unfaithfulness

Half a Queen

I never thought the day would come.

 

The love that used to swell up in my chest, lover, you know- the kind of affection that tightens your throat and awakens a storm of butterflies to stir up madness in your belly-

 

Gone.

 

I grasp desperately at frayed heart strings, hoping upon damned hope that I would catch a fragmented piece of the blind passion I once felt for you,

 

Drowning myself  in the suffocating  fear of something far worse than loving a calloused man;

Losing the ability to feel at all.

 

The pain you've caused, the wounds your lies and deceit have inflicted, has left me numb.

I once knew how to forget the world and slip into a blissful ignorance as I rested in your strong embrace.

 

Now those days flutter in the recesses of my tired mind, and soon memories of what was melds together with dreams of what could have been,like a patchwork quilt forged from  the juxtaposition of the  life you promised us and the much bleaker reality, stitched together with missed phone calls and unexplained late nights.

 

 

When I think of these things, late late at night; when I realize I'll never learn to stifle the voice in my head that tells me your words are poison,

 

because I've learned that small voice tells more truth than your fallacy laced lips,

those are the nights I'm alright with not feeling.

Tonight I clutch numbness close to my chest, nod at the empty pillow, and  smile at the sound of sweet nothing.

Artificiality

A kiss to me you never meant
Her taste still present on your lips
Your clothes still covered in her scent
And you come home to me again

 

And what am I to think of you?
What am I to take as truth?
We tear apart and rearrange
Just like a Baptist's Bible page

 

Staring at my roses there
I'll admit just to be fair...
It was just how you swore it
Fake flowers never died
You found a way around it--
They never were alive

 

It's time to close this casket
Pretend we won't regret it
((It's time, it's time))

 

We'll read the eulogy this time
Make sure that every word's just right
We'll play the parts of mourning hearts
Make-believe we never lied

 

Her perfume is on your coat again
You smell like pure and utter sin
And your breath reeks of cigarettes
Hug me cold, ask forgiveness

 

What have you left me to do?
What am I to think is true?
Cross your heart and hope to die
"Hail Mary"'s just won't save this time

 

Staring at my roses there
And I'll admit just to be fair...
It was just how you swore it
Fake flowers never died
You found a way around it--
They never were alive

 

It's time to burn this body
The remnants are rotting
((It's time, come time))

 

We'll read the eulogy this time
Make sure that every word's just right
We'll play the parts of mourning hearts
Make-believe we never lied

 

Another day your deceit did work
Another night you worked so hard for

 

Turning faith and love to ash
Kiss regrets into the past
((It's time, my love))
The time has come

 

It was just how you swore it
Exactly how you swore it
Fake roses never die...
We never were alive

Author's Notes/Comments: 

*For Bartley [May 1, 2007]

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