Dark

Mists of Time

Folder: 
Light and Dark

“I had a child just like you”

She said to me that day

Waiting in the hospital

On my knees to pray

She didn't know who I was

Her mind just couldn't see

That I knew who she talked about

The child was truly me.

 

We'd had this converse once before

And many before that

The degradation of her mind

Was obvious, as she sat

And prattled on about her son

How happy he will be

With her family when she comes home

And I had to agree

 

She never found her memories

Or recognized my face

After everything she went through

She's in a better place

Where memories last forever

And can't be lost to time

Where human bodies don't break down

Always in their prime

 

Many years have come and gone

I can't recall them all

It's not like I haven't tried

But the thoughts just have a pall

I try to stare back to the past

Peer directly through the grime

Just like a fog covered my eyes

It's hard to see through mists of time

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Breakup

Folder: 
Love

Falsehoods and lies

Truth in disguise

Whispers comprise

A doubt in my heart

 

Blinding my eyes

Sorrow and sighs

Darkness will rise

My world falls apart

Death of Infatuation

Folder: 
Light and Dark

I've never seen an angel bleed

Till I stood with knife in hand

I've never seen a devil cry

Till I looked once through it's eyes

 

You were my drug

Long before I acclimated

Long before withdrawal

I needed you to survive

 

I can feel your eyes on my back

Can't you hear me?

I'm silent on the outside

But screaming on the inside

I'm soul-lost

I can't find who I am anymore

 

Maybe I'll be fine

Perhaps I will survive

But I just don't know if

I can outlast your memory

 

If I lose myself in drugs and dreams

Or fly away to places and things

To fill the gap you left behind

Consuming body, soul, and mind

 

But there is no need

To conjure dreams

When life comes

In such radiant colors

 

They say Pandora is to blame

Her curiosity brought us pain

And fear of darkness in the night

But there was hope in candle-light

 

From the dark, a light will shine

Before the day, the night has gone

And now we know it burns so fine

That is why it's called, breaking dawn.

 

And maybe, just maybe

That which dies gives birth to something new

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Needs a better title

A Reason to Live

Sometimes when I'm down

it's hard to get back up

things don't come around

it can be so tough

 

have you ever felt

like just giving up

hit below the belt

hard to take that stuff

 

did you ever think

what's the point of this

and then in a blink

you escape the mess

 

sometimes things can turn around

what was lost can be found

focus on the positive

for a reason to live

Author's Notes/Comments: 

wrote this one a couple of months ago but hadn't shared it online...didn't wanna lose it...I am pretty sure it was when I was watching  13 Reasons Why on Netflix....I often get inspired to write a poem while watching a movie or show...gotta love that pause button...I can go write my poem before i lose it and then get back to where I left off whatever inspired me to write...

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Mosaic

Folder: 
Psalms

Only You can pick up the pieces

Of my shattered past

And make something beautiful from it

Gathering the shards and placing them

Into an amazing and wondrous design

Like a stained glass window

Each piece meticulously positioned

Into a picture only the designer could see

 

When I give to You my best

I try so hard to make You proud

My feeble attempts

Like a bruised and broken flower

You hold it gently, press and mount it

Hanging it high for all to see

 

One day I pray that I can look back

And see my whole life laid before me

All the hurt and pain I experienced

Interwoven with the joy and happiness

A blanket that I can wrap my heart up with

And the knowledge that my life wasn't in vain

That I could see every stitch You made

How You carried me all the way

And brought me home to stay

A Spiritual Valley

Sunday morning Gospel

At a southern Baptist church

Praising with the choir

Listening to the Word of God

 

Where grudges are forgiven

And friendships re-united

We sinners find forgiveness,

Family, and a home

 

But here I sit

Alone at home

I couldn't be roused

To my own Father's house

 

I can hear the church bells in the distance

Calling white-washed tombs to repentance

Calling broken souls to be renewed

Calling crushed hopes to stand firm

 

Yet, here I sit

Looking out the window alone

Listening to their tolling

Refusing to be more

Than an armchair theologian

 

If my “deeds” are just words

Then they are not worth talking of

If I didn't speak to my Father today

Then why do I expect answers

 

If we are “the Body”

Why are we so apathetic

So CONSUMED by our own lives

That our faith wastes away

 

And as these thoughts come to me

I make myself more comfortable

Still refusing to be any more

Then an armchair theologian.

Distance

Folder: 
To My Wife

I would say I miss you

But you no longer care

You left long before your body

And left me alone with yourself

 

I'm always thinking of you

Everyone says you aren't worth it

Maybe they're right...

But I thought you were

 

I wish we could be “us” again

But do I truly miss you

Or simply the relationship we had?

I guess I'll never know

 

You've kept me at a distance

So far I'd never reach you

Now I suppose I've finally decided

To stop trying

Haiku and Hokku

Folder: 
Haiku

I.

 

Winter breathes coldly

A rose on new-fallen snow

Beauty in nature

 

White carpet without

Inside, the dog sleeps soundly

Dreaming of Spring days

 

Rain upon the window

Soothing, sweetly singing soft

As I write about it

 

II.

 

Family stay near

Life's storms draw close together

What calm drives apart

 

Special together

As I concentrate on work

She watches TV

 

Fearing the future

She wraps her arms around me

And holds me tightly

 

III.

 

Alluring water-front

Holding magnificent crafts

Warships now at peace

 

Men of foul language

Cargo brought ashore today

The smell of the sea

 

Moonlight on the waves

Horns of vessels passing by

A lonely gull cries

Home

 

Back to back the night replays, 

Sitting here with a bottle called decay

 

And we’ve got the depression scented incense 

Sitting in a circle, wondering why it makes no kind of sense

Why I'm dwindling to live or live and suffer on the fence

 

I got fed up and left the room 

Went outside, tried to escape all that gloom

But what I found next was even worse, just rumors of doom

 

I visited this house I called home, but I’m not on the lease,

It all sounds so familiar, got the corpse of me laying there on center of the floor while you feast 

Got it displayed over there like an art piece 

Act like it was the true me, as if I was already deceased

 

But I’m still here, on the same broken couch, still sitting here 

You ignore me, go on, take another beer

Am I invisible? Do I not exist to you!?

Every part of me, debatable, divisible, that’s what you called only true.

I just want to find a breakthrough

And just like you, it never mattered, no matter what I do.

Just like you, 

 

It feels like an eternity since I left, I never cared to say goodbye 

All these broken objects still here, and I never understood why

But as I grew up, I know now, I know, it’s how you expressed to cry
The broken objects are a physical mental wall you built to hide
Broken and unwanted, justlike you,now I know, throwing it out was hard to decide

          

But you didn’t wanna outright say

You felt your own blood was a source of your betray

Leave the family, it’s better, leave them astray

Let her stay there, let her lay 

With all her demons she keeps at bay

 

I know now, your mind

Deteriorated

Dementia kissed you on the cheek and made us her kind

And like you I met her too, I became contaminated 

We are only moved by the broken blinds

Forever Unanimated 

 

You worship this building and every hole in the wall

Hide insecurity, and all that was spoken, ignore another call.

Put duct tape over the mess, and defend it all 

I wanted to ask, when did you begin this journey just to fall? 

 

 

I should leave before the sickness drives me mad

And just like you I close the door 

Until next time, dad

I close the door, and leave the past on the broken, dirty floor.

But unlike you, I must defeat what you couldn’t

The thing like me that you always avoid, the tainted inner core

 

 

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