beginnings

A New Hope

Folder: 
2018

I’m done with your dry kisses

that leave my sandpaper tongue

with nothing to say.

 

It has spent too much time crossing bridges

and not enough time looking down,

and now the river is rushing up to meet me

so I throw myself into her arms,

I throw my hands into

things that smell like memory.

 

I am speaking and listening

not just hearing my own mess break down.

And as we stand on the hills

with the white noise gone missing

the world is ours to see.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/3/18

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Why

Folder: 
2017

you were a shock once two eyes like glowing lights

i sit there turn the pen around you made me think twice

i cross my legs uncross my arms cross t’s and dot the i’s

i can’t say much i think too much i can never tell you why

 

why my hands are prone to tremble when you ask me once again

lean against me take my fingers lead them to your hair and then

i can’t make your words mean more than they ever have been

the fire burns at 4am i sit and know the day should end

 

so many early mornings i love and hate the sleepless nights

i sit there turn the pen around you made me think twice

i cross my legs uncross my arms cross t’s and dot the i’s

i still can’t say much think too much i can never tell you why

 

tell me to stay tell me your secrets i tell you you don’t want to know

but i stand there in a crowd and reach back to where you go

i can’t make the sun rise faster i can’t make him want you home

all i can do is blush and stay you don’t have to be alone

 

my mind is made up but my fingers draw outside the lines

i sit there type the words because you made me think twice

i cross my legs uncross my arms cross t’s and dot the i’s

i still can’t say much so i don’t think and finally tell you why

 

why i wait so long to reach for things and don’t trust what i say

why there’s a magnet in you i can’t seem to stay away

why all you need is one word and i melt and drown and stay

 

why i’m so lucky to be the one to keep you this way

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 12/21/17

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Bridge

A woman, beautifully poised

Between a lady and a girl,

Gently squeeled to a stop beside me,

On the bridge.

 

Interrupting my concentration on

My Sandwich,

I looked up quickly, confused,

And fell in love.

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Not the One

Folder: 
Prevailing

 

In the beginning I was lost,

 

I was confused.

 

Rusted in years of decay

 

With nothing to lose.

 

You came in like a lightning bolt

 

You struck me where I stood.

 

Didn’t know of what was looming.

 

I never know what I should.

 

 

 

Life is funny like that.

 

You know what you know when you know.

 

I needed to take the harsher road.

 

Needed to hit my lowest low,

 

And I was low.

 

 

 

I’ve been overcome and I’m on my knees.

 

Weary, miserable and shrieking with please.

 

Never knew what I needed,

 

Never knew what I needed,

 

Till right now.

 

 

 

That night was so right,

 

Not for you but for me.

 

Your tears ran

 

And I knew that I was free.

 

I remember the sound of the stairs,

 

As your feet smashed on every step.

 

The way the door slammed behind you.

 

And I how I closed my door of regrets.

 

 

 

I was trembling in my bed

 

I finally dared myself to stand.

 

I needed to take the harsher road

 

Needed to come up with my own plan

 

Oh, what a plan.

 

 

 

I’m not overcome and I’m not on my knees.

 

No longer weary, I’m smiling with ease.

 

Never knew what I needed,

 

Never knew what I needed,

 

Till right now.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The struggle of letting someone go to be the real you. People come and go in life as lessons.

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Memories of a Balloon

I am a popped balloon

I certainly was popped too soon

I’m deflated and sad, it’s really too bad

My lofty life is now in ruin

 

I feel so used and frankly abused

I’ve been twisted and pulled and shaped into things

Stretched to capacity and tied up with strings

Why couldn’t you have left me right there with my friend

Instead you propelled me to this dreadful end

 

Why do we fool ourselves that this is love

Perhaps it is the feeling of being high above

Looking down, bouncing around, on a cloud of air

Oh yes, oh yes, I remember being there

 

Again we allow ourselves to get pumped up, just to be deflated

But oh when I’m up... I feel so elated

I can do anything, anything, anything at all

I can even float gracefully during the fall

 

But when it’s all over and I’ve done everything

I hope I get recycled as an airplane wing

This way I can take to the sky once again

Soar high and free and remember back when…

 

 

original work by T ' Renee 4/1/14

Author's Notes/Comments: 

just for fun, a few minutes to kill...

 

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The beginning of the end

Through the rough times and the good times the laughter and the jeers

In the school system Deborah and I have worked for 35 years.

 

Today we begin another school year and this one we’re sure to remember

Why, you may ask is it not like the rest?  Because we retire at the end of September.

 

You see unlike the 35 others this one’s more difficult to comprehend

For this is not just another beginning...it’s the beginning of the end.

 

There’s a frantic kind of happy chaos that accompanies a new school year

It takes a while, OK sometimes never, for order to appear.

 

But this year, just as things settle down, in the twinkling of an eye

It will be the end of September and time to say goodbye.

 

Perhaps it will make everything more meaningful, more special than years past

Knowing that it is ending and this beginning will be our last

 

So as you head out in the world today here’s something I recommend

Treat today and every other day as the beginning of the end.

 

 

 

 

 

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changes

 

 

..................

 

every day, taking care of a parent,

day in, day out, becoming drudgery at times,

takes a lot of patience and energy, no doubt,

the caregiver healing too, 

as life gets rearraged, inside and out,

then the day dawns, and mom or dad passes,

life suddenly has open doors, 

seemingly by the masses,

how can something so full of challenges

leave you so empty?

no deliveries at the door, no call bells, it's eerie,

a void of uncertainty fills the home, and you can't see,

how your life, once so tethered down, doesn't now, seem free,

but this is the journey of how experiences leave seeds,

that live on long after you become familiar with any deeds,

new neural pathways, can assist new growth,

loss, even after mourning, brings more difficulties,

but it also can teach new ways to cope.

 

 

4:47 PM 7/10/201 ©

 

...........................

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about how doing new and never before done things can help after a loss of any kind.

Symptoms Of Impending Change

Every symptom speaks like the clouds that summon us,
Floating above, under the shining sun or not,
They tell of a tale unwritten,
Unheard, they advance upon us and try to reveal
The things we cannot imagine
Because of our beliefs about what is 'real',
We stifle life itself by the limits we create,
With delusions of our greatness, we suffocate,
Buying time through plastic containers and spreadsheets,
Stocking faith in bulletproof vests,
Weathermen on a boxed screen,
And 800 thread bedsheets,
And no pillow found upon the earth soft enough
To lie a mind to rest for the night from the fears that await,
We close our eyes and all we see...hate, and take a pill...
Subjugated to live by these things we create?
Or can a man be hurled upon an altar of beauty
Such as that which arises from love, the pulchritude and allurement
Of exquisite elegance, by his very soul?
Could he be torn from the shackles of earthly woes
And these likely shadows-to-be of despair?
Might he be manifest as the creature of gracious giving
That were meant for him?
As these symptoms of cataclysmic change
Are rapping upon the door of time and space,
The symptoms of a world now disgraced,
So superficial, devoid of all spiritual freedom,
Every thought ordered to a pigeonhole
Before a chance can hold a place for a hope,
What we have created guides our thoughts on a tightrope.
Can we break the barriers of the past

Through a boundless discipline of a kind,
And untwist the cords of a nightmarish collective mind,
Hear these symptoms of change speak in the freedom we find
With hearts that banish the fears created by thoughts confined?

 

 

 

12:21 AM 4/26/2013 ©

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NPC47qMJVg

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The ever present impending dooms and deluge of delusions that scratch at thoughts confined to a fettered reality.

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Dandelion Flurries

love unspoken, grows in deed,
inspires hope for all in need,
days and weeks,
they muddle through
the cracks
of time's substinance.

 

unheard lament
taps stealthily on the door
with discontent,
a memory lingering,
the crevices open
only to see the words unspoken.

 

bitterness cloaked
in a weak array
of what seems to be
endless decay,
a life missed, a goodbye kiss
never given, just thrown away.

 

cool breeze touches skin,
reaching down,
plucked a dandelion flurry,
love is like the wispy sound,
take a breath and blow it out,
bye bye flurries, erase the pout.

 

life, it can sweep you up in hurry,
when it leaves...sometimes there's worry.
it is hardly like nature
to feel love like this,
there must be something
that was missed.

 

5:24 PM 4/22/2013

Author's Notes/Comments: 

sometimes we have to say goodbye to love. if it hurts too much, it isn't love, but something else inside that feeds the pain within us. when it is loss from death, we mourn, but love should live on and eventually conquer the pain of the loss. if it lingers to violently and causes havoc in our lives, always seek the answers within to find out what was missed. pick up the pieces, start again. eventually love will give the grace and wisdom to see things through for the best and the greater good of all.

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