cope

For Your Ignorance

You decided yourself the idea of you and me, was not quite the reality you’d thought’d bring you harmony. Which might have been fair until you refused to give me the respect to be listened to, and express my antithesis.


Now you’ve left me stuck, self-reciting my sour-salty soliloquy. You tuned me out, showing the epitome of self-servient apathy.


You promised me, mind you had no intention to keep, that you’d still be a friend, until you said the drama’s too deep. It was a vessel you filled with full control and intent. You slithered away and then complained you were spent. You invented excuses and convinced yourself lies, of how I’m just as absurd as other desperate guys.


You made me a villain and issued me blame. Deluded yourself to think shouldn’t feel shame. And you expect me to float off and swallow a this pill that you thought might prescribe a sense that i’m the one who was

ill-mannered, ill-tempered, ill-willed, ill-advised to believe we could salvage the best of our times and harbor a new kind of relationship, where we’d grow apart fondly, with memories

clipped to our dashboards now facing separate directions. Yours, pointed to your fairy tale misconceptions. With your eye fixed on a perfect fairy tale life, glazed to subtle the flavor of inevitable strife.


You seem to forget, I got to know you a bit. Buried your nose in your so called “support” that would never

quit to praise your sadly distorted ambitions, and agree that my warnings were trespassing suspicions. But you never allowed them the transparency I saw, to gaze straight through your Disney princess façade.


Now you desperately grasp for validation with your newest unwitting vessel of self-inflation. You mold yourself hastily to fit in with his life. Tricking him to believe you’ll of course be his wife. When just like the dance you put me through, you’ll get tired and look for something else to do.


That poor young bastard has no clue that there is no way of really pleasing you. With your head in the clouds and expectations too high. You’ll ignorantly fly from him to the next guy.


One day you’ll burn out and PRAY begin to see, that if you’d just sat down and had listened to me. I’d have shown you a more realistic support, and stop racing away from the source of your short-

comings, consistently

fettered to your soul since you’re the cause of your own pain-soaked love letters.


But I owe you one tiny note of praise. Your timing in cutting me out of your days

aligned just the right way to set me up in a daze

with the new love I found, who’s a wonderful dame. If I weren’t so angry I’d spare you the phrase, “she puts you to shame.”


She’s understanding, secure, smart, supportive, thoughtful, and kind. She loving, goodnatured, even when in a bind. My gratitude to you is,

I never would have thought, that I’d find someone else who’s everything were not.

changes

 

 

..................

 

every day, taking care of a parent,

day in, day out, becoming drudgery at times,

takes a lot of patience and energy, no doubt,

the caregiver healing too, 

as life gets rearraged, inside and out,

then the day dawns, and mom or dad passes,

life suddenly has open doors, 

seemingly by the masses,

how can something so full of challenges

leave you so empty?

no deliveries at the door, no call bells, it's eerie,

a void of uncertainty fills the home, and you can't see,

how your life, once so tethered down, doesn't now, seem free,

but this is the journey of how experiences leave seeds,

that live on long after you become familiar with any deeds,

new neural pathways, can assist new growth,

loss, even after mourning, brings more difficulties,

but it also can teach new ways to cope.

 

 

4:47 PM 7/10/201 ©

 

...........................

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about how doing new and never before done things can help after a loss of any kind.

the pond is our labyrinth

And since these are the last days

I say to you

Though my heart rips to shreds at the thought

Though the world is determined to keep caving in

Though my body slammed on the carpet and wished to melt into the dirt

There is a new road ahead that longs to begin

And I can honestly say that the days before were the brightest

My heart grips at its tightest

Because I can’t bear to think of a road for myself that sometimes steers away

I know it’ll come back to you

But this is unreal

Now I understand how teachers feel

When their students move on

This is reality

I pull on my hood

The only tunnel where I can console myself

And I walk down the road I’ve seen since birth

And though every step I take leads me closer to the unavoidable change

I know I need to keep walking

That doesn’t mean that when I reach home I won’t collapse and explode

But what do you expect when you don’t even know what to expect because expectations lead to destruction of faith and hope?

I can’t forgive the forces of the world we call home for doing this

I can’t even confirm that where I am now is home

Because home is where your loves are

And if my loves are in my heart, always, that’s one thing

They’re always in the same place

But my heart cannot be home

Because I cannot see inside

And if I cannot see inside

Then I cannot see you

And that is why I cry.

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Dante's Flower

Fill in the spaces where emptiness lay,

And bring meaning to voids born a cold yesterday,

For each child that hungers for answers to why,

The twin towers fell down and brought hell from the sky.

Teach not of the hate that feeds more acts of war,

Just teach all of those things that we should have taught

more.

Teach ‘bout faith and humility, courage and hope,

This surley will help in their struggle to cope,

Teach them patience and how to plant many a seed,

In the hearts left so cold from this dastardly deed,

Try to balance the weight of material lust,

With these virtues long lost now decaying with rust.

As we try to rebuild what remains of this crime,

We will all learn so well how good things take much time,

And the gut-level honesty needed to heal,

May emerge from that pile of rubble and steel,

Through the passion that waves these flags red, white and

blue,

We hand down truths to babes much too late to undo,

But with willingness now to teach treasures of old,

They will understand all this confusion and mold

Better ways to live here so that peace will prevail,

With new "guns" of respect war won’t be up "for sale".

Things we hope for our children won’t just be things of

cash,

The real treasures of life won’t be buried in ash.

 

 

© 2002

 

Edited 2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Only love can banish vengeance.

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