friends

A Year Or So Ago

Folder: 
Personal

"It's been over a year. 

I realize, 

eyes playing about on dates

of the calender.

 

Suddenly thinking

back to a year before, 

days exactly 364.

So, less than a year, 

 

by hours. When the

lips that pressed were ours.

When our fingers intertwined, 

when we felt each others' bodies, 

 

souls, mind. 

So wrong, so forbidden, 

it felt right.

Written into passing,

 

the scripts and screenplay

of night-time stays, 

never staying until morning. 

Visits, 

 

door left unlocked, 

just in case.

Offered, often heard, 

only once utilized. 

 

She always said she would. 

 

Eventually. 

She did, 

softly cooing my name, 

pulling me out of my slumber, 

 

and instantly hopping into my bed, 

my arms, pulling her close. 

My warm bare skin

 

juxtaposed to her cold clothing. 

We soon matched. 

There was no lack

of mutual attraction, 

 

no shortage of constant communication, 

trips, adventures, 

ridiculous confessions 

and straight-forward denial. 

 

I denied I did wrong, 

to myself. 

Who knows how she felt.

All I know 

 

is that she felt good, 

she felt like home, 

like I belonged. 

Longing for her scent, 

 

I still remember

how it drove me wild.

Past-tense, 

as she liked to point out.

 

It's a lie, 

there is nothing passed. 

Though, once she asked

if she was hurting me.

 

I, misunderstanding, 

replied, 'why, no, 

it's my other shoulder 

that's broken.'

 

She grinned, 

leaning into my arms, 

'no,' she said, 

'this. Us.'

 

It hurt, 

seeing her dog I grew to adore

slowly separate us on the couch 

a year or so ago. 

 

It hurts still

thinking of some details. 

Fond memories, 

so vivid, full of her laughter. 

 

Haunted by scorn, 

the scorn of several people, 

over all that transpired. 

You'd think a year

 

would wash it all away, 

but nothing is past-tense. 

Hence, 

 

the dreams. 

Thoughts I can't deny, 

lying that they're gone.

They aren't.  

 

I was told it was trouble,  

I was warned. 

But still I got in her car, 

she got in mine. 

 

She's a phone call away;

I don't have the heart

to dial, 

knowing damn well

 

I'd immediately answer if she called. 

Does she read my poetry? 

Does she think of me?

Love me like I love her still? 

 

I should have not turned my cheek.

I should have came to her rescue 

against canine off-leash. 

But I didn't. 

 

And I wish I had.

Instead, all I have

is a book with edits, 

another that's a gift

 

belonging to her, 

one of her favorites. 

We even shared a quote, 

'Never lend a book.'

 

An act of affection instead, 

one of several.

She never said the words, 

but she gave me many gifts. 

 

It started with a cold can.

That's how she loved me.

I wish I had realized it

a year or so ago."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I was too scared to post for a long time. Funny how time heals. 

The Super Bowl Day Off

A group of friends were sitting on a lunch table during a break. “Hey do you guys have any plans for Sunday?” asked David, “Sunday?” replied Héctor, “I have class at 7:30 am on Mondays, I don’t go out on Sundays, I don´t think anyone does”, “We don´t have classes on Monday, it’s the Super Bowl day off, we should watch the game at my house” Luis said, “That sounds good but only you and Fer enjoy watching football” David replied, “We can also play beer pong and Hector and Fer can show us what they have learned from their boxing classes” said Rafa, “Sounds like we are going to watch two matches on Sunday” David said, “It would be better if I fight David and Fer fights Rafa before we fight each other” Héctor said, “Alright but go easy on us, we have never boxed before” Rafa said, “We won´t hurt you” Fer said.

Sunday came in and everyone was at Luis’s house, they went to get some beers and returned just in time to watch the beginning of the Super Bowl. By halftime they were already playing beer pong except Luis and Fer, they were in front of the TV talking about the game. “Now it´s time for some boxing” Luis said, “I’ll go first against David” Héctor replied. They put on their gloves and started the fight, it was a close one until Héctor gave David a punch to the liver and David gave up, he had drunk 4 beers before the fight and knew that the pain was going to be worse the morning after. “We´re next”, Fer said to Rafa. Fer was going all out on Rafa, Rafa just covered his head until he gave up as he saw that he couldn´t do anything. Now it was time for the big fight, Hector vs Fer, both looked very confident but drunk as well. The fight started and they interchanged punches with a few insults, the fight went on for a while with no clear winner, Fer got frustrated and started going all out on Héctor just like he did with Rafa, Héctor cornered himself and slipped with a cup that was on the floor and fell through the window, lucky for him they were at the basement and he landed on the backyard. Suddenly everything was quiet, the music and the sound from the TV stopped and everyone checked if he was ok, He said he was fine and as he tried to get up blood started to come out, he realized he had pieces of glass stuck in his torso, Luis was shocked and worried about what his parents were going to tell him. His parents were upstairs and they came down as soon as they heard the noise to see what happened, the window looked like it was taken from a horror movie. The parents called an ambulance while the others helped Héctor to lay on the couch, he looked pale. The ambulance shortly arrived and the medic cut off Héctor´s shirt so that he could get a better look at his wounds, Héctor suffered the most during that moment.

 

The medics got Héctor on the ambulance and Luis´s parents went with him, Luis and his friends stayed at the house since there wasn´t room for them, they were still shocked. Everyone went to their houses and visited Héctor at the hospital the next day. They bought him a shirt similar to the one he wore the day before. When they arrived Héctor was watching Spy Kids 3, that was the least worst thing that was on TV. His parents were also in the room, they were in Saltillo when they heard about the accident and had to cancel their vacation to stay with him at the hospital. “Hey, since you are here you don’t have to worry about your exams, not for now”, David said, “I’d prefer to have 3 exams at the same day than being in here doing nothing and watching Spy Kids 3, that is the worst Spy Kids movie, everyone knows it” Héctor replied, “Well at least we are here to watch it with you” David said. (699 words)

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home again

Home again

By JFarrell

 

The radio is the only sound

to hold back the crushing silence.

I’d call out,

But,

What’s the point?

Is it really worth the effort?

Just to hear my own voice back at me.

So, the radio plays,

LBC, a talk channel.

I’m not listening,

I’m taking comfort from the faceless voices,

Braver, than I, they speak out;

They are my company.

I am home, again, with my friends.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i always have lbc on

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You're not welcome here.

You came about a month ago looking to stay the night

You just wanted a place for your kids to rest their head and you’d be gone in the morning light

A month has come and gone but your still here

Three extra mouth's to feed and you drank all the beer

We didn't have much, We gave you all we could 

You took it all and then asked for more 

No please

No thank you

No offer to help with the bills

My mother is afraid to tell you there's the door

As you have a bad temper that we don't want to appear 

Your kids are rambunctious and rude 

They have broken the cross my dearly departed Nan keep in her room 

My mother is in tears 

She doesn’t know what to do

My younger sister's won't leave their room

My mother has told me to shut my mouth and don't be rude

But soon that won't be enough 

You may be rough and tough 

But so am I

One more wrong move will be enough.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Let me know about any spelling mistakes. 

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Karma for the Healing (day 178)

This is karma for the healing,

remembering to be proud of

everything I’ve learned to love,

remembering to be proud of

leaving someone behind when

they don’t choose this bond.

 

This is karma for the heartwrenching romantics,

knives in the sparks in his eyes,

ropes every time he talks to her like that.

 

But you cannot reverse me,

I will not take back the words that choose to plant their seeds outside my mouth

They’re heavy and hard to swallow

even when I build them on truth

 

A spoonful of sugar helps the lies go down

so I have opened this room myself and cemented the door

but the key locks love and we are all inmates-

I have learned to know this prison as a sanctuary.

 

This is karma for the healing,

knowing there will always be things in his head

my breath is too shallow

my voice too quick to steal seconds

my arms are too short

to reach.

 

This is karma for the healing,

remembering through the field of spikes in my chest

to be proud of everything I’ve learned to love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/21/17

A spoonful of sugar helps the lies go down

Friendship

Friendship can be fun

Friendship can be drab

Friendship can't be sad

Friendship must be glad

 

Together we laugh

Together we are angry

Together we cry

Together we are happy

 

I love when we're together

Playing cards wherever

Gossiping all over

In my shop forever

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A little thing for my friends :) I love being with them!

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Good Times

Folder: 
Haiku

These are the good times,

The days we will remember.

Never let them go.

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Courage : A Diary Entry

[If titles this long didn’t look stupid, I would title this… 

"I want to blame you for not loving me,

And that statement goes to every woman in my life who never believed in me."

Or

"I believed in you, when they told me don’t."]

 

Its been four whole days,

And you're still all that I think about,

Its overwhelming, the thought of you saying those things you typed out your mouth,

Im crying now,

I need a get away, calling haso, like baby get me out of town,

But I blew through thousands in my credit card account,

Fell back deep in an addiction many don’t know about,

And if they do, they squint their eyes in doubt,

They say, not you,

Not you,

Its not you…

 

Im salivating, how long are you gonna keep me waiting,

I told you I needed you, and you said not now, maybe later,

When we both know in your mind you're being creative,

Trying to force your feelings for me away,

But whenever you close your eyes you see my face,

Moaning for him, picturing me, but you are still confused of where you need to be...

 

Don’t you dare wish me well,

When your best wishes come from the same ditch where your daughter lays,

Don’t wish me well, my key is still under the mat for when you decide to stay,

Tug me softly, tell me this is the only way,

The only way, so don’t lose faith in me,

I cant let go, cant let go…

 

Paint my face white until the pink in my lips turn bright red and my smile upside down…

Tell them niggas, im alone, no one is around,

Tell them niggas, my spirit is in my knees, close to the ground,

Tell them niggas, before I get ate alive,

Tell them niggas, I want a chance at life…

 

Things are starting to overlap,

And im having dreams about deaths and bringing these folkz back to life,

The devil inside, haunting in life,

Grabbing my old bowl, packing tight,

My heart pumping blood, ready for flight,

My soul is inside out,

And ive lost control,

The woman I once loved sold her soul,

What about me turns all the women around me cold,

Is it a reflection of the ice in my bones,

The snow between my toes,

The shivers I get at home, when it aint even cold…

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The Poison Game

Folder: 
The Darkness

She froze me with her poison,

A needle to my brain

She spoke the words that stopped my heart

She played her toxic game

 

The wretched water that she drinks

Depletes her decent mind

Wrapped up in her own misery

A reality fostered by lies

 

Be not weak, for when she comes,

Her venom will consume

Your spirit 'til you have not much

You'll wallow in her doom