October.20.2003
Trisha Barrek Hopkins
Once again I'm in a losing battle
Lost with no place to hide
As I walk I feel my bones rattle
Once again my heart has died
These thoughts to stop I've tried
Day and night I just go on crying
I have no more strength
Just let me go on dying
Once again to myself I fight
To myself I keep lying
This battle of mine is so long in length
Truth is no one is out there
Who will for me go that extra mile
No one for me to care
I just want this frown to go away
So I can smile
But nothing nice people can say
To show I mean something
To let me know they hear
But It's just games they play
Being alone is my biggest fear
Hurt is what I feel everyday
God is so unfair
What is left is hatered
To my heart you bring
A lasting tear
No one with me
Wants to forever be by my side
No one wants to stay
When they see me they turn around to hide
With me they don't want to be
I must remain alone
Till my dying day
And my heart
It turned back to stone
No more do I care
What people have to say
Because getting close to me will anyone dare
Copyright
If I am to lose these eyes
Strip me then now of these lies
Take me to this darkness wonder
In harmony of the black of slumber
Forever to stay shut, anchored in a sea under
and yet though, I do not believe in such thunder
You can take me away from one thing
But I will find a way to still chirp and sing
You can take my legs and swallow love's promised ring
But I'll still find a way to flap a broken wing
And if I am to die..?
I can walk away, with open eyes.
My life used to be
one giant hulking mess.
and me a weak sodden soul,
padded with distress.
I tried to fight against it
but it kept dragging me down.
Smothering me in regrets
and causing me to drown.
I often sleep for hours
with no desire to wake.
And let the depression take me down
though I know it is a mistake.
SO I begin to look for vices
to let my frustrations out.
Not thinking that I need anyone
to talk to this about.
So instead I grabbed some liqour
enough to put me to sleep
Or drink a drop of cold medicine.
to knock me off my feet.
And sometimes I'd get this feeling
of immense pain in my head.
And take two advils,
then to the world I was dead.
I'd let my demons drag me down,
and tell me it was okay.
That no one cared and I was worthless
and I'd believe what they'd say.
So I'd drink more of stolen liqour
and do what I knew was wrong.
But the allure of my demons was enticing
for they sung a hypnotic song.
So I kept letting them drag me down
and I never expected to get back up.
Just kept giving them my tears
to fill their never ending cup.
I sometimes chose to fight against them
thinking I don't want to let them in.
And then life takes a downwards turn
and I give in to them again.
And though this may be a time, when
their power over me, is slowly but surely thinning.
Sometimes I can't help but feel,
my inner demons are winning.
Puddles by Dfx
Another gray morning
drag myself up, out of bed
Like so often it seems, dark clouds gather overhead
As our moments once cherished puddle in my mind
Thoughts of lost love resurface, memories can be so unkind
Feelings turn bitter cold that once kept me warm
I now shudder with the sorrow of this on-going storm
Hushed sounds of solitude thunder in my ears
and the rain is always falling
As if ten thousand tears
No forecast of fair
Only these same black skies in sight
Loves wounds again bleeds
Well into the night
When I drag myself back to that cold and empty bed
Regret things not done
And the things, and the little things left unsaid
The numbness of sleep I hope to find
Escape painful memories
Drain these puddles from my mind
For I watch as she says things
things about herself
like shes not good enough
ugly, bad, a pain
she thinks this
it makes me worry
am i doing the right thing ?
am i there for her enough
i try to be
she gets soo upset
it brings her down
i worry
i worry
I Listen to her crys
I help her through the night
Theres nothing wrong with her
nothing at all
the things she says
is not true
but lies of inner thoughts
but they live in her
i worry
i worry
what if they take hold of her
bring her to a point of no return
a point of unforgivness
and she takes her life
ill try my best to stop it
ill try my best
i love her
i worry
i worry