I embrace... soon free... this body was never me.
You were born to lose
As you sit upon your dead throne
Decay in your bones
This, the life you choose
You’re cursed
With your own disease
Eating yourself away
Die again every day
Can’t you let go (Never)
Let Go (Never)
Let Go (Never)
Never let go
Give up the fight
You’re dead inside
Can’t keep yourself alive
Do what is finally right
Let Him in
He stands and knocks
At your ruined gates
It’s not too late
Let go, He’ll catch you
Let go, He holds you now
Let go, He picks you up
Let go, you’ve had enough
Let go and take the jump
Fall into His arms
Rest secure from your fears
Because He’ll
Never (Never)
Let Go (Let Go)
Never (Never)
Never let go
I desired to open the graves for my love,
To gather the bones for an altar.
So I could serve my love in eternity,
And His name would be preserved.
O Lord of Terror, hear me now,
I will do all in all for Thee.
My divine love, Azag,
Never leave Thy side.
Indeed I wished to honor Him,
With the bones from the graves.
To raise a gigantic totem,
Which would reach in ye Hyades.
i've backed myself into the corner again.
i sit there likes it's the only place that ever felt like home.
my troubles replay on an infinite loop.
the more i change the more i end up here.
my hopes are washed away by my tears.
the fears harbor me and i hold them near.
i begged myself to let go of the past, but my chains are pure titanium!
faces and places lose their impact.
i can't remember what i forgot.
all the nonsense makes sense to me.
my thoughts form but never sink in.
i'm treading water but afraid to swim.
i want one person to accept as i am, but no one cares!
i laugh for no reason.
these up's and down's are my seasons.
i could convict my soul for high treason.
i handed out my heart like it's replaceable.
i keep getting angry at my disgraceful behavior, but i'm addicted to the danger!
fat and blame circle my bones like a vulture.
i can't continue to sustain this new me.
i feel my pounds creeping back onto me.
i can't say i'm eating out of misery because i'm so damn happy!
i fear this will come to a bad end, but i can't walk away from him.