spoken word art

Letters

If I could write a letter to my past,
There are so many things I would say

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
There are so many things I would ask

 

I would say “it'll get better, stay strong!”

And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “does it ever get better?”
And I would hope that it does

 

I would say “you're strong, you can hold the world on your shoulders!”
And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “did you make it through this?”
And I would hope the answer's yes

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I would only be able to lie

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I don't think I'd want a reply

 

We endured so much in the past,
Scraping by, clawing through the dust and into what we thought was sunlight

 

We'll have endured so much in the future,
And hopefully we'll have emerged in the moonlight

 

We suffered so much pain in the past,
But it feels like nothing but a sliver under our skin compared to now

 

We'll have suffered so much in the future,
That if we're still around I will truly be shocked

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't warn them

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I wouldn't ask for help

 

Because this pain is what makes us who we are,
This pain defines us,
It binds us and shackles us to our broken version of reality.

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't give help
I wouldn't warn them of the dangers to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very reality
Is all I have left.

 

And if I could write a letter to my future, I wouldn't ask for help,
I wouldn't ask for a heads-up or a warning of everything to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very life,
Will continue to antagonize my every breath,

Leading me to become someone beyond our imaginations.

 

If I could write a letter across time,
There wouldn't be much in it,
Because if there was,

Those letters wouldn't be addressed to me,
They'd be addressed to someone completely different,
Someone who hasn't suffered the pain that defines me.

 

I need that pain.
Without that pain, me wouldn't be me.

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I'm Not

I'm not.
The words I would always say to myself as an excuse.

I'm not.
The excuse that removes any sort of responsibility from me.

I'm not.
Not what? Not capable? Not worthy? Of course I am.

I'm not.
I have a soul strong enough to bend the world,
I have imagination to do anything I want,
The world is in my fingertips.
Of course I am.

I'm not.
But when my mind grips a hold and the nightmares of
Memories beyond that imagination of mine wash over me,
And all I can remember is how I felt when I held
Broken bones of the person who had saved me so many times over.

I'm not.
Not young? Not without pain? No.

I'm not.
But I can sure as hell still stand with this sky on my back and
Say to the world with pride “I am!”
Because what I'm not means nothing to me.
What I am not doesn't define me.
What I am is what shapes my soul,
And gives me the strength to move forward.

I'm not.
And at the same time,
I am.