Your Misses

2012 Creations

Without you ,
The nights seem so lonely,
The days drag on.
Without you,
I’m not at home,
My bed feels so foreign.

It feels so right,
Laying in your arms,
Feeling your warmth.
It feels wrong,
To say goodbye,
To watch you drive away.

Without you,
Going on feels impossible,
Life is unbearable.
Without you,
Waking up seems pointless,
Sleep is torture.

When you’re not around
I miss your laugh, your smile,
The way you hold me close
And kiss me
You longing, loving gaze
And gentle touch.
I miss laying with you,
And knowing everything
Will be alright.
I miss being
Your misses…

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Still married... but barely... holding on by a thread...

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Only With You


I have always been the type
That needed to be doing something
No matter what it was,
I always had to be doing something

So why is it then, when you are here
I don’t have that need anymore
I just need to touch you
I always need the physical contact

But this is only with you
Truthfully, I don’t know why it is
But I do I really, really do
But it is only with you

Nobody else that I’ve ever been with
Have I ever had this need, this desire
This want, to feel you within arms reach
I do; I really, really do

Maybe one of these days, I can stand
In front of my family and friends
Even God himself, and say those words
“I do”

Written on
December 5, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was another one about Tom ___. This one was written because I thought of how I am with him. Physicality every second of every moment he's here. There isn't a sexual tension, just my need to touch him. I can't help but think that the last four months have been a dream. I need to touch him because the touch makes it all the more real. It makes me believe that this isn't a dream.

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Why did I doubt you?
Why did I think u were
Going the other way?

I really don’t know
All I really know is
How good it felt to
Hear that we were even

For my whoring ways
To you being with her

Now if we can get dad
To like you, even a small bit
Then we can officially
Be one, without a
Third wheel

I would seriously like that
To go public with our relationship
That will be the first move
Then later on down the line
We can start seriously
Talking about marriage

I would like that more
Than I can put into words
So I’ll just end this poem
On the note that I love Tom

Written on
November 1, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written about Tom ___. All about our relatsonship, about where we are, and where we are going to be.

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Outside Looking In

I love you still,
against my true will.

Please do not be so unkind,
to place around my mouth a bind.

What makes you the majority rules?
That is made for the class A fools.

My soul is not beneath the ground,
Our consciousness was bred by the same round.

Marriage was meant for caring, lovers,
Not to be left and tossed aside, asunder, under your wicked covers.

Someone thinks it is okay to hang up the phone on others,
In their mind places them up higher, oh brother!

No! It means birthright dictates a cruelty streak,
Forgive the insincere, but sometimes, yes, my friend, you reek.

Let us run between the dry, withering trees, calling out thy name,
Marshland of communication, designed by our Lord is not a game.

Do not walk all over me anymore, tired of the sulky shore,
believe it or not, I shall not eat for hunger anymore.

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I'm going to tear your clothes off

You are extremely hot and we got married two days ago.
You make me so aroused and I'm going to tear off your clothes.
I just ripped off your blouse and your bra.
Your big perky breasts leave me in awe.
I just ripped off your skirt and your panties too.
I have something in my pants that will interest you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a fictional poem.

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Tortured Love

You say you'll change
But you never will
You hold my heart in torture
And I love you still

You beat and broke me
Forever I am yours
But you'll never hold me
I'll not open the doors

I'll always love your good side
But that does not mean you'll get in
That good side is fake
It will never win

You are just a fake
An illusion in my heart
Even all the promises
Can not make us unpart

I try to release you from my heart
But it will never work
I love that good side but
I'll keep in my hearts cork

You will never seep in again
My heart will have you
But never all of you
Having you is something I can't do

That good side of you that I hold so dear
Is forever gone and dead
Even though you're just the shell
I can't get you out of my head

You haunt me day and night
I dream of your torture
And it makes me wake in fright
But that good side I still adore

In the night you trick me
You coax me to yours arms
Then you slash my face
It's like you set off my alarms

I want to beleive you are true
But it's something unreal
My love has died
and his shell makes my heart still reel

The torture that you've done to me
Is something no one should feel
The rapes and beatings
The still feel so real

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is about my soon to be exhusband

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The Former in White

A friend had said that your name had changed,
but aloft as I am, I was sure I had dreamed.
But now that I've seen your face all alight,
I see that you still look so beautiful in white.
And it takes me back to such bygone days:
my lungs had been cleaner and my hands did not shake.
I had promised to cherish and you were at stake,
but I failed to deliver and I've paid for mistakes.
It's been such a time since we had spoken or seen,
but maybe it's better to leave still waters serene.
My presence is accounted by prints in the dirt,
but I'll keep to my quiet and this primitive hurt.
I'd reach out to say that I hope for your best,
but you're keeping me at the arm's length behest.
And it's my understanding that he's better than me,
just like the others have tended to be;
but I'm growing a skin made of stone and acceptance
of drugs and the falter that preludes a dependence.
And maybe with this, I'll stand to the matter,
like the crowning of pots all destined to shatter.
Or maybe with this, I'll learn not to blather
at the prospect of hurting over subjects so tattered -
eventually coming to realize the fault
in stalling my progress for a girl from the vault.
Maybe with this, I'll be happy for you,
if I wasn't already from mourning 'til new.
All I might need is a few given ages
to accept that your name has been erased from these pages.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Congratulations, Emily.

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Miss You


Nallum I miss you

You are my beloved

The one to which

I will be wed


You will be my Hellren

And Shallan, to you, I will be

We will have many Nalas and Nallums

As soon as you come down, you shall see


But wait for you, I will

Even though right now, we can’t talk

You don’t have to worry about me,

From you, taking a long walk


I miss you so much it hurts

Yet I know you suffer too

But pain there will be

Until we next meet I will be blue



Written on

March 20, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

  Another one written to Bri. Some definitions; male version Nallum - beloved, Hellren - husband; female version Nala - beloved Shellan - wife. 

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On Being Married

The one below was inspired by W.B. Yeats' poem "A Coat"-

Many thanks Mr. Yeats.


On Being Married


Remove this skin; this outer layer

It's binding and constricting at best

It's irksome and it's bothersome

It robs me of my rest-

I've searched and searched to no avail

To find true peace within

Constantly meeting with a wall

Painted bold with lies and sins

And is it you or you or him?

Faceless gazes look beyond

None to meet my eyes with truth

None to sing of Peace in song

Weighed upon my shoulders heavy

The trials of these moments lived

Bound beneath a life of errors

I wonder what there's left to give?

Perhaps a coat stitched with threads

Richly delicate in embroideries

Memories of my life thus far

Weighed down heavy with mythologies

I'd shirk it, just as I'd rid my skin

Be done with bindings and the ties

For a life of simple truths

Not calloused with blind lies




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