Internal Struggles

why is it that i feel dis way -- dis emotion of black & grey -- negative thunder is in my brian -- a storm of darkness comes my way -- i cant control wat i see -- my eyes are jus laughing at me -- my ears are speaking in demonic wayz -- but why is it that im not afraid -- my mouth alwayz crys blood -- that drips down & forms a flood -- my nose likes da taste a bit -- but my hearts had enough of it -- so i sit there as it gets dim -- dats wen i start to see da grim -- as he gets closer i get dis feeling -- in my body my soul starts beating -- my nerves start screaming -- my tongue starts feeding -- & my hands start dealing -- da contract is siqned its already to late -- time went so fast i guess it was fate -- in return he takes out dis key -- in my chest he stabs me -- flashbacks goes thru my eyes -- & in my heart i see da lies -- throughout my body it starts to feed -- next thing I kno its part of me -- i now realize i feel alive -- as all da good slowly leaves -- i no longer feel like a human being -- why is it that this had to happen -- i guess its becuz i let life take action -- It came at me hard and took all my love -- but now my heart is strong enough -- filled with only one single thought -- & its funny becuz its all lifes fault -- but i thanx her for teaching me -- cuz ina way she set me free -- so now with my rebirth im on my way -- & if ur reading this u should pry -- cuz wen I see her i wont say hi -- my hearts one single thought is to murder life ~

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Elfy's picture


Wow, that was amazing. :) It had tons of emotion, so many differant feelings, and thoughts, all packed into one poem. It told your story well, and it was very well written. I loved it. I know iv been there, and felt that, i know how it is. Im taking some time to go threw, your stuff as you asked for critics. lol Iv been wanting some as well (all though, mine havent been that good lately, been goin threw some writers block). Please check mine out when you have a chance, and let me know how you like it. :)
- Very good poem though.


Tjrnyc5's picture


lol ; thank u ;&& yea i wrote this during a dark period of my life ; && yea im craving for criticism lol ; ima check ur stuff out :) ; i tried posting my poems on other sites but im not sure which site is the best choice for poems ; i have a whole bunch of poems that will be posted soon :)