funny

The Jeremy Kyle Generation

Wondeful, the Jeremy Kyle

generation

that fantastic little telle programme

half 9, weekday mornings that

gives us a vision into a beautiful

culture that we have.

 

Brown tooth, black tooth, no

teeth, greasy skin, nose ringed

teenagers with five kids with

7 different dads

it doesn't take a rocket scientist

to work out whats going

on here.

 

We don't know whos lying

or telling the truth

or whos on crack or who pays

for the bus with a oyster card.

This is a great show isn't it people

i watch everyday, proud of these

people

and proud of Jeremy for showing

the rest of the country how

great these people are.

 

How amazing it is

how great that we have

these people in our lives

keep up the good work

jezza

because your doing

one heck of a great job

here with your little

show that you have.

View steharris's Full Portfolio

Coy and Vance

We're Coy and Vance and we replaced Bo and Luke.

When people watched us on TV, it made them puke.

Many people changed the channel when our show was on.

The once high ratings of the show were gone.

We were basically clones of Luke and Bo.

People cheered when we left the show.

We were good at fighting crime and getting out of jams.

But many people didn't care, they didn't give a damn.

People hated us and I think that was pretty low.

I'll kick your ass if you didn't watch us on the show.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by The Dukes of Hazzard TV show.

View randyjohnson's Full Portfolio

We're the Duke boys

We're Bo and Luke Duke and we fight crime.

When criminals tangle with us, they do hard time.

Uncle Jesse gets his fat carcass stuck every time he gets in the General Lee.

When we tell him that he's getting too fat, he puts us over his knee.

 

It's really embarrassing when grown men get spanked.

Our asses are still stinging because of Jesse's hand and he sure doesn't get thanked.

We have to run from Enos, Rosco and Cletus.

Most people shoot at us when they meet us.

 

We're good ol' country boys, we do nothing unlawful.

But the fuzz keeps chasing us anyway, isn't that awful?

Whenever Luke and I get arrested, Uncle Jesse has to use the mortage payment for bail.

Maybe we're not such good crime fighters because we can't even send Boss Hogg to jail.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by The Dukes of Hazzard TV show.

View randyjohnson's Full Portfolio

Big Jim

Big Jim was determined that he wasn't going to jail,

He said, "I can eat my way out of this! I'll be sure to make bail!

Because a custom made jumpsuit's too expensive, you see,

That's just too much material...a triple X plus three!

 

They can dig up my yard 

And they'll never find that gun,

Interrogations will cease 

With a cinnamon bun!

 

I have oodles of noodles and ice cream galore,

Cause my pit bull named DD works down at the store,

And me, I'm a gambler, so I can lend lots of money,

Although at 25% interest, the cops don't think it's too funny.

 

They can dig up my yard 

And they'll never find that gun,

Interrogations will cease 

With a cinnamon bun!

 

Oh woe is me twenty years down the road,

I've been hussling my kids to make up for my big load,

My son now got shot, but I'll still claim my case,

I'm literally now addicted to stuffing food in my face.

 

They can dig up my yard 

And they'll never find that gun,

Interrogations will cease 

With a cinnamon bun!

 

I know all the casinos, and they all know me,

I love this life, truly, and I got this gig, see,

I let others be criminal, cause I win the bucks,

I can dig others' their graves, hell, I don't give a f*ck.

 

They can dig up my yard 

And they'll never find that gun,

Interrogations will cease 

With a cinnamon bun!"

 

 

9:29 PM 7/6/2013 ©

 

............

Author's Notes/Comments: 

just a silly rhyme ;-)

View nightlight1220's Full Portfolio

I'm Rosco P. Coltrane

I'm the sheriff and my name is Rosco P. Coltrane.

People in Hazzard know that the P is for pea-brain.

I work for Commissioner Jefferson Davis Hogg.

He hates the Dukes and he also hates my dog.

I usually get a cut of the take from my fat brother-in-law.

I love his evil schemes and I love to pinch his flabby jaws.

Everybody knows that I'm a bumbling sheriff, I'm sure not a genius.

I can't catch the Duke Boys and neither can my dipstick deputy Enos.

After wrecking all of those patrol cars, I was pretty damn lucky to survive.

But my character came to an end anyway when the Dukes of Hazzard was cancelled in 1985.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by the Dukes of Hazzard TV show.

View randyjohnson's Full Portfolio

My Literature Romance

I've ran through cotton fields-
dodged bullets and intruders with my darling Huckleberry.
His dimples, freckles. Rosy cheeks of red.
The smell of lilies forced into our noses.
Purple and magenta wild berry seeds scattered across our mouths.
Sticky and grainy.
Playful, young-

Finn- nearly in tears when I left-
But, I couldn't resist.
Hamlet's charms and language led me astray.
Romantic and deep. Roses of lust.
Sincere ad beautiful
his eyes. Twilight and shooting stars.
Poetic soliloquies rolled off his tongue.

But- a change appeared.
His eyes grew grim and black.
Mental and paranoid. He watched as I slept.
Asked me to delve in his mind. He wanted answers.
He warned that he thirsts for blood.
Was I deceived?
Was I dancing with the devil along?
I left. Escaping a mad man.

People say-
He went insane.
I wouldn't know.
I was deep in the arms of a new love.
Darcy- Played hard to get..
Maybe uninterested.
Stuck up-yet admirable.
I loved him.
In love alone..I guess.
But-
We danced.
Head over heels.
We ran through the mansion.

Elizabeth who?
A friend.
He assured.
That night-
He left me.
Heartbroken.
Love-cold.
Loveless.

I needed a change. A voyage-
a journey. A met a troubled man.
Limping-
Mentally lost.
I called him Ahab.
Dark and mysterious.
He rarely spoke.
A scar slashed through his face.
He promised an adventure
He loved the way I threw harpoons-
Strange.

Well, that didn't work out.
He pushed me into a boat-
forced me to "kill a whale"
"MOBY DICK"
He screamed.

I thought-"Too extreme"

As  our boat crashed.

Shipwrecked- in Verona.
Aided by young boy.
Romeo- I think.
Expressed his love for me.
Compulsive, young and annoying-
Not for me.
According to news- he fell for his soul mate.

Spiritual healing led me Dimmesdale.
I never loved him. He was full of pity.
Sickening and sad.
Slowly mentally and physically fading-
He left in the middle of the night.
Leaving me alone-again.
By candlelight. Searching for love-
flipping the pages of my favorite novels. 

Beauty Parlor

I own a beauty parlor but I always get things wrong.

Last week I left a lady under the dryer far too long.

She was under the dryer for hours and it fried her brain.

They put her in a funny farm because I drove her insane.

When I dyed a woman's hair, it turned green.

I soon met her family and they are mean.

They made me eat shaving cream and it made me vomit.

Then they grabbed my underwear and gave me a wedgie that was atomic.

They kicked my scrawny ass and broke my fingers so that I couldn't call the cops.

I think you'll agree that the time has come for me to sell my shop.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a fictional poem.

View randyjohnson's Full Portfolio

I'm Boss Hogg

I'm Boss Hogg and Rosco keeps trying to eat my food.

It's been my dream to see Daisy Duke in the nude.

The Duke boys keep fighting me because I'm a crook.

If you do business with me, you're going to get took.

Lulu is my wife and she's even fatter than me.

I'm going to hire a hitman so that I can be free.

It really bothers me because Rosco is my brother-in-law.

I puked all over the floor because Lulu just took off her bra.

Rosco can't catch the Duke boys, the souped up General Lee causes him to fail.

I will see Daisy naked and I won't rest until those Duke boys are in jail!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by The Dukes of Hazzard TV show which is my 2nd favorite TV show.

View randyjohnson's Full Portfolio

mechanics is my enemy

U were the reason for my sadness
U were the reason for my madness
i hated u like hell
and u hated me as well,
U were my nightmare
BUT,U made me stand still
although u were my enemy ,
U still wanted to help me .
i had no other choice
but i had to give my voice
i made up with U
and i believed U
U said U would take my hand
and there was no other chance
U kept UR promise
and i kept mine too
and now that i've passed
i never wanna see u
neither in my dreams nor in my daydreams.
Dear MECHANICS :P
see what U did to me????
u made me write a poem and about who?
ABOUT U !! isnt it weird? write about a subject ? yes it is and i know.
so sure U know that i still hate U
BUT that we're now done,
i beated UR ASS up !!!!!!

View nadine_18magdy's Full Portfolio
tags: