Mental Health

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day

By JFarrell

 

I wish happy mother’s day

To all mothers

Except mine

 

I wish all mothers

Long life, happiness, love

Except mine

 

For all you mums

Who made the effort

To love and care for your children

Who had their children grow

Knowing that their mother loved them

Unequivocally, forever

Unconditionally

 

To all you wonderful mothers,

I wish you happy mother’s day.

 

For my own mother,

Sorry,

You really should have tried harder.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

happy mother's day

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I hope I’ve the strength

I hope I’ve the strength

By JFarrell

 

 

I hope I’ve the strength

To continue.

To persevere,

To make 6 days sober 60 days sober

To make this try out for a job, a real job

To really change

 

I hope I’ve the strength

To keep courage,

To keep hope

If, when, I fall

To rise again and continue

Not lose heart

Not to lose faith

 

I hope I’ve the strength

For my journey

And it’s deadline

I’ve never had a dream before

I have one now

And I hope I’ve the strength

To achieve it.

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

dream

Five days

Five days

By JFarrell

 

The journey from yesterday to today

Has been a long one

Couldn’t sleep

My mind afire

My insides tearing me to shreds

But as the rising sun

Slowly dispels the fog of the night

Yes

I made it

This is day 5, year 0

I am still sober

Despite how my body threatens me

I know the can of beer in my fridge

Will instantly make me feel better

But I realise now

It’s relief is an illusion

With a high price

But

I choose to make a better choice now

Now is all I have

It’s only five days

But I have not been sober

This long

In over fifteen years

Five days!

Fifteen years!

I don’t recognise myself,

This strong

This PROUD

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i made it

Life in a Bag

Life in a Bag

By JFarrell

 

(my favourite game, World of Warcraft, “Town-in-a-Box”, brilliant, so Terry Pratchett)

 

Currently,

I have my whole life in a bag;

Every piece of identity,

Every proof of everywhere I ever lived,

My bills,

My qualifications,

My bank statement.

 

Everywhere I go today,

Wants me to prove who I am

Prove where I live,

And they all want something different.

 

Sometimes,

I have to agree with them,

Are you sure, you’re who you say you are?

Prove it.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hiya

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today

11 may 2017

 

Today

By JFarrell

 

(what happened? My life went mad)

 

Today,

I attended my first job interview this century;

And, they are giving me a chance,

It’s just astounding.

 

Tomorrow,

As long as I go to bed sober tonight,

Will be my longest time sober in 15 years

And, that’s just unbelievable.

 

I may be, finally, changing,

Becoming a better person,

Having a better life;

Equally, I may have lost the plot totally,

And headed for the biggest fall,

Just another waste of space drunk.

 

I don’t know,

I can’t see clearly,

It’s all too unbelievable;

But, I don’t care,

I’m going to enjoy it,

And dream, for the first time, of a really bright future.

 

(this is all true, every word, my life went mad)

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

it's true

Lesson

Lesson

By JFarrell

 

I’ve spent all my life

Crying over yesterday

Worrying over tomorrow

And

They do not matter

 

Like the sun

Breaking through the clouds

It dawned on me

Yesterday is gone

Tomorrow never comes

Now is all I

Any of us have

 

And

Though I cannot do what I want do now

If now I make a better choice

Don’t get drunk now

And keep making that better choice

In the now

A now will come when I can do

What I want to do now

 

Note: this is my 2nd day on the wagon, sober; if i make it through until Friday sober, it will be the longest time I’ve been sober in 15 years.

I wasted a lot of now, choosing to stay drunk, and I can not get all that wasted time back, I could be flying to Alabama now, if I had spent that time better

I AM NOT WASTING WHAT NOW I HAVE LEFT

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

now is all we have

when THEY come for me

When THEY come for me

By Jfarrell

 

When THEY come for me

It ain’t gonna matter

I will be so far gone

THEY can have my decaying, rotten remains

And do what THEY like with them

 

And

 

I don’t care why THEY’re coming this time

Take my home

Throw me out to live on the streets

Put me back in that hospital

You will take your meds or we will tie you down and force them into you

 

When THEY come for me

I ain’t gonna be here

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

sorry

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the message of the day is..

The message of the day is…

By JFarrell

 

The message of the day is…

 

DON’T you stop it

DON’T stop the music!

Especially

If it makes you feel GOOD.

 

Don’t hide away

Don’t stay silent

NOW

GET OUT and find something that makes you feel GOOD.

 

Don’t spend the rest of your life

Blaming someone else

IT DOES NOT MATTER

NOW is in your hands and you can feel GOOD

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

turn it up, feel good

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here, wasn't the plan

Here, wasn’t the plan

By JFarrell

 

Here, wasn’t the plan;

Around the corner was the perfect place,

Scaffolding, no street-lights;

Other than the patrols in hi-vis jackets,

Around the corner was perfect.

 

So here  I am in the subway

At three in the morning

Rope tied to the railings,

I put the noose over my head

And step off.

 

And am surprised I can’t breathe

And I so desperately want to

NOW!

I clutch at my throat,

The rope,

Clawing at it

Wanting to end the pressure

Whole body thrashing

Swinging

 

GONE

 

I know I should be grateful to whoever found me

Cut me down and saved my life

But

I had the courage, I had the guts

And I did it

And it was right

 

Thank you for saving my life

But I really wished you’d left me there

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

yes, i was selfish enough, stupid enough

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