Who am I kidding,

I knew who you were from the beginning,

Tell me how to feel about you now,

Now, that you're not with him,

Now, that you're still where I left you,

Back at home base,

Back where you told me you needed space,

Back where you told me to moan your name while I looked you in the face,

Tell me how you feel without me now,

Now, that you realize Im no longer around,

Now, tell me, tell me,

How do I think about you without suffocating,

Tell me how do I think about you without masturbating,

Tell me how do I talk to you and still relate,

Tell me how do I give you space,

I told you I hated you,

But all I wanted was your arms around me,

And now that im skating backwards,

Its getting slippery,

Im falling, wishing you'd come and get me...

Tell me how to feel you about you NOW!

Do I suffocate and let go?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Thanks Paramore

Take My Soul, To Take Her To You

When last scythe swept your needs away


And i sat right there


Tears on eyes to play


Saw you caught up i don't know where


And the shock struck through


A sudden bolt to saddened bones


Eyewittness to something i hate to prove


To relay starless news, a thing i begged against to lose.


Wailings in my head


Seek mouth as a key


Voice hoarse with hope a burning thread


Still my sore-shot eyes plead to see


Clear pattern.


A quickling path i trail to gold


A learning i could soul-learn


A wanting sheep to be lulled


I need to know


I need to know


Cause these long years i haven't known


Here i am through vigil night body, tired thrown






Respeak all the sins away


Washed in the blood, enough to fill the bay


Why can't i pay?


The last roots grown so deep chokheld my heart's breath to pain


Hold me while i stay.


Hope to feel my feet unumb


Run aside


Hear my lover's steps, her voice become undumb


Let go of my deepest pride


Take me now i beg thee


Break me down till i see


Shake me from hell, i seek her to be freed


Take her now


Take her now


I kneel, knees to pound


Take her now


I am broken and fallen down




Take her to shine


Please Please Please

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A Warm Place To Sleep

The Art Of Sight

And the earth wraps you up


And a final bit of quiet


And when midnight hunters shovel their prey


You just hope for a little more sleep

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Forever 27

For it is those who are forever 27 we cherish.
For it is those that are gone we wish,
were here, were loved
And those that are gone forever
will hold the key to the all knowing
It is for them we are wowing
For the insane are often the greats
For life has it's treats
for life is a mess
A random accident or not
It is here
and we are there.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another oldie

Unknown to me

Just as the novelist sat down

    to write
    to nourish
    to align himself
                straight-again with the ground;
another man was lying deep-down,
below the grass,
encased in the systems of stars

he had tasted his last breath.

His moments froze ~

      a small stream of pure water
      poured perfectly from above
      into crown through to roots,
      washed away the worries,
      the illnesses,
      the aches
that paused this man’s infinite progression.

Within mind
refreshed and courageous, 
he traveled far
into jungles of Memory,
there was no shock.
no despair nor confusion.
As these thoughts 
flew him through
on the magic carpet that they always were.

He was transormed——
into a guidesman, a dream,
a neon notion;
this realization shook every nerve 
in its unseen explosion.
He sought the truth,

it had always been slapping him right in the face.

In life
he went insane for perfection
day-dreaming his Earthly footprint to be
in backward ways.
But that work is now
As he and the new setting
his Named became Nameless

All melted into rhythm & roots.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

~ Written during a period of personal DMT use ~ Carmello Yello

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Verse 1:
Every breath you take,

I watch you slip

Further away into death.

Are you still measuring

The tears you've shed?


Maybe, you wake up

Drenched in sweat.

Is your conscience

Crawling on the floor?

Are you okay?
'Cause I understand.


Verse 2:
'Cause time ticks away

At every breath you take.

No one knows your story

Or why you're here.

You'd keep walking without

A road or a choice back.


You are the one.

When I was wandering

Between life and death,

You held out your hands for me.


Do you have scars?

Do you have wounds?

Are you counting the breaths you take?

You are the one.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspired by the Korean Hip-Hop song: "One" by Epik High.

Death? Bring it On!

by DaddyO

Here we are with the dark cloud of death once again permeating the lives of many friends around me and I think it's time for me to respond.


Hell, why not take on another unwinnable battle, DaddyO?


Death, and especially unexpected death, serves us as a reminder that we must celebrate the lives of everyone around! Not at a later time when death forces us, but at this very moment!


When I said "I will be the only one who really wants to be at my funeral who won't be there", I was being serious. Sure my lifeless corpse may lay in state, but the life that once brought joy and provocation to a community of kinksters, and the cognizance that what I am doing to make this world a better place will have vanished.


The overwhelming joys along with the devastating pains of life will cease.

The straight line on an EKG tape is a good visual metaphor. No more ups, no more downs. Billy Joel once wrote in the song "Summer Highland Falls" that his life is either "sadness or euphoria." So if the ups and the downs are over, why are those around us sad? I am not calling for euphoria (though there are some of my enemies who undoubtedly will be euphoric at my passing) but at life's end, let us attempt to subdue the sadness and continue onward. If you are reading this, your life has gone on.


The funeral, wake, memorial -whatever ya want to call it- is NOT the ONLY time to celebrate one's existence. If someone is important to us, EVERYDAY is that time.


So yes, a loved one's death always changes what is going on within the story of our life. In everyday life, if we are a good person, there will be just too many good people surrounding us to adequately convey the honor and gratitude due to them while they are alive and with us. After all, we are busy enjoying the very wonderfulness that we would be giving them accolades for, right? Nonetheless, we must strive to do this.


Death is a brutal exclamation point that stops us mid-sentence, punctuates and redirects our future paragraphs, but also sobers us to the realization of the importance of celebrating one's life with them, here and now, while they are still alive and with us.



Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good. In very simple terms, a hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain). Ethical hedonism is the idea that all people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to them. It is also the idea that every person's pleasure should far surpass their amount of pain.


I am a hedonist, but my hedonism extends to to others. Pleasure may be the highest good, but I propose that ethical hedonism must also include the pleasuring of others along with it.


In our life's story, if we strive to make death a simple comma, it furthers our capacity to move forward ourselves in writing our own story.


When the harsh reality of death slaps us in the face it is a reminder that the only sequel is the one we reveal by passing on our loved one's legacy.


The magic of love and life is a true miracle made of indescribable words and phrases. The realness of death is the final page for our loved one. And, like any well bound book, usually two blank pages follow. Use these to create their epitaph and secure their legacy. It may not even be words you use.

Pictures, scribbles and even folds and tears might be apropos. Certainly you've heard the phrase "everyone grieves differently." Just remember when doing so, to uplift the world around you with your tribute.


Sometimes a real evil asshole will leave our midst. We share in the responsibility to celebrate the end to their archetype too, Study them as intently. Do not celebrate their lives but celebrate instead the transition of our present culture to a more enlightened understanding. Celebrate the positive assertion of pleasure the entire world experiences because of their demise.

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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"Two Friends"


by Jeph Johnson


Two friends in two days died

One from cancer, one suicide
Yesterday and one today
Each of them a different way
To manifest these tragedies
One ravaged physically
The other haunted mentally
But neither succumbed spiritually
For living on eternally
Each of them a different way
Are in our thoughts and memories

Author's Notes/Comments: 

for Colleen and Andrew, 2016 

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"Death of Dad"

by Jeph Johnson


My father died
In the arms of my lover;
Something I
Will never do.
But when I die,
If not alone,
It'll be in the arms
Of a lover who
Just won't be her.
It'll likely be
Someone else's
Lover too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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