death

An Armchair Theologian

I believe! I Believe! Lord, help my unbelief

I believe, I believe, my constant motif

I believe but don't grow

And my faith doesn't show

Because I can't be bothered to “do”

 

I know faith is given, not earned

Yet here I sit unconcerned 

I'm given to resting 

When I should be testing

To see that my faith is real

 

“You shall know them by their fruits”

But seeds planted on stones don't have roots

My apathy grows

So nobody knows

That I don't follow what I believe

 

The path down below is a slope

So gradual and smooth that you hope

It stays just the same

Like a current so tame

But leads to a waterfall

 

I'm not living, or learning

I'm sitting and burning

Lord I want to live

But not if I give

My time or my life

My comfort for strife

Is there an easier way?

 

You said believe and I shall be clean

Believe, and come home again

But how can I start

If only my heart

Wasn't an armchair theologian

Arete

Hope is a candle in a sea of darkness, eagerly awaiting the sun. 

Trust is a drop of the purest water, in an ocean full of desert sand.

Loyalty is the assurance of your own two feet, that you will stand.

Love is a bubbling geyser; filling, and rushing to overflowing. 

Empathy is a mother's love, from someone that you don't know.

Peace is an ocean of glass-like water, that ripples of war cannot move.

Honesty is a pure wine, with no dregs to ruin the taste.

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Angelus Canticum

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Every single note was a song in itself

And every little breath was a melody

And I, a painful ripping squeal

That bellowed from inside of me

 

Her crimson lips had softly smiled

As she sang angelically 

But no more than a dissonant chord

Was the best that I could be

 

Oh, angel of the nightly song!

How wrapped in you I have become!

How can I go, and sing alone

Shouting like a falling drum

 

I can't forget your heavenly voice

That pierced the ever-present noise

Through sky and the pervasive smog

To me, whom naught but death employs. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost the will to keep working on it. It's sat on my desktop for weeks now and it's just time to post what there is.

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Southern Gothic

Folder: 
Tales and Fables

I can't tell where I'm going

Don't know where I've been

But I feel I'm moving quickly

And I guess that's all there is

 

I've gone round in my head

Side to side within

Reason had too much sense

Foolishness left me behind

Walking to a dirt-road crossroad

Guess I'll say hello

 

Whiskey from the heavens

Daniels in my veins

Traveling to hell on that southern gothic train

Baptized my humanity in the river

Left my soul with the morning star

Guess I've lost it all

 

They say that those with nothing left

Have nothing left to lose

Well hell, I'm far past that

With no future, and no past

Don't mess with me, son

Or my face will be your last

 

Whiskey's long gone now

But the moon's still shining bright

And there's heaven to gain

But hell to pay

The brass is still warm

But I'm cold as the grave

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Dramatic tunes

Dramatic tunes play in my mind

as I wait in bed for your replies

Took a trip, tried to listen to

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

But boy, I really should take note

that 1975 was never the year

that the internet was born 

then lives got weird

 

Dramatic tunes swirl in my mind

Nauseating and mesmerizing, all at once

I trace all the pieces I could find

to draw the image that may resemble you

and draft the letters I could think of

but never would I send to you

 

Dramatic tunes leech on my mind

Trying to design my last demise

The nothingness on their side,

churning violence all coincide

 

Dramatic tunes play in my mind 

As I wait for your replies 

The darkness would soon arrive

here and hear my last goodbye

The flock of crows are closing in

Floating just three feet above

But then I feel my eyes flinch

As the phone buzzed

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about the anxiety you have when you're not sure someone's still interested of you or not anymore. 

Existence

I lay in dark and dreaming sleep
While countless wars and ages passed
While lovers lost and children died
The cycle ran until, aghast 
I opened my eyes, so I should see 
And learn from this unending past
That life is short, though days are long
And that we were never meant to last.
 
I woke to noise and screaming life
But death was ever found to be
Within the dissonance of voice
Born in children, grown in me
I ran until I fell alone
But decease, like a fey banshee
Moved silently in my shadowed steps
With no intent to set me free
 
I dozed through my own middle life
I couldn't care to breathe or die
To see my friends or family
Would just admit that I'm alive
I felt like life would canter on
Meaningless, though I'd strive
To fight the caress of lover-death
To hope my wonder would revive
 
I slept tonight a wondrous sleep
Of moon and star and sunlit eyes
From my bed, I heard her creep
And then I found to my surprise
An angel of unending rest
With promises to mesmerize 
I gave her my own soul to reap
No more left to agonize 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I liked the first two lines enough to compose another poem

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Do not weep for me now

Do not weep for me now

For I am back in my mother’s arms

 

Do not morn another day

For I walk in peace

With those who have been waiting in the light

To share their everlasting love

 

Do not be saddened

For I have been blessed with your love

And carry it in my heart

To my new plain of existence

 

Do not be afraid

For I am a part of the light that shines down upon you

And brightens your way towards your future

 

Do not feel lonely

For I am the one who will watch over and protect you

Until we again walk hand in hand

To our eternal place of peace

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. God bless

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Caught in the Headlights

The sheer speed slices through the ensemble of snow and rain. Though, speed kills. Trucking along a highway, alone and abandoned. No other car on the road to make a makeshift companion. The sun is down, depressed, and distraught. The clouds cloud the sun like hands covering a crying face, the sun whimpers and the car slightly swerves out of place. The earth darkens as you squint out of a box. The headlights at maximum light, like speed in the snow, they cut through the night. Boredom and isolation reach you, like a rush of blood to the head. Stuck in your thoughts, as you barely look ahead. The roads are sheeted in ice, yet you truck on. The road narrows, becomes one lane. You peer through your rearview, out of instinct, hoping to busy your mind. Though, the car is silent, and your head is live. You think to yourself, what a terrible time to drive. You think to yourself, why am I alive? Wherever you are going, you ponder if you should arrive. You could just offroad into a snowbank, little chance you would survive. Speed kills. Yet, your hands stay at ten and two, and that little windshield you continue to peer through. The questions linger in the eerie silence. A cellular ring surprises you, though not enough to throw you off. You pick up the phone, and answer with ennui. The other side delivers noise to your ear, you listen and the sounds of the car on the road disappear. Your lethargic attitude soon fades away, as a radiant smile extends from ear to ear. As boredom washes away, so do the thoughts. Why even question your existence or possibly intervene, because a smile erases everything. The voice on the other line utters verbal caress, and the more they talk, they more you think less. You realize the desolate drive had you questioning away. In reality, you desire to live another day. The smile still radiates through sleet and snow, the sun still whimpers, but you feel warm. Happiness invades your personal space, and the drive you so detested, soon doesn't feel that way. The phone shuts, but the smile rests in place. So you hold steady, hand on ten, other hand moving back to two. Back in control of the wheel. Back in control of your thoughts. You truck along, the speed of your car still unchanged, and the lights on the car still beam through the lifeless night. But, before you know it, your caught in the headlights. The smile unchanging until your last breath departs, you would feel surprised but you just give it no mind. You think of the call, and the voice that made you smile so. If only you could've made it home through the storm, through the sun's melancholy. If only you could've seen the sun happy again. If only you could've reached that voice. Though, speed kills. The car up in flames, your body an icy red heap. Your soul exits, yet the smile stays, as your body lay caught in the headlights, that have now succumbed to the darkness of the night.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is more like an elongated poem, but tried to capture the moment the best I could.

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Free

If I want to die

then let me be

just say bye 

and set me free 

 

Crying on the floor

all alone, like you left me 

on all fours, your knees are sore 

just forget me... and let it be 

 

If I want to die 

then let me be

dont question why 

just say bye 

and set me free

 

Let me fly away, far away

far from here 

I, cannot stay

so let me lay, don’t you fear

 

If regret reappears 

wipe your face, from the tears 

dont you dwell on those years.


So, if I want to die

let me fly 

let me be 

just say bye

and set me free.

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