disability

7305 days and counting

For the past two decades I have lived with constant pain: inflammatory, nociceptive and neuropathic both acute and chronic.

 

Not to mention 20 years of constant vertigo, nausea, intolerance to head motion, spontaneous nystagmus, unsteady gait, and postural instability.

 

1043 weeks of a living hell.

 

240 months of being gaslighted.

 

There is no cure, there is no relief. No time off for good behaviour.

 

The person responsible remains unscathed, unpunished.

 

How much longer must I endure?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

So you've come again,

 

tear me with talons

 

and scratch me with feathers.

 

Feed on me

 

Feed on me

 

but promise me

 

I'll die for the last time

View cynosure's Full Portfolio

If I Am to Lose These Eyes

If  I am to lose these eyes

Strip me then now of these lies

 

Take me to this darkness wonder

In harmony of the black of slumber

Forever to stay shut, anchored in a sea under

and yet though, I do not believe in such thunder

 

You can take me away from one thing

But I will find a way to still chirp and sing

You can take my legs and swallow love's promised ring

But I'll still find a way to flap a broken wing

 


And if I am to die..?

I can walk away, with open eyes.

Having it all or Not having it all?

Having it all means being satisfied with what I have. It means being happy with the gifts God gives me on a day to day basis, which I usually am not. Why? Because I am on Supplemental Security Income, which is the lowest level of disability one can receive in America. Therefore I barely have enough to get by. Since my wife is also on SSI we get the married rate, which is just over $1,000.00 per month. That may sound like a lot of money but it actually puts us somewhere like 60% below the federal poverty level!  

This is why I have trying so hard to launch my new magazine Mid-Ohio Valley Poetry Magazine. The only real skill I have is that of writing. I think editing this magazine and publishing it may be my ticket off of the government disability nipple. The problem is that I'm not getting subscribers. The magazine is well worth it. It will be between 7-10 pages long, stapled along the sides, with various genres of poetry in each issue. It will also have a dynamite Christian column by our permanent Christian columnist Kathy Nemec. The first issue will be printed in June. Subscriptions are $15.00 for postal delivery to the USA only. $10.00 for the e-zine. The June issue will feature haikus, short stories, and some free style poetry also.

I want to get off of SSI so badly and the magazine is my only shot. Buy subscriptions and advertise for me. That will allow me to truly have it all. You see I used to lie to myself and tell myself that I was okay on disability. Then my family started doing without things. I didn't notice for a long time because I was strung out on medications and alcohol. Now I'm sober and I see them doing without food. I see clothes piling up because I don't have $1.00 to buy laundry soap. I won't allow that. I need income. I can't drive to a regular job due to epilepsy. So my magazine idea has to fly. You guys are my family. I wanted to pitch you first. You can subscribe through my website www.marvinspoetrypage.com.

View marvinthepoet's Full Portfolio

Somewhere October 21, 2012

Somewhere October 21, 2012

Somewhere, somehow
These memories pains me so
Harder to breathe
“Let it go” they say
But it ain’t that easy
“Learn from your mistakes”
There are unresolved questions
“Move on”
How can I?
Repression: both a gift and curse
Diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder
“They’re mistaken”
Research shows it’s Autism.
Specifically, Asperger’s

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Poem written from personal experiences and research (lots of it) To people with disabilities: hang in there