loss

Two Paths

Folder: 
Loss

When we met it was sparks,
Igniting inside something long lost.
Nothing did I feel come close to this,
Intense and utter joy.

Inseparable we were,
Form the first day.
I couldn't get enough of you,
In every single way.

I lived to be with you,
To make you happy and smile.
Because my heart melted,
When I felt your warmth.

We talked for hours,
About nothing and everything.
Just holding hands while slept,
Was all the comfort I needed.

Then it happened in such a horrible way,
It all stopped and went away.
I was lost, I was drowning,
In this void I now call life.

Where do I go, what do I do,
When all I want is just you.
I'd do anything, with no limits,
To get you back in my arms.

Lower and lower we kept falling,
further and further we drifted.
No matter the struggle and fight,
I couldn't get back to you.

You say you love me,
But you always push me away.
You say you want to be with me,
But you never even stay.

 

You say you want to share my life,
But only what you choose.
You say we're a team,
But I always seem to lose.

Why can't we just be happy,
With the lives that we have.
Two lives to share,
But I only see my half.

Stop fighting and let me in,
It'll be OK I swear.
You'll always be safe with me,
You have nothing to fear.

Why can't we just be happy,
With the lives that we have.
Two lives to share,
But I only see my half.

Now you're gone and I'm alone,
All I wanted was you in my home.
I can't stop, I don't know why.
It hurts not having you by my side.

But I must go on without you,
Keep trudging this road.
All the memories of happiness,
To help me bear this load.

Why can't we just be happy,
With the lives that we have.
Two lives to share,
But I only see my half.

We were meant to be together,
Grow old with each other.
Laughing and smiling, happy and loving,
You were the other half to my soul.

 

How does heart torn apart continue beating,
When all it wants to do is stop.
How does a soul continue living,
With only half to go on.

Why can't we just be happy,
The way we know how.
Why can't we have each other,
One life instead of two.

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I Miss You

Folder: 
Loss

I miss holding your hand

Our fingers intertwined

Fitting perfectly with mine

 

I miss sitting with you

staring into your soul, swimming in your eyes

Breaking down my walls of lies

 

I miss feeling you next to me

Always safe and secure

Our love was just so pure

 

I miss hearing your voice

Talking for hours all day

Not needing anything to say

 

I miss sharing my life with you

That feeling when the world dissolves

When I'm with you my love evolves

 

I miss at night laying down with you

Stress and fears melt away

Opening our hearts for happiness and love to stay

 

I miss your finger twitching

As you fall asleep in bed

Against my shoulder resting your head

 

I miss the way your faces shines

When you laugh and smile

Every time you see me you grin a mile

 

I miss the way you laugh

Contagious and uncontrollable

At the jokes I make, just so lovable

 

Most of all I miss knowing

That each day my life becomes more complete

Because it's you I come home to see.

breath

I don't know how I remain living when my life is so consumed by death.

Even breathing can become hard for me.

The intake and outpour of life in something that seems so natural.

It's automatic for me, but yet it seems like it must be hard.

How could something seemingly so simple be the indicator of life.

Is it really that hard to do?

To just keep breathing?

Why did you stop? Did it become to hard?

 

I know it's wrong to question why you and nobody else.

The car took your breath and life along with it as it tumbled across the road.

I can't help but miss you now. 

The life you led, your caring heart, and your brutal truth.

 

I miss you with every breath.

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tags:

timebomb

 

............

 

most often a walking, 

talking agglomerate 

of bipedal constriction,

incessantly longing

of some scintilla of solitude,

lost were the days of joyous tutelage,

entombed in his most recent 

nightmarish truth,

meandering among a 

stoic and weeping world 

of isolate, but recognised faces,

detached, collapsed, mangled,

crippled and torn 

into bits and pieces of rath

left from the scourges 

of love's albatross still in situ,

every sunset, no rest, 

but amassed density 

within each slumber

and every sunrise 

the burden expounded 

on his withering reserves,

no inkling or cue of enlightenment

knocked upon the doors

of his tortured existence,

and he never meant to unleash

his fury and beat

a four year old 

recently bereft 

of a mother like that,

but somehow,

he allowed himself

to justify it.

 

10:11 PM 7/21/2013 ©

 

.........

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the insidious nature of conditioned response.

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I Waited

I waited

I waited so long

Just to feel your lips

Attached to mine

 

I waited

I waited so long

To tell you
That I love you

To join you in this fight

 

I waited

I waited so long

And finally I know

You were worth the wait

Your beautiful eyes

They are just mine

And those tears you lost

Will be made up with kisses 

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changes

 

 

..................

 

every day, taking care of a parent,

day in, day out, becoming drudgery at times,

takes a lot of patience and energy, no doubt,

the caregiver healing too, 

as life gets rearraged, inside and out,

then the day dawns, and mom or dad passes,

life suddenly has open doors, 

seemingly by the masses,

how can something so full of challenges

leave you so empty?

no deliveries at the door, no call bells, it's eerie,

a void of uncertainty fills the home, and you can't see,

how your life, once so tethered down, doesn't now, seem free,

but this is the journey of how experiences leave seeds,

that live on long after you become familiar with any deeds,

new neural pathways, can assist new growth,

loss, even after mourning, brings more difficulties,

but it also can teach new ways to cope.

 

 

4:47 PM 7/10/201 ©

 

...........................

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about how doing new and never before done things can help after a loss of any kind.

Loss

they are confused,

they thought they knew me

and now they have to face they never did


the things they were not there for

i tried to tell them about

but loving people can often cause blindness


we love deeply

and because we love so deeply

we can hear another's story and shut them out


it happens fast

we do not even realize we do it

and it continues like a cancer in the blinding dark of love


the story goes in our ears

and moves like lightning through our minds

we are unaware of how to help


pain, anger, resentment, denial,

all stages of healing

and grief....


when someone we love is hurt

they are grieving a loss

and it is the same as grieving a death


without being present for these emotions

within ourselves,

we cannot be present for another's


without developing a healthy grieving manner

we can never be there to help 

another help themselves


so now, the pain of not knowing me

knowing i was alone

there comes denial


you were not alone!

(guilt)

god was there!

you asked for it!


blame god then

you always did like seeing him hang on that cross

but don't try to tell me it never happened



3:47 PM 7/5/2013


©



............

View nightlight1220's Full Portfolio

linger

Right now, as I sit in the garden of the little wood cottage on the lakeshore,

I can not help myself but think of how your face might look if you were here to watch,

as the solemn wind weaved in and out of the branches on the trees.

The leaves gently caressed the clouds in the sky

as they abided to the whims of the wind;


where ever it pushed them,

how it shaped them into vague outlines of circumstantial familiarities.

I can still feel you here,

though for the longest time I had thought this was because this place had become a part of you.

I had thought it had healed a certain broken-something within your soul with an antidote of accumulated youth,

and warm summer lakewater.

but now as i find myself here,

its as if the life around me thrives off the energy of you.

parts of your soul linger here; they are still the creaks in the floorboards of this little wood cottage.

they are the whispers in the waves that speak my name as they lap over the sandy shore.

I know now that you've not adopted parts of this place into you,

but had happened the very opposite.

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Just Checking In

I visited your grave today. It’s been a while, I’m sorry for that. It’s diffiuclt to do so. Memories are hard sometimes. Life has so many twists and turns and things are coming at you from every direction. Sometimes you don’t know what to do and you find solitude in places like a grave. What a great connection. I miss you. We had a long talk you and I. About the kids and why you had to die. I thought of you, tears streaming from my eyes. Happy thoughts of you made me cry. I’m glad I was able to know & love you. You weren’t perfect but you were beautiful. At times I need your direction and your smile, your way of showing affection. I miss you now that you are in another place.

I’ve learned about myself you know. Learned how to take the hard stuff and how to grow. How to find the good in the bad things, the happy in the sad things, the life in the lifeless things… in the things that are gone. Preserving what’s good by persevering through the hard times. How to smile when you don’t want to and how sometimes it seems to make most things feel all right.

 

Life is a beautiful struggle. I learned this from you. It tries to bend us and break us, mold us and make us but we decide whom we are and what we will be. The choice is ours and we have come so far. I will not break, there is too much at steak here. I choose an existence full of life. You know? Remembering is such a beautiful terrible gift at times. I prefer to find the beauty in it.

We are truly a part of all we have met and all of our experiences. We choose to live every day with purpose. We choose not to waste the time we have on this earth. Much of life is about attitude and choice. I want to feel it… all of it. The good and the bad, the happy and the sad, even the things that make me mad. Happiness I have found here. I’ve learned to love again, and live again.

I visited your grave today. It’s been a while, I’m sorry for that. I’ll try not to wait so long to check in. In my heart I carry you with me and you can rest peacefully knowing its all okay here.

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