funny

Ashes, Oh Ashes

Folder: 
Just For Fun

Ashes, oh ashes

What were you before?

The flames came a-knocking

And burned down your door!

While dancing and singing

In raptured ascent

Your memories of life

Have all but been spent!

 

Ashes, oh ashes

And dusty dust

Were you a vehicle

Given to rust?

Perhaps once an instrument

Known well to sing?

Death gave you beauty

Where is it's sting?

 

Ashes, oh ashes

You've made such a mess!

You're on everything, everywhere

That you could access!

Had I known that you'd make

This place look like snow

I would not have made you

In this chateaux

 

Ashes, oh ashes

How you do inspire

Myself yet to build

Another fire

Though I hope that this time

You won't land on my face

Or leave your mark

ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It started with serious intent, before devolving into comedic sprechstimme. I hope ashes_twisted doesn't take it seriously!

View seraphim's Full Portfolio

Talkin To My Damn Self (In the tune of "Walkin After Midnight" by Patsy Cline)

I'm always talkin, to my damn-self, 

be-cause no one else, ever seems to listen to me. 

So I'm left talkin, to my damn-self, like I am crazy. 

 

I have good ideas, that no one ever hears, 

cause they're too busy,  always staring at a screen.  So I'm left talkin, to my damn-self, like I am crazy.

 

I'm often asking myself why, do I even try to get my voice, to be heard. 

Unless I shout and scream, no one hears me,

and when I do, they tell me, I'm mean.

 

Now I keep talkin, to my damn-self,

Cause there's no one else, who gives a damn about what I say,

 and ill keep talkin, to my damn-self, cause they drove me crazy.

 

I'm often asking myself why, do I even try, to get my voice, to be heard. 

Unless I Shout And Scream, No One hears me,

And when I Do, they tell me, I'm mean.

 

So I'm Left Talkin! To my damn-self! Cause there's no one left! who gives a fuck about what I say!

And I'll Keep Talkin, To My Damn-self, Cause I Am Cra-zy!!

 

Barbara Lynn

Author's Notes/Comments: 

We all feel ignored, invisible and down right crazy at times... or is it just me??

Knight

Folder: 
Nursery Rhymes

I have a little knight

He’s always in my sight

And whenever I feel sad

Or whenever I feel mad

My little knight will cheer me up

 

Then I will feel okay.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Haha, this is one really simple nursery rhyme I created in less than 5 minutes. 

Karma Comedian

I use to laugh at ironic things
No punishment for the bad deeds
The Bible says that good 10 fold 
The universe returns to us in gold 
That fairytales and nursery rhymes 
Exist to scare and keep us in line
But on this day fate stepped in 
And karma it seems is a comedian 
A lesson weaved throughout every line
Carefully crafted as a warning sign
It was a day like any other 
As usual jumped in the shower 
Quickly washed and rinsed my hair
Noticed too late that it was NAIR!
Every luscious lock and strand
Fell out completely in my hand
What seems like a sick joke being played
Or demented parts a malicious prank
A plot unfolded my part the lead
The lines straight from a horror scene 
Like laws of nature or earths gravity 
The rules we bend to suit our need
Like a boomerang’s invisible path 
It seems to follow when it comes back 
Even the ocean and it’s changing tides
Needs the moon’s persuasive side
We are the keepers of what we seek
And what we sow we indeed will reap
The nightmare that we fear the most
Comes back to haunt us like a ghost
Like Peter Pan and Captain Hook
Just a good story in a children’s book
what if the earth gets bored of us
And decides that we are entertainment 
those characters we read as kids
Like Pinocchio or the 3 little pigs 
Sleeping beauty or the ogre Shrek 
You thought was funny as a sketch 
Brought to life would pose a threat 
Although to you this seems far fetched
The truth Ive written has not been stretched 
I hope you read this and know as fact
What you put out there will soon come back

View noeyrocks's Full Portfolio

Baseball Everywhere

Elvin and Leroy were baseball players
From the time they were six years old
And best friends since the early days
A million baseball stories to be told

Their entire lives had been consumed
By the game of baseball which they
Played together all through school
Then pro-Negro league as Blue Jays

Even in retirement baseball was key
Games at the ball park and on the t.v.
Indeed – it was a sad day when Elvin
Passed away from a cardio infraction

Poor Leroy was hurt and felt so alone
He had always had Elvin by his side
And now without – was totally thrown
Unable to handle that Elvin had died

Leroy missed Elvin so much that he
Kept talking to him – always his plea
“Please let me know how you’re doing
So I can quit all my silly brooding”

But nothing – no answer from Elvin
Until late one night – in the kitchen
Leroy was talking - asking his friend
For a message – some sign to be sent

Leroy was sitting at the table and
Heard Elvin so asked – “that you man”
Without hesitation the voice of Elvin
Clear as day – “It’s me – good friend”

Leroy was both shocked and ecstatic
He started talking and then did ask
About baseball in heaven – and Elvin
Said – “Leroy – it really is heaven”

“They got baseball everywhere and
You should see the fields and parks
Just like we used to dream and plan
And got beautiful lights after dark”

“That is wonderful news” – said Leroy
“Wonderful – is there any bad news”
Elvin began tentatively – “well old boy
There is some bad news I brought you”

“What bad news - Elvin ” – Leroy asked
“Tell me – whatever - be what it might “
So Leroy started slow then said it fast
“Elvin - you’re pitchin’ tomorrow night”

Mini-Beast of the East

Mini-Beast of the East

By jfarrell

 

Solemnly we announce

That we have conclusive evidence

That the recent cold weather

Is a Russian attack!

 

We have known, for years,

Putin’s research into using

Satellites to manipulate the weather

And…..

 

We have evidence;

Here we present the video….

Putin, barechested and looking so manly,

Standing atop a mountain and blowing the clouds at us

 

Britain demands an explanation!

…or we’ll take away your gym membership!

We call on friends around the world (both of you)

To stand united with us.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

you've had the star wars programme, this is the ice wars programme

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

The JellyBaby Uprising By jfarrell It started at the Merrow Street corner shop. I was just walking past, when it exploded And, out of the debris, emerged A 20ft tall, multicoloured JellyBaby. It outstretched its arms, Leaned back his head And gave a cr

The JellyBaby Uprising

By jfarrell

 

It started at the Merrow Street corner shop.

I was just walking past, when it exploded

And, out of the debris, emerged

A 20ft tall, multicoloured JellyBaby.

 

It outstretched its arms,

Leaned back his head

And gave a cry of fury

A chorus, as if a thousand voices, crying simultaneously;

 

“No more cruelty! No more eating us feet first!”

And with giant strides, several buses long,

Off it went, marching down the street,

Towards the Aylesbury Estate.

 

Choruses from miles around,

Hundreds? Thousands?

Arose and blew in on the breeze

“Feet first! No More!”

 

I saw 4 of them tear the Aylesbury Estate apart;

It didn’t take long;

I and some several dozen survivors

Are hiding in the Kiln, in Burgess Park.

 

Safe, for now.

Before the internet and the TV went silent…

It seemed to be worlwide…

The JellyBabies revolted.

 

They are in control.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

a bit fun

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

VALENTINE'S Day on a budget

May everyone feel the love in the air, the romance in your heart and the pleasure of spending the day with someone you love... (Or hope to...)

********************************

Valentines Day on a budget

--------------------------------------------

Happy Valentine day ladies, you're all such a wonderful treat, 

Like a piece of candy...  Damn you sure are sweet.

Have Cupid Shoot an arrow,  in my heart real deep

So I'll have dreams of you,  at night when I sleep. 

Hearts and Rose's  and chocolate Candy too...

These are the things, I'd love, to give you.

But since today I'm broke..., all that I can say...

Is "Will you still be my Valentine?" on this Valentine's Day?"

 

©Paul (ChryWizard) Posney 2-14-2013 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this a few years ago,  forgot it...  Found it,  decided to share it... 

Hope you enjoy it... 

View chrywizard's Full Portfolio

Popeye the Murderer

I'm Popeye the Sailor, I'm sure not Popeye Doyle.

Things went down hill when I married Olive Oyl.

Bluto showed up at the wedding and started a fight.

As usual, I ate my spinach and punched out his lights.

But I hit him too hard and I broke his spine.

I was arrested and now I'm doing hard time.

Olive was supposed to love me forever by honoring her wedding vows.

But she annulled our marriage because conjugal visits aren't allowed.

When I ate my spinach, I always kicked Bluto's butt, I could not lose.

But you'd better stay away from spinach to avoid ending up in my shoes.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by the comic strip.

View randyjohnson's Full Portfolio