hospital

Mists of Time

Folder: 
Light and Dark

“I had a child just like you”

She said to me that day

Waiting in the hospital

On my knees to pray

She didn't know who I was

Her mind just couldn't see

That I knew who she talked about

The child was truly me.

 

We'd had this converse once before

And many before that

The degradation of her mind

Was obvious, as she sat

And prattled on about her son

How happy he will be

With her family when she comes home

And I had to agree

 

She never found her memories

Or recognized my face

After everything she went through

She's in a better place

Where memories last forever

And can't be lost to time

Where human bodies don't break down

Always in their prime

 

Many years have come and gone

I can't recall them all

It's not like I haven't tried

But the thoughts just have a pall

I try to stare back to the past

Peer directly through the grime

Just like a fog covered my eyes

It's hard to see through mists of time

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A Hole: Pain Through The Brain

Folder: 
Poetry

I woke up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.

 

I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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MATHEMATICAL PREACHER LADY

don’t understand me
no numeral of quantity
preacher lady looking
at accusations in a book
saying infinity is proof
of a mathematical sacrifice
that saved humanity
if only we could get back
to three and then zero
says quantum physics
is why we have clocks
and space shuttles
slipping through cracks
in the fabrics of blankets
claims blankets are white
masses, says I’m mass
the tree is mass, birds
are mass and a mass
is a spot that breaks
into a speck so small
my car is invisible to god
claims i don’t pray right
because i do it with my
hands and my speech
is imperfect, can’t talk
to god with a slur or slang
says i need to be prized
and perfect like a precious
moment figurine, demands
i stop calling him home boy
he’s not your boy, throws
a piece paper at me with
nothing on it but a squiggle
in the middle of a circle,
claims it represent life
and who i used to be
when i had a brain
and understood counting
was invented for more
than money, need to crunch
the numbers to understand
my sister is the same as me
though she died in a hospital,
tells me i’m better than nobody
but I act like a stranger hiding
my divinity code under a hat

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is what genuis looks like in a poem!

SNOW AND ECTS.

There was snow
and ECTs
and the locked doors
of the locked ward

 

and Yiska was sitting
by the window
looking at the sunrise
after an almost

 

sleepless night
looks deep
I said
looking out

 

at the snow
on the trees and fields
she gazed at me
can't you sleep either?

 

bits and pieces of sleep
snatches of dreams
or nightmares
I said

 

I heard you
with that night nurse
during the night
Yiska said

 

asking her about
going home
you were awake too?
yes I got up for a while

 

and stared at the snow
coming down
against the moon's light
it looked so peaceful

 

so surreal
being stuck in here
seems surreal
I said

 

we'll get out one day
she said
walk out
into the free air

 

and no quacks or nurses
snooping over you
and no more ECTs
no more darn headaches

 

and all because
that bastard left me
at the altar
on my wedding day

 

I looked at her
sitting there
her hair unbrushed
her eyes red

 

her dressing gown
loose and pulled over
her white legs
gives you time to think

 

of things you don't want
to think about
and the ECTs
don't help

 

despite
what they claim
I said
when I woke up that time

 

after one
of my ECT sessions
my head was heavy with pain
and I saw you

 

lying on the bed
next to mine
and thought momentarily
we were dead

 

and I’d woken
in some kind of Limbo
with that white light
coming through cracks

 

in the shutters
then you woke
and we stared at each other
and never spoke.

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A Hole: Pain Through The Brain

Folder: 
Poetry

I waked up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.

 

I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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1967 VISIT.

Sunny day
that hospital
visiting day
she outside

 

in a chair
smoking a cigarette
I sat  in a chair
next to her

 

wouldn't
let me out
she said
wanted to meet you

 

in London
but the docs
put their spoke
in the wheel

 

and the parents
are none too happy
about it
means

 

they have
to visit me
rather than I
go to them

 

I said nothing
let her speak on
get it out
of her system

 

she had this
dressing gown on
her hair tied back
in an untidy bun

 

bright red slippers
on her feet
if I didn't have
these cigarettes

 

I’d go completely
over the wall
with the other
fruit cakes in here

 

she said
they said
you were here
at the hall

 

I said
I went there first
Warwick said
you were here

 

bought you these
and I gave her
a pack of smokes
and a small box

 

of chocolates
she took the gifts
with her free hand
and placed them

 

beside her
on the grass
God you are good
to me

 

if we were in the City
I’d repay you
she said
no need

 

I said
given out of love
not lust
she smiled

 

guess so

she said
they keep
that small cupboard

 

locked now
she said
after that time
we had it off

 

in there
she said
I looked back
towards

 

the hospital ward
a few yards away
too small anyway
I said

 

she inhaled slow
on the cigarette
her eyes half closing
due to the smoke

 

do you really get
that church
tambourine
banging thing?

 

she asked
the essence yes
I said
not necessarily

 

the trappings
she stared at me
her free hand
in her lap

 

the other holding
the cigarette
to one side
I suppose people

 

need to believe
something
in this darn circus
of a world

 

she said
guess so
I said
she looked down

 

towards the road
some fifty yards away
where traffic
moved slowly by

 

and as she moved
she crossed her legs
a glimpse of thigh
caught my weary eye.

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Morristown Hamblen Healthcare

I developed an ileus from being constipated.

This isn't something that's being exaggerated.

It's a blockage of the intestines, that's something I soon realized.

For a week and a half, my illness caused me to be hospitalized.

I was admitted at Morristown Hamblen Healthcare.

The ileus caused me to be hospitalized there.

The hospital was located in Morristown, Tennessee.

I couldn't eat or drink, I was connected to an I.V.

What happened to me can cause quite a scare.

I was treated well while I was hospitalized there.

It was over a week before I was put on solid foods.

I couldn't eat or drink, it put me in quite a bad mood.

Going to that hospital turned out to be a good decision.

While I was there, I mostly watched television.

After being treated with medication, my ileus ceased.

After ten days, I was better and I was released.

The medication I received drastically improved my digestive flow.

If you become ill, Morristown Hamblen Healthcare is an excellent hospital to go.

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IN DARK DREAMS.

In dark dreams
I walk again
those empty
hospital corridors

 

with their dull lights
and smell of disinfect
and death
in those dreams

 

I look for you again
my son
passing by
the blanks faces

 

of others
looking at
their eyes
for glimpses of life

 

or concern
or such  
as humans
sometimes have

 

I go by
room after room
pass porters
pushing

 

the occasional trolley
by the various
side wards
passing by

 

the bright lights
of hospital shops
in the dream
I am hoping

 

to find you once more
sitting there
on the bed
your back turned

 

your head lowered
but this time
I am hoping
for a healthier you

 

my son
not one so ill
so lost
in this dream

 

sunlight shines
through the window
of the small ward
a bird sings

 

not that dull curtain
the murmur
of voices
the usual limbo like

 

air about the place
this time my son
I wish to find you well
looking at me

 

with your own
familiar smile
not that haunted
expression

 

and tired eyes
that draw from me
a steam
of deep felt cries.

 

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PURGATORY

When Christine heard
that he'd tried
to hang himself
in the men's crapper

 

desperation bells
began to ring
inside her head
then she saw him

 

on the locked ward
sans laces
or belts
or anything

 

he may use
to repeat
the performance
and he sat

 

in the big chair
his eyes dull
and his hair untidy
and with that loose hanging

 

dressing gown
minus belt
and in pyjamas
like some

 

Auschwitz guy
and she said
what the fuck
you in here for?

 

sitting in the armchair
next to him
broken heart
broken love

 

lost love
soul crashing
through all gears
to get back

 

to base
who knows?
he said
like that huh?

 

join the club
for what it's worth
we're all fucked up here
like driftwood

 

on a lonely beach
on some deserted island
she said
he gazed at her

 

disinterestedly
as if a gnat
had landed
on his hand

 

they lock
the doors here?
sure do
all the time

 

what about visitors?
once a week
Sundays
he looked at her

 

at her dark
long straggly hair
her dull eyes
why you here?

 

he said
some fuck
left me
at the altar

 

all dressed up
like some nun
in white
she said

 

he must have been
mad to have left you
anywhere
he said

 

well he must be
because he did
opposite
an Indian woman

 

sat crossed legged
picking
at her toes
a red spot

 

on her forehead
dressed
in long gowns
of bright colours

 

a plump woman
walked by smoking
eyeing them
suspiciously

 

foul mouthing
the nurse going by
so how long
you been here?

 

he asked
week or so
how long you staying?
until they say

 

I can leave
when will that be?
when they think
I’m better

 

or cured
or able to be
balanced again
when will that be?

 

how the fuck
do I know
she said
sorry

 

about the language
anger gets
to my tongue
before I do

 

you're not going
to hang yourself
again are you?
she asked

 

don't know
who I am any more
don't know jackshit
about myself

 

whoever myself is
she nodded
looked at his
handed in slippers

 

the scar
on his left wrist
not your first time then?
she said

 

touching the scar
guess not  
he said
welcome to Purgatory

 

she said
he sensed her finger
on his scar
the female touch

 

he wanted something
whatever it was
something
to hold on to

 

O
so very much.

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