death

Papagayo

 

Musical accompaniment for poem :     https://soundcloud.com/beatnik-records/papagayo

 

 

 Ensenada afternoon Sidewalk bench 

Outside the Oxxo convienice store 

A neon city of clamor

 a writhing restless hustle

Voices all around me

A Degas style impressionistic reminiscent 

Of acid trip teeth grinding

2 Hispanic women in an old brown Buick

Argue over who’s turn it is to buy beer.

A man with sleek pleated pants 

“I’ve got girls”

“Follow me...I take you”

“Whatever you want”

“I’ve got eet”

“You wanta the cocaina?

He wouldn’t let me sketch him.

2 girls cross the street

Very young 

Dressed in the scent of sin

“Hey baby”

“I’ll show you good time”

The man with the pleated pants

Scolded her in Spanish 

Then coolly  tips his hat to me with a half grin.

“Come on, I take you”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the strange get stranger.

A re-occurring theme.

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Wayfarer

 

  Once a smoothed faced man

I , the one who may beacon with tendrils upon tendrils 

of Vast artificial contentment 

May become a wanton wanderlust searching upon searching 

The path has become part of us.

Ponderlust.

A wondrous derangement.

An engagement of planes upon trains from Strasbourg to Thames.

A suave Lothario flagrantly wears his gangrenous fougere.

A disheveled man, Long beard. Shoes worn affray.

High society Woman in gaudy bedazzle.

What do your shoes say?

Did you have a cinematic life?

Black and white?

Will you wind back the reels 

Of your 8mm 

Frame by frame 

Only to find you have been Alone, in a dark room

Nothing more than a spectator

Reduced to a Pair of staring eyes?


Author's Notes/Comments: 

From the road. Inspired by strange things in a strange world.

Death of Infatuation

Folder: 
Light and Dark

I've never seen an angel bleed

Till I stood with knife in hand

I've never seen a devil cry

Till I looked once through it's eyes

 

You were my drug

Long before I acclimated

Long before withdrawal

I needed you to survive

 

I can feel your eyes on my back

Can't you hear me?

I'm silent on the outside

But screaming on the inside

I'm soul-lost

I can't find who I am anymore

 

Maybe I'll be fine

Perhaps I will survive

But I just don't know if

I can outlast your memory

 

If I lose myself in drugs and dreams

Or fly away to places and things

To fill the gap you left behind

Consuming body, soul, and mind

 

But there is no need

To conjure dreams

When life comes

In such radiant colors

 

They say Pandora is to blame

Her curiosity brought us pain

And fear of darkness in the night

But there was hope in candle-light

 

From the dark, a light will shine

Before the day, the night has gone

And now we know it burns so fine

That is why it's called, breaking dawn.

 

And maybe, just maybe

That which dies gives birth to something new

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Needs a better title

Baseball Everywhere

Elvin and Leroy were baseball players
From the time they were six years old
And best friends since the early days
A million baseball stories to be told

Their entire lives had been consumed
By the game of baseball which they
Played together all through school
Then pro-Negro league as Blue Jays

Even in retirement baseball was key
Games at the ball park and on the t.v.
Indeed – it was a sad day when Elvin
Passed away from a cardio infraction

Poor Leroy was hurt and felt so alone
He had always had Elvin by his side
And now without – was totally thrown
Unable to handle that Elvin had died

Leroy missed Elvin so much that he
Kept talking to him – always his plea
“Please let me know how you’re doing
So I can quit all my silly brooding”

But nothing – no answer from Elvin
Until late one night – in the kitchen
Leroy was talking - asking his friend
For a message – some sign to be sent

Leroy was sitting at the table and
Heard Elvin so asked – “that you man”
Without hesitation the voice of Elvin
Clear as day – “It’s me – good friend”

Leroy was both shocked and ecstatic
He started talking and then did ask
About baseball in heaven – and Elvin
Said – “Leroy – it really is heaven”

“They got baseball everywhere and
You should see the fields and parks
Just like we used to dream and plan
And got beautiful lights after dark”

“That is wonderful news” – said Leroy
“Wonderful – is there any bad news”
Elvin began tentatively – “well old boy
There is some bad news I brought you”

“What bad news - Elvin ” – Leroy asked
“Tell me – whatever - be what it might “
So Leroy started slow then said it fast
“Elvin - you’re pitchin’ tomorrow night”

Death is my gift

Death is my gift!

Why did I  say this why is it true you seek to know

Life has been nothing but heartache and no happiness to show

My heart she is broken and is literally adrift

My life's been pain and sorrow so death is my gift

From when I was ten and was hurt beyond measure 

To my marriage I thought I would always treasure

Life has been nothing but cruel and nothing to uplift

I seek happiness and peace so death is my gift

And when my life is over and my time on Earth is done

I will smile a genuine smile that can't be undone

 I'll asend up to heaven and be ever so Swift

So you all will forever know why death was my gift!

             Zoey cup!

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Hope you all like it!

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Thoughts On Life and Mortality

The ancients declared that all is meaningless

A chasing after the wind

 

The modernists claim that nothing is real

A consuming, constant dream

 

So what shall we say on our mortality;

What should we surmise of our souls?

 

We've all been screaming what we want to hear

And yet the truth quietly whispers, drowning our voices

 

We pay our very souls to safely cross the river Styx

Only to find that we can't leave Charon without them

 

We give our all to gain what our hearts desire,

And realize that we have lost everything to gain nothing

 

What man can bring back one second of his life;

Yet time seems worthless without entertainment

 

We campaign to save our fellow man,

By placing funds in already full pockets

 

Humans are dimensional amphibians, living both spirit and body,

The ghost in the machine

 

How light a heart in love!

How heavy a heart in sorrow

 

The weight of a soul drags me down

But hope can keep me alight

 

We strive for goodness through deeds and laws,

But laws are not for good deeds, or good people

 

We cannot live long alone, and yet push others away,

Until we are left with only our “selves”

 

We push and strive to become better than ourselves

Yet we can only grow inside our own nature

 

At what point in our quest to become God

Did we convert into the devil instead?

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Last Climb One Last Time

Folder: 
Struggles

Each moment, struggling to swim,

The sun is over; the light dims,

My hands grasp the jagged rocks,

Familiar feeling of faint fury--

 

stuck in a loop

 

stuck in a loop.

 

Rest as the waves lap,

look up and see 

the climb ahead 

again

Memory serves anguish

knowing each climb has been

slow and when it seems over

 

the tide comes roaring in

 

to claim its victim back

to its dark blue depths

 

the cold is setting in 

and I'll climb again

 

The climb, easy now,

The top, close,

Fingertips reaching and 

desperation, sets in 

 

Navy blue screaming to

Bring back its body

 

a smile sweeps across

as salty water erupts

 

At least I know this is 

 

the last climb. 

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People only love the dead

What the hell is wrong with you? 

Before he was killed your insults acted as a drill 

He smiled and laughed and you acted as if he was a burden on your back 

You called him annoying, told him that he needed to shut up 

You hypocrite, you only care for the dead and give them sympathy 

You monster, you hated him because he was being himself 

You master of disguise, hiding behind a façade of tears 

All you did was hurt him, and now that he's not hurting, you finally love him 

This is the problem, you hate and can't love 

You bless the dead and curse the living livid 

You need to grow up and love people whilst they are still here 

Because now that he's gone, he may only remember his scars, the scars that you caused 

Now get out there and love while you still have time, love like losing love makes you lost 

Grow up, and learn to love, just as we were made to do, love and never lose hope, 

That's what the dead would like us to do, love the living while their still living life with us, 

Thank you, God bless 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

In loving memory af William, to protect the family and others involved, the last name isn't stated, bless you

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Decisions

Decisions... Life is completely cursed with crimson colored deeds and decisions determined by pretentious parents and peers who deem it necessary to nag at anything that's non-negotiable in the eyes of those narcissistic people that think thoughtful thoughts of themselves, all alone... Do our decisions really matter? Do they orchestrate the path of our life? Is it all one journey? do we really get a say in what goes on, and if we don't... Then what the hell's the point of being here. Of even going along with this so-called "ride that is life"? Is that why no matter how hard I try, I fail, no matter how quiet I try to make myself, I fail, no matter how much I try to get out of the way... I fail... Why? Why, why, why... That's the question isn't it? Even if I got an answer, I'll still act like a terrible two's toddler that drives their parents mad, I'll still get in the way and abuse the help that I cry for and whine for knowing that the only reason that they return, is because they pity on me. Why don't they just drop me, let me go and be free of the bondage that is the grief, anxiety, and mucilaginous traits that make me so unbearable? Just leave me alone, I want to be alone, don't they get that, don't you get that? But the thing is... I want to be alone with someone. I don't know why, but it's warm by the fire, and I guess I'm just too afraid to jump in, that it'll just burn me, but is that really a bad thing... But then, I think, if I jump all the way in, will I burn, or would I drown? Because who knows, I decided to do this to myself, and my decisions decided to do this to me, and I don't even know how it makes me feel... Maybe I like the way it feels, you know, the burn, the adrenaline rush that you get when you gasp for air when you rush towards the surface, wondering if you're going to make it or not... And I wonder if I ever will? And I wonder if it will be my decision? And I wonder why these damned decisions seem so important to me? Please... Help me understand, that's all that I ask, and it's all up to you. It's your decision, so hurry up and decide, time's almost up, quick, decide, the longer you take, the longer it hurts, so hurry up, and make up your mind, because I can't do it for you, what's taking you so long? Say something, please... Whelp, it's too late, it looks like no one cares to speak up, like I'm surprised by that, and while you took all of that time to think about how others will think of you, while you took all of that time to worry about your own profile and how you would look speaking out, I did it, I ended my problems... I ended my life, so if you had something to say, anything at all, it's too late, I already did it, the deed is indeed done, dead, I'm

sleeping alone in a bed of dirt, because you were afraid of opening your mouth while I was closing my book... You're a monster, and I love you, because that's what I'm supposed to do, love unconditionally, with my still, non-beating heart.

Thank you, and God bless

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Lengthy, older

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