Mists of Time

Light and Dark

“I had a child just like you”

She said to me that day

Waiting in the hospital

On my knees to pray

She didn't know who I was

Her mind just couldn't see

That I knew who she talked about

The child was truly me.


We'd had this converse once before

And many before that

The degradation of her mind

Was obvious, as she sat

And prattled on about her son

How happy he will be

With her family when she comes home

And I had to agree


She never found her memories

Or recognized my face

After everything she went through

She's in a better place

Where memories last forever

And can't be lost to time

Where human bodies don't break down

Always in their prime


Many years have come and gone

I can't recall them all

It's not like I haven't tried

But the thoughts just have a pall

I try to stare back to the past

Peer directly through the grime

Just like a fog covered my eyes

It's hard to see through mists of time

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A Hole: Pain Through The Brain


I woke up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.


I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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don’t understand me
no numeral of quantity
preacher lady looking
at accusations in a book
saying infinity is proof
of a mathematical sacrifice
that saved humanity
if only we could get back
to three and then zero
says quantum physics
is why we have clocks
and space shuttles
slipping through cracks
in the fabrics of blankets
claims blankets are white
masses, says I’m mass
the tree is mass, birds
are mass and a mass
is a spot that breaks
into a speck so small
my car is invisible to god
claims i don’t pray right
because i do it with my
hands and my speech
is imperfect, can’t talk
to god with a slur or slang
says i need to be prized
and perfect like a precious
moment figurine, demands
i stop calling him home boy
he’s not your boy, throws
a piece paper at me with
nothing on it but a squiggle
in the middle of a circle,
claims it represent life
and who i used to be
when i had a brain
and understood counting
was invented for more
than money, need to crunch
the numbers to understand
my sister is the same as me
though she died in a hospital,
tells me i’m better than nobody
but I act like a stranger hiding
my divinity code under a hat

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is what genuis looks like in a poem!


There was snow
and ECTs
and the locked doors
of the locked ward


and Yiska was sitting
by the window
looking at the sunrise
after an almost


sleepless night
looks deep
I said
looking out


at the snow
on the trees and fields
she gazed at me
can't you sleep either?


bits and pieces of sleep
snatches of dreams
or nightmares
I said


I heard you
with that night nurse
during the night
Yiska said


asking her about
going home
you were awake too?
yes I got up for a while


and stared at the snow
coming down
against the moon's light
it looked so peaceful


so surreal
being stuck in here
seems surreal
I said


we'll get out one day
she said
walk out
into the free air


and no quacks or nurses
snooping over you
and no more ECTs
no more darn headaches


and all because
that bastard left me
at the altar
on my wedding day


I looked at her
sitting there
her hair unbrushed
her eyes red


her dressing gown
loose and pulled over
her white legs
gives you time to think


of things you don't want
to think about
and the ECTs
don't help


what they claim
I said
when I woke up that time


after one
of my ECT sessions
my head was heavy with pain
and I saw you


lying on the bed
next to mine
and thought momentarily
we were dead


and I’d woken
in some kind of Limbo
with that white light
coming through cracks


in the shutters
then you woke
and we stared at each other
and never spoke.

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A Hole: Pain Through The Brain


I waked up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.


I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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1967 VISIT.

Sunny day
that hospital
visiting day
she outside


in a chair
smoking a cigarette
I sat  in a chair
next to her


let me out
she said
wanted to meet you


in London
but the docs
put their spoke
in the wheel


and the parents
are none too happy
about it


they have
to visit me
rather than I
go to them


I said nothing
let her speak on
get it out
of her system


she had this
dressing gown on
her hair tied back
in an untidy bun


bright red slippers
on her feet
if I didn't have
these cigarettes


I’d go completely
over the wall
with the other
fruit cakes in here


she said
they said
you were here
at the hall


I said
I went there first
Warwick said
you were here


bought you these
and I gave her
a pack of smokes
and a small box


of chocolates
she took the gifts
with her free hand
and placed them


beside her
on the grass
God you are good
to me


if we were in the City
I’d repay you
she said
no need


I said
given out of love
not lust
she smiled


guess so

she said
they keep
that small cupboard


locked now
she said
after that time
we had it off


in there
she said
I looked back


the hospital ward
a few yards away
too small anyway
I said


she inhaled slow
on the cigarette
her eyes half closing
due to the smoke


do you really get
that church
banging thing?


she asked
the essence yes
I said
not necessarily


the trappings
she stared at me
her free hand
in her lap


the other holding
the cigarette
to one side
I suppose people


need to believe
in this darn circus
of a world


she said
guess so
I said
she looked down


towards the road
some fifty yards away
where traffic
moved slowly by


and as she moved
she crossed her legs
a glimpse of thigh
caught my weary eye.

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Morristown Hamblen Healthcare

I developed an ileus from being constipated.

This isn't something that's being exaggerated.

It's a blockage of the intestines, that's something I soon realized.

For a week and a half, my illness caused me to be hospitalized.

I was admitted at Morristown Hamblen Healthcare.

The ileus caused me to be hospitalized there.

The hospital was located in Morristown, Tennessee.

I couldn't eat or drink, I was connected to an I.V.

What happened to me can cause quite a scare.

I was treated well while I was hospitalized there.

It was over a week before I was put on solid foods.

I couldn't eat or drink, it put me in quite a bad mood.

Going to that hospital turned out to be a good decision.

While I was there, I mostly watched television.

After being treated with medication, my ileus ceased.

After ten days, I was better and I was released.

The medication I received drastically improved my digestive flow.

If you become ill, Morristown Hamblen Healthcare is an excellent hospital to go.

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In dark dreams
I walk again
those empty
hospital corridors


with their dull lights
and smell of disinfect
and death
in those dreams


I look for you again
my son
passing by
the blanks faces


of others
looking at
their eyes
for glimpses of life


or concern
or such  
as humans
sometimes have


I go by
room after room
pass porters


the occasional trolley
by the various
side wards
passing by


the bright lights
of hospital shops
in the dream
I am hoping


to find you once more
sitting there
on the bed
your back turned


your head lowered
but this time
I am hoping
for a healthier you


my son
not one so ill
so lost
in this dream


sunlight shines
through the window
of the small ward
a bird sings


not that dull curtain
the murmur
of voices
the usual limbo like


air about the place
this time my son
I wish to find you well
looking at me


with your own
familiar smile
not that haunted


and tired eyes
that draw from me
a steam
of deep felt cries.


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When Christine heard
that he'd tried
to hang himself
in the men's crapper


desperation bells
began to ring
inside her head
then she saw him


on the locked ward
sans laces
or belts
or anything


he may use
to repeat
the performance
and he sat


in the big chair
his eyes dull
and his hair untidy
and with that loose hanging


dressing gown
minus belt
and in pyjamas
like some


Auschwitz guy
and she said
what the fuck
you in here for?


sitting in the armchair
next to him
broken heart
broken love


lost love
soul crashing
through all gears
to get back


to base
who knows?
he said
like that huh?


join the club
for what it's worth
we're all fucked up here
like driftwood


on a lonely beach
on some deserted island
she said
he gazed at her


as if a gnat
had landed
on his hand


they lock
the doors here?
sure do
all the time


what about visitors?
once a week
he looked at her


at her dark
long straggly hair
her dull eyes
why you here?


he said
some fuck
left me
at the altar


all dressed up
like some nun
in white
she said


he must have been
mad to have left you
he said


well he must be
because he did
an Indian woman


sat crossed legged
at her toes
a red spot


on her forehead
in long gowns
of bright colours


a plump woman
walked by smoking
eyeing them


foul mouthing
the nurse going by
so how long
you been here?


he asked
week or so
how long you staying?
until they say


I can leave
when will that be?
when they think
I’m better


or cured
or able to be
balanced again
when will that be?


how the fuck
do I know
she said


about the language
anger gets
to my tongue
before I do


you're not going
to hang yourself
again are you?
she asked


don't know
who I am any more
don't know jackshit
about myself


whoever myself is
she nodded
looked at his
handed in slippers


the scar
on his left wrist
not your first time then?
she said


touching the scar
guess not  
he said
welcome to Purgatory


she said
he sensed her finger
on his scar
the female touch


he wanted something
whatever it was
to hold on to


so very much.

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