marriage

Doubt?

Folder: 
2011

Why did I doubt you?
Why did I think u were
Going the other way?

I really don’t know
All I really know is
How good it felt to
Hear that we were even

For my whoring ways
To you being with her

Now if we can get dad
To like you, even a small bit
Then we can officially
Be one, without a
Third wheel

I would seriously like that
To go public with our relationship
That will be the first move
Then later on down the line
We can start seriously
Talking about marriage

I would like that more
Than I can put into words
So I’ll just end this poem
On the note that I love Tom

~Chrystal
Written on
November 1, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written about Tom ___. All about our relatsonship, about where we are, and where we are going to be.

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Bind

Folder: 
Outside Looking In

I love you still,
against my true will.

Please do not be so unkind,
to place around my mouth a bind.

What makes you the majority rules?
That is made for the class A fools.

My soul is not beneath the ground,
Our consciousness was bred by the same round.

Marriage was meant for caring, lovers,
Not to be left and tossed aside, asunder, under your wicked covers.

Someone thinks it is okay to hang up the phone on others,
In their mind places them up higher, oh brother!

No! It means birthright dictates a cruelty streak,
Forgive the insincere, but sometimes, yes, my friend, you reek.

Let us run between the dry, withering trees, calling out thy name,
Marshland of communication, designed by our Lord is not a game.

Do not walk all over me anymore, tired of the sulky shore,
believe it or not, I shall not eat for hunger anymore.

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I'm going to tear your clothes off

You are extremely hot and we got married two days ago.
You make me so aroused and I'm going to tear off your clothes.
I just ripped off your blouse and your bra.
Your big perky breasts leave me in awe.
I just ripped off your skirt and your panties too.
I have something in my pants that will interest you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a fictional poem.

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Tortured Love

You say you'll change
But you never will
You hold my heart in torture
And I love you still

You beat and broke me
Forever I am yours
But you'll never hold me
I'll not open the doors

I'll always love your good side
But that does not mean you'll get in
That good side is fake
It will never win

You are just a fake
An illusion in my heart
Even all the promises
Can not make us unpart

I try to release you from my heart
But it will never work
I love that good side but
I'll keep in my hearts cork

You will never seep in again
My heart will have you
But never all of you
Having you is something I can't do

That good side of you that I hold so dear
Is forever gone and dead
Even though you're just the shell
I can't get you out of my head

You haunt me day and night
I dream of your torture
And it makes me wake in fright
But that good side I still adore

In the night you trick me
You coax me to yours arms
Then you slash my face
It's like you set off my alarms

I want to beleive you are true
But it's something unreal
My love has died
and his shell makes my heart still reel

The torture that you've done to me
Is something no one should feel
The rapes and beatings
The still feel so real

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is about my soon to be exhusband

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The Former in White

A friend had said that your name had changed,
but aloft as I am, I was sure I had dreamed.
But now that I've seen your face all alight,
I see that you still look so beautiful in white.
And it takes me back to such bygone days:
my lungs had been cleaner and my hands did not shake.
I had promised to cherish and you were at stake,
but I failed to deliver and I've paid for mistakes.
It's been such a time since we had spoken or seen,
but maybe it's better to leave still waters serene.
My presence is accounted by prints in the dirt,
but I'll keep to my quiet and this primitive hurt.
I'd reach out to say that I hope for your best,
but you're keeping me at the arm's length behest.
And it's my understanding that he's better than me,
just like the others have tended to be;
but I'm growing a skin made of stone and acceptance
of drugs and the falter that preludes a dependence.
And maybe with this, I'll stand to the matter,
like the crowning of pots all destined to shatter.
Or maybe with this, I'll learn not to blather
at the prospect of hurting over subjects so tattered -
eventually coming to realize the fault
in stalling my progress for a girl from the vault.
Maybe with this, I'll be happy for you,
if I wasn't already from mourning 'til new.
All I might need is a few given ages
to accept that your name has been erased from these pages.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Congratulations, Emily.

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Miss You

Folder: 
2011

Nallum I miss you

You are my beloved

The one to which

I will be wed

 

You will be my Hellren

And Shallan, to you, I will be

We will have many Nalas and Nallums

As soon as you come down, you shall see

 

But wait for you, I will

Even though right now, we can’t talk

You don’t have to worry about me,

From you, taking a long walk

 

I miss you so much it hurts

Yet I know you suffer too

But pain there will be

Until we next meet I will be blue

 

~Chrystal

Written on

March 20, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

  Another one written to Bri. Some definitions; male version Nallum - beloved, Hellren - husband; female version Nala - beloved Shellan - wife. 

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On Being Married

The one below was inspired by W.B. Yeats' poem "A Coat"-

Many thanks Mr. Yeats.

 

On Being Married

 

Remove this skin; this outer layer

It's binding and constricting at best

It's irksome and it's bothersome

It robs me of my rest-

I've searched and searched to no avail

To find true peace within

Constantly meeting with a wall

Painted bold with lies and sins

And is it you or you or him?

Faceless gazes look beyond

None to meet my eyes with truth

None to sing of Peace in song

Weighed upon my shoulders heavy

The trials of these moments lived

Bound beneath a life of errors

I wonder what there's left to give?

Perhaps a coat stitched with threads

Richly delicate in embroideries

Memories of my life thus far

Weighed down heavy with mythologies

I'd shirk it, just as I'd rid my skin

Be done with bindings and the ties

For a life of simple truths

Not calloused with blind lies

   

 

          

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Marriage

Folder: 
2011

I hope beyond hope and I pray

With all a non-believer can

That one day, somehow

Some man will take my hand

 

I don’t really care who he is

I just know that somewhere inside

I really wanted to have a ring

And someone whom I could confide

 

Was all this wishing

Somehow in vain?

Or do I still have a hope,

My demons will be slain

 

I believe with everything in me that

I truly could have a man

Who would even want to be mine?

Or do I have to have a re-plan?

 

I think that is the case at least this

Time. Could this be a weakness?

Because who am I to think

That I could live with happiness

 

Maybe I am doomed to die

All by my god damned self?

Or can I depend on you

And have you do it all by yourself

 

But I am just wishing and hoping

Towards a man I have yet to meet

But everything in me, wants this but I

Really don’t want to be alone in the street

 

~Chrystal

Written on

January 31, 2011 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written about my desire to be married. It was written to no one in particular, just for the fact that I want to be married.

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Guns

These Guns must be put down...

Firing Rounds is only pulling us under.

Bullet holes all around...

When it's war, there is no victims.

Convict me of a crime...

Too much time between us;

To throw it all behind.

My life deserves a Love;

Your Love is worth my life.

Put your weapon down;

And I'll do the same with mine.

We can't do this anymore.

Our Guns, two inches from the floor;

We kiss each other's lips...

Then jump right back into war.

Fight it out until she kills him;

Fight it out till she's imprisoned;

These Guns will continue breathing;

Till they run dry of ammunition...

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