"Don't get so frustrated,
it's only a book,
or a few words
that you threw,
hoping they might stick.
Sound familiar?
Surreal,
especially if you've stuck with it.
Life can be funny like that,
in fact, it is,
that the same things
seem to alwaus happen
to people who may wish
it wasn't the case;
assuming it's negative.
Once you give it a second
to process,
it's wild to think
the same exact advice
you give
is the opposite
of how you live
your own life.
Some advice...
Twice now I've had to step in.
To stop the golden desires
of sundrops on skin,
forbidden,
when there has already been seeds sown,
a tree has been growing,
and now there's doubt,
the axe lays on its side
nearby. Nearly every time,
it can hurt to cry,
but not if infidelity
is the reason why. At least,
let's hope
that's not the case.
I'd hate to see the fallout,
it'd be all over the place."
November.30.2003
Trisha Barrek Hopkins
I wish you would die
And go to hell
Everything that comes out of your mouth
I can't believe because it's just a lie
To your face I wish I could tell
"I hate you"
Because you're to me no longer real
You are not true
And towards you nothing is what I feel
You try to command
But get mad when I don't obey
I don't know why you can't understand
On what I'm trying to say
For you to just shut up and listen
Is what I demand
I'm not a little girl with the shine in her eye
My eyes no longer glisten
I ask one thing of you "Just disappear, Just die"
In the war no longer you are
That was your past
Way back so far
So stop letting the memory last
Stop in my eyes trying to be this star
I honestly don't care
Your life I don't want to be in
My life with you I don't want to share
Keep trying to control me and my love you won't win
Just disappear
The way you were brought up don't pass on to me
I won't listen I don't care
God from his life set me free
Just die
When I'm finally rid of this prisonment
Then I will beable to happily cry
Untill then in this depression I am sent
This hatered for you I won't lie
Is beyond deep
And this passion of wanting you gone
It's hauntingly steep
These past couple of months
You have been doing things that make me sick
Make me ill
I wish God could of made a better pick
But I'm stuck with you
You think your all that and slick
Well the only thing you are is fake
No where being true
Through your heart will be a wooden stake
God let this ass get his own life
And leave mine alone
Because no matter what I do It's never right It's always wrong
Get it over with.... turn me to stone
So in this life here I won't spend so long
So get it into your mind
There is nothing you can do
Some how some way my own life I will find
So always remember when I'm gone
"I hated you"
I'm not who you think I am
I'm not unbreakable
I'm not bulletproof
I still feel pain
Everyone calls me a hero
A savoir
But I think there's only one savoir myself
I've never thought of myself as important
I'm just doing what's right
I get a lot of prestige from that
A lot of things I've never asked for
But I'll give it all away in an instant
If you want me to
I know everyone needs saving sometimes
Even you
I've seen you cry
I've seen your pain
I've seen your darkness
Deep within
I can save you
I can be your hero
To spirit you away
If you just let me
If you trust me
And you can save me
Because you're my hero too
Left in hate, I argue about love, and what is the frustration about when the cause outreaches the existence of liberty and when the argument lives in hate.
Down the sidewalk, past centennial street,
A road I’ve come to know in nearly every light.
It is lined with familiar houses, with unfamiliar faces.
I know the house where one Saint Bernard lives.
Whose drooping lids and flappy flews know no lieu.
And the Samoyed, I know him too.
He lives in the house with the bright pillars,
As if colored in by children’s hands.
The years have gone, and I’ve daily past.
If they see me in grey, well, I see them like that too.
They cock their heads, and then dismiss.
As if to say, ‘Oh, it’s just you again.’
Finally I come to the point where the sidewalk ends,
The part where I turn around.
Just one more step,
And I’d be further away, than I have ever been.
One more step,
And I’d be doing something strange.
Between me and the stop sign,
Lays a mobile thing.
The grey tabby in my direction casts
A pair of yellow and blinking eyes
Going with speed, with no particular end in mind
It might be nice, I think to myself, to be a cat.
With no solid ties, no long goodbyes,
To anyone or anything.
Could I grow pointed ears and whiskered cheeks?
To travel along a breeze,
Binding the known, so long.
What would that be like?
I would not travel, by road or way.
But through open field or wooded plane,
That is the path I would take.
I’d take my hat, my journal, and my time.
I’d take a turn around every rock and every tree
Just to see what I would find.
Yet it is here that I turn, again to choose the same.
Perhaps, one day, I’ll follow.
Perhaps one day, I’ll bereave
But the sky is getting darker now,
And even cats do not wonder in the rain.
My final day alive
What shall I do?
Should I go out
Surrounded by loved ones
Have a great time
And forget about tomorrow?
Should I go crazy
Do something insane
Make me feel alive
And not think of what is next?
Should I stay
Lock myself in my house
My final hours alone
Wondering what is to come?
It is my final day alive
What shall I do?
It’s funny the way
People can make you feel
So is this feeling mine?
Or what you want to be real
You made me feel guilty
For wanting to leave
And for wanting to stay
So what will it be Steve?
I feel the guilt of her
Her presence weighs down on me
But through her
I’ve begun to see
The real you, the buried you
The part you kept concealed
The part of you
That I unknowingly revealed
I know there’s no taking it back
No way to be where we were
I uncovered your hate and jealousy
Your dependency – that’s for sure
And now I’m the blame for all of this
I am the one in the wrong
Maybe I am – maybe I couldn’t see
How your need could run so long
Straight through the heart of me
And back through my chest
You drove your need
Never giving me a moments rest
Now I want to leave who you’ve become
The you I helped create
For that I am so sorry
But it’s me who's begun to deflate
The weight of your guilt
To much for me to bare
And you’re driving me to a place
I don’t think Satan would go there
Leave now and take your heart
Please believe I never wanted to leave
Even though I’m going now
Remember I really did love you Steve
~Chrystal
Written on
September 6, 2005