loss

"Hurt Me"

Am I really here?
Please forgive me not,
Will the stain wash away?
Will the hate finally stop?

Will it all go away?
And put me on the throne?
Have you ever even cared?
Have you ever really known?

Has it ever crossed your mind?
Im still in this cage,
Stuck over in the corner,
Carefully put away,

I must have deserved it,
It all must be so true,
Hurt me so I can feel again,
Hurt me just like you.....

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Lost Time

Once, I lay down on the grass

And gazed up at the sky

And saw the face of one I loved

In memories, alive.

 

I closed my eyes and thought

Of all the things I'd done

The way I ran away from love

And hid behind a mask.

 

Now that you're gone,

There's nothing but

The times

We left behind...

 

And so, I look up at the clouds

And see the heavens smile.

While tears blur the world around me

I give a slight, faint smile too.

 

Because I know exactly why

The sun is shining down on me,

And all the memories and dreams

Of all the things 

                        That could have been.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

In memory of a loss

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THAT WAS IT.

That was it
the shit bit
where love ends
where promises are broken
where kisses freeze
on cheeks or lips.

 

That was it
the tough bit
where cancer creeps
spider like
or slithers through limbs
as snakes through grass
and you die.

 

That was it
the hard bit
where suffering outweighs
the scales of prayers
and the child cries
for a loss
up the tall stairs.

 

That was it
the crucifying bit
the nails hammered in
the cross of flesh and bones
the heart plundered
for feelings and sense
the last farewell
no recompense.

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Asterisk

I love* you

Lost

Why did you forgive* me?

Leave

I thought* it was wrong.

I knew

But I'm glad you're still here*

Gone

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes people want it to end. But still wonder why. Other times people don't know why they're forgiven. But are happy they are.

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VAL

Folder: 
Mental Health

 

 

VAL

 

A champion of the oppressed and disadvantaged.

Cheerful and kind words of advice for all.

Teaching and nursing were her advantage.

Val's love for caring and her concern for all.

 

Above all her ideas, creativity and inventivness.

Val's spontaneity and inclusiveness of all people.

Writing and poems were her creativness.

And so she encouraged many to kindle.

 

A collective of people and ideas her ideal.

Opinions sought and eagerly acted upon.

A mass project would be her appeal.

Poems and prose to depend on.

 

For Val was a friend to rely on when in need.

Val's love for her family to be admired.

To many, Val was a friend indeed.

From all at Mental Health Wellbeing; a fond farewell friend. 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

At the loss of a very good friend; some words of respect.

FEEL THE NEED.

And choir practice is over
and you and the others
leave by the vestry door
and look at the night sky

 

few stars
bright moon
and she says
wait a while

 

and so you wait
while the others
move off
towards the cars

 

or for the long walk
down the drive
from the church
and you see her there

 

in the moonlight
and she is standing
by one of the graves
and you go to her

 

and she draws you
to her and you kiss
and the warm lips
are on yours

 

and she has
her arms around you
and you smell
her scent

 

and feel her there
her body close
to yours
her hands touching

 

and her lips
and you touch her
and sense her
and it's as if

 

time has stopped
and nothing else
is in the world
except you and she

 

and the moonlight
and stars
and that slight wind
you sense

 

and her fingers
through your hair
and your hand
feeling along

 

her butt
and warmth
and no thoughts
no philosophy

 

no music
none of that stuff
just you and she there
and the kissing

 

and touching
and time moving
but you both unaware
that some other guy

 

would have her
and marry her
and that cancer
would take her off

 

into its deadly grasp
and there was moonlight
and stars
and lips

 

and kissing
and she saying
she loved you
and you saying words

 

that floated there
bird-like flapping
and her lips
soft as cotton

 

and her tongue
touching yours
entering
and sensing

 

and O boy
that was hot
and love
and only

 

in the dark hours
when her shadow
lingers nearby
do you see

 

that time
and feel
the need
to cry.

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Forever yours

And there she was.

A perfect combination of love, pain, beauty and ambition infused in a cascade of brilliance. Like a rabbit caught in a trap I fall for her, for her sky blue eyes, for her laugh that rings happiness, for her kindness that is seemingly endless.

And there she was.

Planets tremble and stars collide as we glance at one another, the very fabric of existence bending in agreement. Butterflies explode in my stomach, eager to escape and witness the angel that has descended into my life.

And there she was.

Our lips touch, my heart stops. With a jolt my life is sucked back into me, and I awake to a beautiful face synced in tune with mine. She smiles, the corner of her mouth curling against my cheek, a gesture of longing, of built up emotion seething from a perfect source.

And there she was.

Time slows as the smile transforms into a sad, inverted curve. I feel a tear drop onto my face, a single tear. My conscience wimpers at the thought that she will never love me, the thought that we are parallel lines, that will never meet, that we will never be.

And there she was.

At that moment my heart was sent to her, however broken it may be. I gave myself to her, to the demon that disguises itself as an angel, with a hope that maybe one day, it will recognise my hopelessness and the parallel lines will meet. 

And then she was gone.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For a love that is untrue, but endless

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Goodbye Friend

 

Goodbye Friend

 

 

I didn’t know, when I hugged you for a quick goodbye at the airport, it would be the last time I saw you.

 

A small thing at first.  Unimaginably… (Is this really us?) discord, distrust, frustration, anger.

 

Escalate, escalate, escalate. 

 

A war of words and harder to believe, a war of attorneys.

  

Betrayal and counter-betrayal.  Trust destroyed. 

 

The fabric of sharing twenty years of friendship, daily phone calls, husbands, and babies--ripped beyond recognition.

 

Three years have passed and I seem to have forgotten to be angry.  The sadness has settled into a solid thing I know and accept.  Lately I have found myself just thinking of you, almost in the old way.  I see your favorite coffee drink and smile for a second knowing you would enjoy it.

 

In my best parts I pray you are not lonely.  In a secret place I hope you are a little—that you miss me too.  I had a dream about you the other night:  in it I almost ran into you, and I turned before you could see me, to hurry away in a panic.  I know that is the true reality of who we are.  We can never go back.  There could never be that level of trust.  I don’t even know if investing that much in our friendship was healthy.

 

Three years have passed since I hugged your neck for a quick goodbye at the airport.  I used to love you with all my heart.  For a while I hated you.  Now I feel sad.  I’m glad to finally shed tears over you and our friendship.

 

I never got to say goodbye, so now I do my friend.  Goodbye.

 

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THE CEMETERY OF THE HEART

On an average day across the world 150,000 people die

Leaving many of us who are left behind to ask the question WHY?

 

Why him? Why her? Why now? We ask as we try desperately to cope

With our loss of balance, loss of focus, loss of desire…loss of hope.

 

Yesterday a friend of mine whom I’ve not seen in years

Informed me of his sister’s death and I was brought to tears.

 

Her death sent out ripples of sadness and when they finally my way came

I must admit, though far removed, they touched me just the same.

 

Cancer! How I hate that word for oftentimes cancer wins

In this case the sadness is doubled for my friend and his sister were twins.

 

There is no right way to cope with death, despite what the experts say

We muddle through our saddened anger and all the while we pray.

 

That we find a way to accept that a person we cherished is gone

And we wonder how from this point we ever will move on.

 

There isn’t a person among us who has ever taken a breath

That hasn’t had to deal with loss, and try to cope with death.


I’ve lost my mom and dad and other family and friends

It’s a basic fact of living that someday life must end.

 

At first the memory is fresh and the sadness can paralyze

Then slowly one day out of the sadness we come to realize

 

That the one we lost would not want us to remain sad forevermore

And we try to go on living as we once lived before.

 

It’s as if when death infects us, in an instant, overnight

Our world that once was filled with color, turns to black and white.

 

Then slowly with the help of family and friends the healing begins

And without us even knowing it the color slips back in.

 

And we’re able to store our memories with all the memories of those who depart

In a place I like to think of as the cemetery of the heart.

 

It’s a quiet often solemn place that in our heart has no parallel

The final resting place where our memories go to dwell.

 

Where we can walk among them any hour of any day

So the one we lost forever is never far away.

 

I know this may sound corny, this belief I am revealing

And I know it’s no consolation for the grief my friend is feeling

 

But when he is done grieving…when the healing process does start

 

I hope his sister finds a quiet place in the cemetery of his heart.

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