losing

*Once Again I'm In A Losing Battle*

 

 October.20.2003

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

Once again I'm in a losing battle

Lost with no place to hide

As I walk I feel my bones rattle

Once again my heart has died

These thoughts to stop I've tried

 

Day and night I just go on crying

I have no more strength

Just let me go on dying

Once again to myself I fight

To myself I keep lying

This battle of mine is so long in length

 

Truth is no one is out there 

Who will for me go that extra mile

No one for me to care

I just want this frown to go away

So I can smile 

But nothing nice people can say

 

To show I mean something

To let me know they hear

But It's just games they play

Being alone is my biggest fear

Hurt is what I feel everyday

 

God is so unfair

What is left is hatered

To my heart you bring

A lasting tear

 

No one with me 

Wants to forever be by my side

No one wants to stay

When they see me they turn around to hide

With me they don't want to be 

 

I must remain alone

Till my dying day

And my heart

It turned back to stone

No more do I care

What people have to say

Because getting close to me will anyone dare

 

Copyright

 

If I Am to Lose These Eyes

If  I am to lose these eyes

Strip me then now of these lies

 

Take me to this darkness wonder

In harmony of the black of slumber

Forever to stay shut, anchored in a sea under

and yet though, I do not believe in such thunder

 

You can take me away from one thing

But I will find a way to still chirp and sing

You can take my legs and swallow love's promised ring

But I'll still find a way to flap a broken wing

 


And if I am to die..?

I can walk away, with open eyes.

My Inner Demons Are Winning

Folder: 
Depressed.

My life used to be

one giant hulking mess.

and me a weak sodden soul,

padded with distress.

I tried to fight against it

but it kept dragging me down.

Smothering me in regrets

and causing me to drown.

I often sleep for hours

with no desire to wake.

And let the depression take me down

though I know it is a mistake.

SO I begin to look for vices

to let my frustrations out.

Not thinking that I need anyone

to talk to this about.

So instead I grabbed some liqour

enough to put me to sleep

Or drink a drop of cold medicine.

to knock me off my feet.

And sometimes I'd get this feeling

of immense pain in my head.

And take two advils,

then to the world I was dead.

I'd let my demons drag me down,

and tell me it was okay.

That no one cared and I was worthless

and I'd believe what they'd say.

So I'd drink more of stolen liqour

and do what I knew was wrong.

But the allure of my demons was enticing

for they sung a hypnotic song.

So I kept letting them drag me down

and I never expected to get back up.

Just kept giving them my tears

to fill their never ending cup.

I sometimes chose to fight against them

thinking I don't want to let them in.

And then life takes a downwards turn

and I give in to them again.

And though this may be a time, when

 their power over me, is slowly but surely thinning.

Sometimes I can't help but feel,

my inner demons are winning.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Words are red because its painful to admit something is wrong but sometimes its necessary to get rid of some of this darkness.

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Puddles

Puddles by Dfx

Another gray morning
drag myself up, out of bed
Like so often it seems, dark clouds gather overhead
As our moments once cherished puddle in my mind
Thoughts of lost love resurface, memories can be so unkind

Feelings turn bitter cold that once kept me warm
I now shudder with the sorrow of this on-going storm
Hushed sounds of solitude thunder in my ears
and the rain is always falling
As if ten thousand tears

No forecast of fair
Only these same black skies in sight
Loves wounds again bleeds
Well into the night
When I drag myself back to that cold and empty bed
Regret things not done
And the things, and the little things left unsaid
The numbness of sleep I hope to find
Escape painful memories
Drain these puddles from my mind

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tags:

worrrying

For I watch as she says things
things about herself
like shes not good enough
ugly, bad, a pain
she thinks this
it makes me worry
am i doing the right thing ?
am i there for her enough
i try to be
she gets soo upset
it brings her down
i worry
i worry
I Listen to her crys
I help her through the night
Theres nothing wrong with her
nothing at all
the things she says
is not true
but lies of inner thoughts
but they live in her
i worry
i worry
what if they take hold of her
bring her to a point of no return
a point of unforgivness
and she takes her life
ill try my best to stop it
ill try my best
i love her
i worry
i worry

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sadness for this girl i love she brings herself down

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